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Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time.Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

#8658617
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17353) - you deserved it (3333)

On 02/26/2010 at 5:21am - intimacy - by humiliated - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom explained the benefits of douching to me with my boyfriend right there. He began arguing with her about how the vagina is usually self-cleaning. FML

#7263265
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17352) - you deserved it (2026)

On 01/10/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by CD (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17348) - you deserved it (29709)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I let my friend bleach my hair, which resulted in it falling out in clumps. I spent $150 at the beauty salon fixing it and cutting most of it off. I sent the pictures of my new hair to my friends, and I got the same reply from each and every one of them: "That better be a wig." FML

#20463998
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17343) - you deserved it (26419)

On 01/17/2013 at 2:53am - misc - by goodlord12 (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got my cat stuffed after her death. I brought her home and set her down by my couch. I guess my dog thought it was a new chew toy. FML

#4060488
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17338) - you deserved it (71268)

On 07/26/2009 at 7:18pm - animals - by Fmycatslife (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

#20096548
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17335) - you deserved it (5051)

On 10/01/2012 at 8:50am - misc - by awks - United States (Virginia)

Today, I couldn't take home the free weights I'd planned on buying to start bodybuilding 'cos I couldn't lift the box, which was too heavy for me. FML

#715
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17333) - you deserved it (4539)

On 01/06/2009 at 3:28am - misc - by Fred - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was sitting on a rather small, uncomfortable bean bag while my friend was sitting on a nice chair. She asked if I wanted to switch seats, not so I could be more comfortable, but because she thought I was too fat and that I would burst the bean bag. FML

#20105161
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17333) - you deserved it (4405)

On 10/07/2012 at 1:03am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

#20163512
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17332) - you deserved it (2263)

On 11/14/2012 at 7:48pm - health - by duhasiangirl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent photoshoot for her book. I found out later that my mom didn't know how to burn only SOME of the photos on the CD, and ended up burning all of the photos onto the CD. Some of the photos were provocative. FML

#1617
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17331) - you deserved it (1600)

On 01/18/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by scarred4life - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my manager came in and said "Hey Alice, great job closing so well last night. NOT." and walked off. When I heard the door shut, I said "And great job being a bitch, you cow." I heard my manager walking back towards me. She wasn't the one who left the room. FML

#3944960
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17331) - you deserved it (42344)

On 07/22/2009 at 12:03am - work - by Alice (woman) - United States

Today, I'd stayed up all night to finish a detailed report. By the time I'd printed it I was late for work so I jumped in my car. Driving down the street, I saw my papers fly off the roof of my car. It was raining out. FML

#20112748
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17323) - you deserved it (6991)

On 10/11/2012 at 9:51pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving and noticed a police car parked in a spot reserved for the handicapped. I stopped my car and got out to take a picture. The cop gave me a ticket for parking in the road. FML



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