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Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML

#21446242
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25854) - you deserved it (4070)

On 07/23/2015 at 10:13pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

#21490780
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25853) - you deserved it (9631)

On 11/10/2015 at 10:54am - misc - by CoffeeStained - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

#19039920
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25851) - you deserved it (3168)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:51am - kids - by ilana (woman) - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

#21383678
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25850) - you deserved it (2346)

On 03/29/2015 at 5:18pm - misc - by coldasfire - United States

Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML

#19352166
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25849) - you deserved it (5785)

On 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by JC (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

#8805892
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25848) - you deserved it (2952)

On 03/03/2010 at 7:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

#13041055
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25848) - you deserved it (3224)

On 09/13/2010 at 10:00pm - misc - by IHateMyJob - United States

Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML

Today, my sister asked me if any of my family members had commented on my recent weight gain. I told her no not really. Her reply? "They must just being saying it behind your back then." FML

#7729865
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25846) - you deserved it (3618)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:38am - health - by lilsis (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my lazy manager, who blatantly spreads vicious rumors about employees, one which has ruined a marriage, has started targeting me because her lazy daughter was legally fired. Now I'm known around the office as "the whore who slept her way up the corporate ladder." FML

#20026833
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25845) - you deserved it (1704)

On 08/17/2012 at 6:16pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

#20058791
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25845) - you deserved it (3740)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Scholar - United States

Today, trying to be cute, I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang. He responded with "Baby, you're the Monica Lewinsky to my Bill Clinton." FML

#13762058
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25845) - you deserved it (8200)

On 11/08/2010 at 4:50am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out that the only reason my guy friends actually hang out with me at my house all the time is because they think my mom is hot. FML

#19994293
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25844) - you deserved it (2379)

On 07/31/2012 at 10:21am - misc - by loser (man) - United States



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