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Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML

#1222534
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22279) - you deserved it (82431)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by Screwed (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I found out the girl I was in love with has a new boyfriend. I blame myself because I believed her when she said she "wasn't ready" for a relationship. FML

#678
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22275) - you deserved it (3803)

On 01/02/2009 at 6:14am - love - by loser doctor - Philippines (Quezon City)

Today, I found out my college friends are going to attack me after Christmas and attempt to tickle me to death. All because they know that I hate to be tickled. They are also going to make a Facebook group dedicated to the matter so people can join in if they wish. FML

#6908473
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22273) - you deserved it (5023)

On 12/23/2009 at 7:29pm - misc - by rie (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

#20860218
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22270) - you deserved it (32215) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/30/2013 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonyme (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML

#19921973
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22271) - you deserved it (8904)

On 07/11/2012 at 1:29am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had my blood drawn for a lab test. I was then given a container so I could give a urine sample. In the middle of peeing, I got woozy, started blacking out, and hit my head against the wall. A nurse discovered me with my pants down. FML

Today, as I was buying carrots, a little red light started flashing and an alarm sounded. Curious, I looked up, only to get sprayed in the face by a sprinkler for the produce section of the store. FML

#11991356
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22264) - you deserved it (8617)

On 07/19/2010 at 10:06pm - misc - by PrintMaster - United States

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

#19173617
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22264) - you deserved it (3004)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:36am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was walking with a friend after buying two cups of steaming hot coffee. While crossing the busiest street in town I tripped and fell, spilling the coffee all over me. My friend didn't notice I fell right in front of her and tripped over me spilling her coffee on me as well. FML

#8528184
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22263) - you deserved it (2533)

On 02/21/2010 at 8:31pm - misc - by burnnnnn (woman) - Ecuador (Azuay)

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

#12470997
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22261) - you deserved it (44165)

On 08/12/2010 at 2:53am - work - by malos - United States

Today, I decided it would be pretty amusing to press the "Like" button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves. After re-reading them later, I found out one of them said "I MISS YOU SOO MUCH GRANDMOM. RIP". I liked that her grandmother died. FML

#316205
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22260) - you deserved it (188645)

On 03/14/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by like - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally turned 21 so my friends and I decided to go to a club. There, I met this hot waitress and we were really hitting it off. I decided to order a drink. She replied with, "No problem, kiddo." FML

#19810432
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22260) - you deserved it (6317)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:28am - misc - by DerrickUhl - United States (California)

Today, my ten-year-old sister had to write out my job application because no one can read my terrible handwriting. FML

#20628506
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22258) - you deserved it (34992)

On 04/28/2013 at 7:40pm - work - by AbhorrentApplication (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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