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Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML

#19797072
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19961) - you deserved it (4644)

On 06/16/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Schaf_12 (man) - Austria (Wien)

Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML

#17918241
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19948) - you deserved it (9997)

On 10/06/2011 at 6:46am - misc - by xoccerplaya - United States (Hawaii)

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

#19812468
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19946) - you deserved it (4409)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:08pm - kids - by Joseph N - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML

#578
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19945) - you deserved it (1835)

On 12/23/2008 at 2:43am - misc - by Plume - Sent from mobile version

Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML

#20090663
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19939) - you deserved it (6365) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/27/2012 at 12:10am - health - by Display - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

#19602885
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19937) - you deserved it (4584)

On 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm - misc - by Amy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

#19693767
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19937) - you deserved it (4928)

On 05/28/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Danny (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

#20682540
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19937) - you deserved it (35984)

On 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by paper towel virgin - United States (Missouri)

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

#121869
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19936) - you deserved it (49255)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:43am - misc - by shilpajayseanfan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life. I was trying to express that I feel like we don't do it enough, but he wasn't very responsive. I ended up saying, "I wish you had a bigger sex drive" to which he answered, "I wish you had bigger boobs." FML

#7584154
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19936) - you deserved it (9109)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:56am - intimacy - by mairelys (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

#16510507
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19936) - you deserved it (51918)

On 06/05/2011 at 3:23am - intimacy - by yup - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a Buddhist shrine and wanted to light a candle for my friend who's having a rough time, when I got stung by a bee. I spent the next hour with a swollen shoulder. How does karma work again? FML

#19032712
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19926) - you deserved it (3731)

On 02/09/2012 at 6:05am - health - by thairsha (woman) - Japan

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML

#20082521
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19926) - you deserved it (2430)

On 09/21/2012 at 7:20pm - love - by Pissed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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