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Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16484) - you deserved it (101017)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend decided to have a birthday party for me at this new bar. She texted the wrong address to all of my friends. They showed up at a computer store. FML

#8675398
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16480) - you deserved it (1759)

On 02/26/2010 at 10:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

#19620502
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16478) - you deserved it (1821)

On 05/14/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my company announced a new name. They also announced new coffee mugs with the name on them. They've not announced raises in over 3 years. FML

#19324778
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16476) - you deserved it (1730)

On 03/22/2012 at 2:17am - work - by glens - United States

Today, I shaved my legs and armpits for the first time in 6 weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't have a hot date, I just had my yearly gyno exam. FML

#7151625
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16473) - you deserved it (5941)

On 01/04/2010 at 8:43pm - health - by hairybetty (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

#19166851
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16472) - you deserved it (28445)

On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had a job interview. I have major OCD, and I had to sit in a room with a man covered in cat hair, struggling to even survive for an hour and a half. FML

#19368838
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16469) - you deserved it (3274)

On 03/29/2012 at 7:13am - misc - by toryzhere - Canada

Today, I walked across my kitchen to go get my mom a blanket after she shoveled snow. I slipped and caught the kitchen chair with my side, landed on the floor and almost fracturing my knee cap. She then told me she wasn't cold. FML

#8156006
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16470) - you deserved it (3422)

On 02/12/2010 at 1:20am - health - by a - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

#343744
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16466) - you deserved it (70032)

On 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

#13257198
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16463) - you deserved it (3060)

On 09/29/2010 at 11:17pm - animals - by peepee. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML

#20116490
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16463) - you deserved it (7413)

On 10/14/2012 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Estonia

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

#20194179
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16461) - you deserved it (821)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:50pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

#19867387
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16462) - you deserved it (4525)

On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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