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The all-time greatest FMLs

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 29/08/2022 10:00

Today, I escaped my husband's snoring by going to sleep on our sleeper couch, only to be welcomed by an excited mosquito population, which sounding like, "Happy hour guys, she's on her period, let's suck this eternal source of blood!" I went back next to my husband and I didn't sleep, but at least wasn't being bitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 173

Exploitation

By Anonymous - 19/10/2023 20:00

Today, I went to work on my day off for some overtime. I’m not to leave my position until relief arrives. Twelve hours after my shift was supposed to be over, my boss calls me, asking if I can work another 8 hours at a different post, not knowing I’ve already worked 20 hours straight because the system rebooted. I didn’t get paid overtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 205

Good things come in threes

By Stuart Williams - 24/02/2022 12:00

Today, after I fell over and fractured my knee, I've been in hospital for a week. I now have a metal plate in my knee, and am due to be off work for months, I wouldn't mind as much if I hadn't been hit by a car two years ago, spent a week in hospital for a fractured vertebrae, and was off work for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 95

Sucks for grandma too

By What about granny - 25/10/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, my mom made the (not) very wise decision to once again inform me that my grandma is in rapidly declining health, and as a result she is not long for this world. My brain took this as an opportunity to push my anxiety into overdrive. I can't stop thinking about what will happen when my grandma dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 269

Flip your wig

By Anonymous - 25/10/2022 12:00 - Philippines

Today, my father verbally abused me for visiting my sick maternal grandfather, saying I lack common sense and intellect. He was angry that my cousin, who was the driver for the day, had her time wasted, despite the fact that my cousin planned to be with me the whole day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 109

Ironic

By AnotherCrazyCatLady - 17/06/2021 02:01 - Australia - Strathalbyn

Today, I found out that I have Dysarthria, a condition where you can't pronounce certain words. I can't even pronounce the condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 69

Delirious

By CanIGoHomeNow - 18/07/2021 08:01

Today, while not feeling well at work, I had to finish up some papers. I was so out of it, I couldn't remember how to spell my name. I had to improvise by pronouncing each syllable of my name out loud. My boss now thinks I'm a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 286

By Weedle - 04/06/2019 20:00

Today, I was at my brother's graduation. His mom was taking pictures of him in his cap and gown, but she got a picture of me sucking off a Coke bottle for a laugh, and she posted it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 1 938

Priapism Tuesday

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 04:00

Today, I took Viagra so we could have sex at bedtime. We fell asleep afterwards, but I must've had a reaction to the Viagra as it was still erect this morning and must have been erect all night, way longer than 4 hours. I went straight to hospital as my penis was numb and pale blue. Help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 250

Communication Breakdown

By not really - 08/06/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, after hanging out with my boyfriend’s group once, they’ve decided I’m a “prissy stuck-up bitch who thinks she’s perfect.” I’m not at all. They just engage in nothing but insults and self-deprecating “jokes” without any real conversation. Sorry for not putting myself down for amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 279

RIP Buddy

By Anonymous - 22/04/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I held my 14 year-old dog as he passed away. He made me a better person and I spent more time with him and loved him more than 99% of the population. I don't know how I'm going to do tomorrow when I dig his grave, and know he's not with me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 91

Pantomime

By Anonymous - 31/01/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and my mother's hatred of each other has got so bad, I wasn’t aware of why until now. She was his headmistress in high school, then they had an affair while he was at university, shortly before he met me at a Starbucks and dumped her without knowing I was her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 98

Liability

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 11:00

Today, my friend broke ties with me after I came out of the hospital from attempted suicide. She was the one who called the police for me to go in there in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 341

Hangover

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 14:00

Today, I got really sick after drinking a lot of alcohol and started throwing up. Every time I threw up into the toilet, the water would splash back up into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 3 220

Legally binding

By Anonymous - 19/05/2022 00:01

Today, I realized I have to finish a huge project for my ex-boss, or risk getting sued. I quit because he told me he’s refusing to pay me, and he doesn’t support me going back to school to get my dream degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 151

Flatulophobia

By Anonymous - 18/12/2021 14:01 - United States - Watford City

Today, while in bed with my husband, we were discussing our fears. Mine being the Doomsday Clock. He giggled and made me feel silly about my (rational if you ask me) fear. I let out a tiny toot, and he jumped and screamed bloody murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 243

