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Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

#21219985
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18245) - you deserved it (48252)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:05am - animals - by fuckendog (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while I was at work in a machine shop, I cut myself really bad. Not by any sharp tools, drills, or metals I work with. Just the soap dispenser. FML

#19535825
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18240) - you deserved it (3808)

On 04/27/2012 at 1:49am - work - by Bullocks (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

#4204058
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18238) - you deserved it (44013)

On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw my picture in an architecture magazine. I'm not an architect. I was walking up a flight of "magnificently built" stairs as my skirt lifted to show an absence of underwear. FML

#17267205
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18240) - you deserved it (34264)

On 07/26/2011 at 12:22pm - misc - by crotchshothottie - United States

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

#7325738
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18235) - you deserved it (2677)

On 01/13/2010 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by cantgetitupcantgetiton (woman) - United States

Today, I had to give my boyfriend an enema. FML

#20038693
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18234) - you deserved it (2428)

On 08/24/2012 at 1:21am - health - by coop7291 - United States

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

#12657778
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18232) - you deserved it (29274)

On 08/21/2010 at 2:09am - health - by clitorasaurus (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at Target with my mom. After 10 minutes of my mom walking around looking confused, I said, "Mom, what are you looking for? I worked at this place for 4 years, I know where everything is." My mom was looking for KY. FML

#1288
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18230) - you deserved it (2106)

On 01/15/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by kallens - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

#10922943
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18229) - you deserved it (27397)

On 06/02/2010 at 5:31pm - health - by Official_Person (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

#18239107
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18227) - you deserved it (20104)

On 11/13/2011 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped out to cash some money at the bank. When I got back, I found out that when he said "yeah, sure" he actually meant "yeah, sure, I'll tell the boss and get your dumb arse suspended". FML

#19282495
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18226) - you deserved it (10932)

On 03/15/2012 at 12:13pm - work - by davey d (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I heard the ice cream truck. Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the steps and almost immediately fell down them. I needed four stitches. I didn't even get my ice cream. FML

#19594903
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18226) - you deserved it (8340)

On 05/08/2012 at 9:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML

#19804025
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18224) - you deserved it (1584)

On 06/17/2012 at 9:57pm - misc - by annonymous - United States



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