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Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

#20042325
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25212) - you deserved it (2196)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my fiancé changed his text message tone to a fart noise. He thinks it's hilarious and laughs every time he gets a text. He's 35 years old. FML

#17624611
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25211) - you deserved it (7033)

On 08/30/2011 at 9:28pm - love - by AMP4U - United States (California)

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

#21395798
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25210) - you deserved it (4093)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:34pm - animals - by thisisnotavirustrustme.exe (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found myself crying in the bathroom because I started to feel lonely and depressed. My mother came into the bathroom, hearing me cry and gave me an hour long speech about what a beautiful human being I am... And to not forget to lose weight. FML

#13511696
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25209) - you deserved it (5000)

On 10/19/2010 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML

#21388731
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25209) - you deserved it (4666)

On 04/06/2015 at 4:49pm - health - by TheRunaway21 (woman) - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my truck. The good news is that I have a spare set in my house. The bad news is that my house key is on the same keyring as my locked-in truck key. FML

#20521895
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25208) - you deserved it (9135)

On 02/25/2013 at 5:30pm - misc - by burning balls of fuck this - United States (Virginia)

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend saying: "Do you remember last time we slept together?", I answer straight away "Of course I do, it was great!". To which she replies: "I hope you made the most of it: it was the last". FML

#676
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25208) - you deserved it (2166)

On 01/02/2009 at 12:37am - love - by Godmish - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized that the only positive accomplishment my boyfriend has made in the last 3 years is that he started wearing deodorant. FML

#20525032
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25204) - you deserved it (7239)

On 02/27/2013 at 10:28pm - love - by butterflyzag20 - United States

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

#21408444
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25203) - you deserved it (1995)

On 05/11/2015 at 3:39pm - health - by birchbeer - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML

#18750908
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25202) - you deserved it (3668)

On 01/08/2012 at 9:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML

#20186150
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25200) - you deserved it (1917)

On 12/01/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend decided to jump out of a moving car. I had to explain to the nice old lady who stopped that my friend who was convulsing on the ground wasn't on drugs, he's just really stupid. FML

#17903189
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25200) - you deserved it (2773)

On 10/04/2011 at 11:10am - misc - by dmanrique - United States (Texas)



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