Who's there?

By messy jessy - 07/09/2020 11:01 - United States

Today, I was on FaceTime with my sister. She remarked that my living room was a mess, and that she didn’t know how I kept a man with a place like that. I retorted, “He’s not with me for how well I can clean, when I can polish his knob like a marble floor!” I had no idea my dad was off camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 1 640

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

One law for thee, another for me

By thanks a lot asshole - 26/09/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I went to visit my father. His new wife has hoarded out our childhood home nearly to the point of it being unliveable. That’s pretty funny, considering my dad used to literally beat us if our rooms weren’t clean or we left dishes in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 338

Busted

By far23 - 15/07/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, I had a big party that left my house really messy. I spent hours cleaning the house until it was spotless. When my parents got home, my dad said, "Did you have fun at the party?" I said, "How'd you know?" and he replied, "You hate cleaning and the house was filthy when we left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 645

You deserved it 53 928

By Hard in flip flops - 21/01/2018 06:00

Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 891

You deserved it 4 730

By Notthemaid - 30/09/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about how my fiancé has been ignoring me and that I didn't know why. Turns out, my mother told him that I was too much of a handful, was mentally disturbed and also cheating on him. Just so I wouldn't move out and would keep cleaning her house for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 520

You deserved it 2 878

By Anonymous - 02/08/2014 00:20 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said "There's my daughter..." He then turned it to me and said "...and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 311

You deserved it 3 878

shrinks into corner

By Ally - 24/03/2018 05:00

Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 731

You deserved it 651

By crazyt446 - 11/07/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 465

You deserved it 71 619

**** addiction

By Anonymous - 03/04/2021 12:00 - United States - Boise

Today, I was recording a video on Snapchat to send to one of my friends, while unaware that my father had walked in behind me. I was talking about how I can’t watch porn anymore because my phone is broken. He now knows too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 1 350

Dirty room

By love you too honey boo - 13/01/2020 05:00

Today, I sent a scantily clad pic to my boyfriend, to which he responded "Nice, but please clean your room". FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 2 286

Secret life

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 20:00

Today, the phone rang, it was some woman who wanted to speak to my dad. “It’s probably his mistress,” I said jokingly. Turns out it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 193

TxKitten 8

Monday 7 September 2020 23:35

I'm so sorry, o.p., but I laughed really hard at that. Mainly because that's something I would say, and I can see something like this happening to me.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 7 September 2020 20:20

Dad probably knew that's how you attract men, but was taken by surprise by the colorful language.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 7 September 2020 20:20

Dad probably knew that's how you attract men, but was taken by surprise by the colorful language.

alex_jaguara 31

Monday 7 September 2020 21:30

Lady, noone likes to live in the trash. Involve your man in keeping your home clean and both will be happy.

TCRII 29

Monday 7 September 2020 21:49

Oopsies!

TxKitten 8

Monday 7 September 2020 23:35

I'm so sorry, o.p., but I laughed really hard at that. Mainly because that's something I would say, and I can see something like this happening to me.

Chazzster 28

Tuesday 8 September 2020 4:32

It’s one thing to think or do that, it’s quite another to say it - especially on something like a zoom or FaceTime call where you have no idea who else could hear you.

BurnInDemonFire 33

Tuesday 8 September 2020 17:59

I assume it's a spit polish.

Jonkbaby 22

Wednesday 9 September 2020 14:00

Doesn't matter. You won that round

Rsonicgamer_fml 6

Wednesday 9 September 2020 16:30

So... You accept that you need to work to keep a man ? I mean, aren't both parties involved in the relationship ? Or do his pals and siblings tell him he shouldn't be able to keep a woman in a messy place ?