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Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

#461201
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (146756) - you deserved it (9239)

On 03/19/2009 at 3:40am - intimacy - by cmerr (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

#405303
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (144588) - you deserved it (38692)

On 03/17/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by princess (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

#483851
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (143804) - you deserved it (14328)

On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - intimacy - by firsttimer69 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

#287682
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (143327) - you deserved it (21627)

On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I called to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said 'Mommy, I don't want to leave.' She wasn't talking to me. FML

#234756
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (142673) - you deserved it (9658)

On 03/07/2009 at 3:15pm - kids - by divorced (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

#2831839
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (141853) - you deserved it (10091)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML

#256127
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (141448) - you deserved it (6407)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:00pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
517 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140927) - you deserved it (7997)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

#1749459
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140234) - you deserved it (14204)

On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait

Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML

#315595
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139780) - you deserved it (11062)

On 03/14/2009 at 1:08am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the alloted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me "rules are rules." FML

#657001
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139668) - you deserved it (6266)

On 03/28/2009 at 2:35am - health - by hospitalflunky (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML

#771501
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139420) - you deserved it (12574)

On 04/02/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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