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Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

#5932326
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23240) - you deserved it (4862)

On 10/21/2009 at 6:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I taught a very involved healthy nutrition program to underprivileged youths at a local center. We even made them a healthy snack at the end of the program. Within minutes of the program being over, we catch some of our fellow volunteers feeding the kids Oreos. FML

#15182858
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23239) - you deserved it (4749)

On 03/03/2011 at 1:58am - work - by Pickle (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML

Today, before I went into surgery, the patient next to me just finished the same procedure I was going to get. As he woke up in the recovery area 10 feet away, I was getting my final prep before the operation. On my way into the operating room I was comforted by his screams of agonizing pain. FML

Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML

#19606582
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23233) - you deserved it (3082)

On 05/11/2012 at 9:24am - misc - by MobPerfect (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

#18914939
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23232) - you deserved it (2715)

On 01/26/2012 at 9:49am - love - by The Towel Molester (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

#19388939
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23232) - you deserved it (9514)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

#18284255
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23231) - you deserved it (2913)

On 11/18/2011 at 8:58pm - love - by Trey - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on a homeless guy peeing on a turd on the floor of the women's restroom at the park. I'm a janitor for the city. FML

#19393647
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23231) - you deserved it (2005)

On 04/02/2012 at 4:38am - work - by minimum wage (man) - Canada

Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML

#19352166
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23230) - you deserved it (5472)

On 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by JC (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

#21346989
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23232) - you deserved it (5681)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:51pm - kids - by 3722145 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boss made me run yet another stupid errand. When I delivered the paperwork to his office, I saw an email printout on his desk. Apparently, he has a plan in the works to get me "fried" next month. I'm not sure whether to give him a letter of resignation or a bottle of barbecue sauce. FML

#18088361
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23227) - you deserved it (2352)

On 10/27/2011 at 12:15pm - work - by last literate - Canada (Saskatchewan)



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