Superficial

By Alyssa - 08/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, the guy I was hopelessly crushing on 4 years ago who told me, and I quote, “I’d rather stab my dick with pins & needles and dip it in lemon juice than go out with Miss Piggy.” is now saying, “Wow, hun you look great! You know, I always liked you, can we give it another shot?” I’ve lost 65 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 226

Bad timing

By Bogrbon - 30/06/2022 04:00

Today, on the first day of the first week off together with my family in six months, we’re all quarantined with positive COVID tests. By the time we’re off quarantine, I’ll be back at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 165

We're gonna have a real good time together

By Mjskywalk - 16/02/2022 22:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I bought tickets to Walt Disney World for myself and my 6 year-old. She just announced she's afraid to ride an escalator, to the point of tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 212

Meritocracy is alive and well

By Anonymous - 22/05/2023 12:00 - United States - Canal Winchester

Today, I learned that the co-worker who was out sick for months, whom I covered down for, received a much larger cash award than I did. This is despite me working there longer, taking on additional details, and receiving a glowing annual review. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 135

No good deed…

By Anonymous - 07/04/2023 18:00 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today I ran across the street to help a woman who had fallen off her bicycle. While running, I tripped and broke my arm. Surgery is needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 151

Go home, you're drunk

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 00:00

Today, my Orthodox Jewish cousin’s father called his wife’s Reform Jewish family “a bunch of monkey lovers” in his Bat Mitzvah toast. Worst yet, he did basically the same thing at his daughter from his first marriage’s Bat Mitzvah toast, and mentioned this fact in the speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 127

Oh, the irony

By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 07:56

Today, my dad came home after collecting donations for construction of the temple of Lord Rama, who is known for qualities like patience. Within 5 minutes, he started yelling at my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 115

Social media drama

By Jessie - 26/02/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend took me off his relationship status on Facebook. He just left “In a relationship” blank. This came after he added some girl. When I confronted him about it, he screamed at me to the point of tears, and told me to stop worrying about stupid shit. Apparently, I also ruined his day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 144

8 out of 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 08:02

Today, my 45 year-old sister blamed my parents yet again for losing one tooth after the other because they did not tell her to brush her teeth before going to bed. It's general knowledge, honey. And somehow, I still have all my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 1 681

Cougar

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 08:08 - Canada

Today, I was at the laundromat doing laundry with my mom when the guy running the place asked if we were "together". I thought this was just because of Covid and social distancing, but it turns out he thought my mom was my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 104

Zone 6

By lukey101 - 30/09/2021 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I took the train home to save a few dollars on an Uber fare. I fell asleep on the train, got a fine for travelling outside of my paid zone, and had to take an even longer Uber home than it would have been from where I started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 514

I feel love

By Anonymous - 16/02/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, for Valentine’s Day, I got my boyfriend chocolates, a new Xbox game and planned lots of kinky sexy time. He ate the chocolate, orgasmed after three thrusts, had a 2-hour nap, then ignored me while playing the new game all afternoon. He didn’t get me anything, not even my own orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 201

Man is a cog in the vast economic machine

By Anonymous - 27/05/2022 18:00

Today, I put my notice in at work after being one of the top performers in my department. They didn’t even acknowledge my notice, they just sent me boxes to return my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 186

Record scratch moment

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend introduced me to her best male friend, a creepy "Nice Guy" type. When she went to the bathroom, he came closer to me and said, "She thinks she likes you, but I'm destined to be with her, I saw it in the stars. Nobody can love her like me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 140

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The Top

Today, I had to skip lunch to work on a big project, so I stopped by a vending machine. The number I wanted was 126, but I accidentally typed 124, using my last dollar. 124 was the only empty row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 451

You deserved it 5 540

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, I kissed my husband as passionately as I could. After, he looked at me and said, "You taste like Chinese food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 903

You deserved it 5 202

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 900

You deserved it 3 075

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 603

You deserved it 7 577

Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a "useless, ungrateful piece of crap", all because I wouldn't have sex with her, despite hours of her nagging. I said no because I've been laid-up in bed for the past week waiting on surgery for an excruciatingly painful hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 604

You deserved it 3 445

Today, it's been almost 24 hours since my wife bent down and couldn't get back up. After laying in bed all day in agony with a bad back, an ambulance was called. She still currently can't stand in the hospital. I have two kids to look after and am supposed to be in work tomorrow. I have no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 561