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Today, I couldn't take home the free weights I'd planned on buying to start bodybuilding 'cos I couldn't lift the box, which was too heavy for me. FML

#715
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17316) - you deserved it (4539)

On 01/06/2009 at 3:28am - misc - by Fred - Sent from mobile version

Today, I'd stayed up all night to finish a detailed report. By the time I'd printed it I was late for work so I jumped in my car. Driving down the street, I saw my papers fly off the roof of my car. It was raining out. FML

#20112748
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17313) - you deserved it (6992)

On 10/11/2012 at 9:51pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML

#8122396
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17307) - you deserved it (2482)

On 02/11/2010 at 4:09am - intimacy - by stewiesclone - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

#13278835
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17304) - you deserved it (41150)

On 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by caughtorangehanded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

#4379475
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17302) - you deserved it (74883)

On 08/08/2009 at 3:18am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

#5876001
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17300) - you deserved it (2919)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:29am - intimacy - by Ignitingmylightsaber (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML

#20086255
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17296) - you deserved it (2014)

On 09/24/2012 at 3:18am - health - by AnxietyGirl - United States (Colorado)

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

#17150480
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17295) - you deserved it (34378)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by CaoiiBieber - Ireland

Today, while watching TV with my boyfriend, I was telling him that I wasn't looking forward to "getting older" and turning thirty in three days. Five minutes later, he said, "I never knew you had so much grey hair already" and then offered to help me dye them. FML

#19827444
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17295) - you deserved it (3607)

On 06/22/2012 at 2:02am - misc - by Username (woman) - United States

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

#6322729
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17290) - you deserved it (34420)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:32am - love - by Manstobe92 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML

#19847673
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17288) - you deserved it (5614)

On 06/25/2012 at 10:59pm - misc - by hearingthings (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed several cute guys playing a pick-up game, so I tried to run my hardest. Not paying attention, I didn't hear when they warned me about the ball flying towards me. It hit me in the head, I then ran into a wall and face-planted. FML

#1739978
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17287) - you deserved it (36382)

On 05/08/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML

#19348769
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17288) - you deserved it (1787)

On 03/26/2012 at 12:31am - misc - by Ringo McDingo (man) - United States



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