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Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

#203455
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (132901) - you deserved it (7098)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:15am - love - by you would (man) - United States (California)

Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

#379230
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (132276) - you deserved it (38105)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by asleepinclass (woman) - Poland (Warszawa)

Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML

Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML

#620821
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131112) - you deserved it (9962)

On 03/26/2009 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

#1600602
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (130323) - you deserved it (7158)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I turned 22, without anyone wishing me a happy birthday. In fact, the only phone call I received all day was from my brother. He wanted to borrow money. FML

#279813
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (129851) - you deserved it (7105)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:59am - misc - by Ondskansgris (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML

#3268493
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (129713) - you deserved it (9679)

On 06/27/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

#992222
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (129306) - you deserved it (7578)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by SwimSquid (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML

Today, my professor's son died in a car accident and class has been cancelled until further notice. All my friends were delighted and cheered about it in front of me. I was dating my professor's son. FML

#14922394
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128076) - you deserved it (5799)

On 02/10/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

#225762
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (126613) - you deserved it (6161)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:11pm - health - by drakx88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML

#3563535
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (126262) - you deserved it (4627)

On 07/07/2009 at 8:36pm - intimacy - by Nicole (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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