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Today, I mentioned to my girlfriend that I'd sent in a job application after she went home. In front of her parents. Who thought she'd stayed the night at a friend's place. FML

Today, I met my son for the first time since I had to put him up for adoption over two decades ago. I wanted to make amends and get to know him. Instead, all I got to know was how well he can throw a punch. FML

#18799303
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20966) - you deserved it (52350)

On 01/13/2012 at 8:38pm - kids - by me (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML

#19469205
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20966) - you deserved it (2103)

On 04/14/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by ProsserBabe11 (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

#6676757
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20964) - you deserved it (4209)

On 12/09/2009 at 4:20am - intimacy - by dfkjhregoiuberiug (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML

#13340119
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20963) - you deserved it (7527)

On 10/06/2010 at 5:31am - love - by fireman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

#19704356
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20962) - you deserved it (2096)

On 05/30/2012 at 12:45pm - kids - by unzucht (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I picked up my computer which had been at the repair shop for two weeks. I quickly logged on to MSN to talk to the girl who I'd been hitting on for weeks. Her profile picture was a photo of herself with her new boyfriend. FML

#531
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20961) - you deserved it (4278)

On 12/17/2008 at 2:15am - love - by Falouila - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and waved at the driver of the car who'd stopped, just to say thank you. She stuck her middle finger up at me. FML

#19515959
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20962) - you deserved it (2560)

On 04/23/2012 at 9:00am - misc - by hoggypig -

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

#21338477
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20961) - you deserved it (12190)

On 01/16/2015 at 7:37pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I have to be at work with a smile on my face, whilst sitting next to the asshole that dumped me last week. FML

#1869
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20961) - you deserved it (4915)

On 01/20/2009 at 10:16am - work - by Heartbroken - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

#19511225
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20958) - you deserved it (2252)

On 04/22/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

#19950706
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20958) - you deserved it (1799)

On 07/17/2012 at 4:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized just how bad my 28-year-old husband's gamer rage is when I came home to a smashed TV. This is the second TV in three months that he's destroyed. FML

#20080513
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20958) - you deserved it (3862)

On 09/20/2012 at 8:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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