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Today, it appears that it's Single Loser Awareness Day. FML

by crazytown62 / 02/14/2012 at 10:32am / United States / Love

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

by wallbanger / 02/07/2010 at 7:31am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working as a cart attendant, I found one of my coworkers on a lawn chair sipping on a Bud light in the parking lot, while we both were supposed to be working, leaving me to push carts by myself. My boss comes out to me catching my breath and tells me to work harder. FML

by actionboy116 / 07/21/2015 at 2:05am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, my needle-phobic mother took me to get a shot. She fainted. FML

by shots shots shots / 02/12/2013 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

by Username / 04/21/2011 at 2:30pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

by ilana / 02/10/2012 at 4:51am / United States / Kids

Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML

by StupidBerk / 09/17/2012 at 7:25pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I told my parents I'm pregnant. I got a long lecture from my mom about using protection. It would have been fine hearing all that, but I'm turning 22, I've been moved out for a few years, have a full time job with great benefits, and am getting married next summer. FML

by I'm an adult! / 07/02/2015 at 3:16pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally fell asleep at work after working a 12-hour shift. Instead of waking me up, my coworkers spiked my coffee mug with whiskey and told my boss I was drunk. My boss wouldn't even listen to my side of the story and fired me. FML

by person / 09/20/2015 at 7:57pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

by rosmaizura / 10/01/2010 at 3:39am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

by Bruce / 02/01/2012 at 10:11pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Kids

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

by StayPositive / 11/02/2010 at 8:57pm / United States (Maine) / Love

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

by littlespoon / 02/04/2010 at 3:40am / United States (Oregon) / Health