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Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

by ilana / 02/10/2012 at 4:51am / United States / Kids

Today, I was at K-Mart and saw an exact copy of my engagement ring for twenty bucks. The same one that had supposedly been in my fiancé's family for generations, and worth thousands. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2015 at 1:00pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I finally felt the effects of a laxative that I took last night. This morning, when I was in the dentist's chair. FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2010 at 10:40am / United States (New Hampshire) / Health

Today, it's "family fun night." We're pulling weeds. FML

by Suzie Leone / 01/23/2012 at 10:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML

by offended / 06/14/2012 at 4:11am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a coworker at my new job in trouble, because he kept harassing me and asking me out, even after I clearly told him I wasn't interested. Turns out he's very popular around here, and everyone now hates me for being a trouble-maker and not "taking a compliment." FML

by friendlessatwork / 10/02/2012 at 2:27pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, my newly ex-fiancé, the father of my 5-year-old child, moved out of state with no warning. I just spent my last $500 paying off his car, and the rent is due tomorrow. FML

by lilithfaye / 11/02/2012 at 12:35pm / United States / Love

Today, I got my laptop back after lending it to my friend. It wouldn't boot, and after investigating I found out it'd been stripped of its hard drive and all its memory. When I confronted my "friend", he accused me of lying and trying to ruin his reputation. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2015 at 1:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while walking around the local thrift store, I noticed an attractive guy watching me and following me through the aisles. As he followed me to my car I was sure I would get his number. He then asks me to bring my purse inside as I had been tagged as a shoplifter. I work at the store. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2012 at 10:28pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

by coldasfire / 03/29/2015 at 5:18pm / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

by littlespoon / 02/04/2010 at 3:40am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I found myself wondering if my sister's jaw makes the same clicking sound when she's giving head as it does when she's eating food. FML

Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML

by vkryss13 / 06/22/2015 at 3:10pm / Guam / Kids