Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML

#456719
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14801) - you deserved it (113469)

On 03/18/2009 at 11:47pm - misc - by its_all_legit - United States (Virginia)

Today, a drunk girl asked me for directions to her hotel. I had just bought an empanada and was feeling good, so I agree to look up the address on my phone. Two minutes and a text charge later, I got the address. Out of inebriated glee, she hugged me and knocked the tasty empanada out of my hand. FML

#1108
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14801) - you deserved it (3478)

On 01/14/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Hungry - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

#20016902
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14796) - you deserved it (6726)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm - misc - by kherien (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML

#18945896
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14795) - you deserved it (41003)

On 01/29/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by brannie - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

#1415940
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14793) - you deserved it (81263)

On 04/28/2009 at 4:53am - love - by H-B (man) - United States

Today, I was at the store with my grandpa. When we were rung up, he started to pay for our myriad groceries in coins, and the guy behind us groaned. My grandpa said, "shut your mouth," and started ranting about how stupid people are to leave paper trails for "government spooks." FML

#20006151
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14788) - you deserved it (1535)

On 08/06/2012 at 5:37pm - money - by for fucks sake gramps (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I quit my job as a barista for one of our competitors with a couple of bucks more an hour. Two hours after I'd handed in my resignation, my boss approached me just to let me know that if I hadn't resigned, I would've been offered my own café. FML

#13341352
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14787) - you deserved it (27950)

On 10/06/2010 at 9:58am - misc - by thecasbah - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman says "nice dog" and without thinking I respond, "you too." FML

#2115737
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14785) - you deserved it (40136)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, instead of staying home, I took an hour-long bus ride in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's place because on the phone she said, "I desperately need your body right now". It turned out she was just cold. She is also on her period. FML

#20037577
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14785) - you deserved it (28700)

On 08/23/2012 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Rotarius (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

#2112400
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14784) - you deserved it (68503)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:54pm - misc - by Sweeney (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sent my boyfriend some nude pics of me. Later I get a text from my dad asking me when I had gotten a tattoo. FML

#5189
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14781) - you deserved it (45952)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:56am - intimacy - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML

#18438715
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14781) - you deserved it (2643)

On 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

#19475030
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14779) - you deserved it (25784)

On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: