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Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML
I agree, your life sucks (114310) - you deserved it (28264)
On 03/17/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by princess (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (113697) - you deserved it (4681)
On 03/23/2009 at 6:46pm - animals - by birthdayfun (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the alloted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me "rules are rules." FML
I agree, your life sucks (113675) - you deserved it (4565)
On 03/28/2009 at 2:35am - health - by hospitalflunky (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
I agree, your life sucks (113522) - you deserved it (6693)
On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (112728) - you deserved it (8484)
On 03/14/2009 at 1:08am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML
I agree, your life sucks (112442) - you deserved it (9401)
On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML
I agree, your life sucks (112126) - you deserved it (9869)
On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - intimacy - by firsttimer69 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (111791) - you deserved it (8587)
On 03/26/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by lollipopp56 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML
I agree, your life sucks (111748) - you deserved it (8386)
On 04/02/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I called to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said 'Mommy, I don't want to leave.' She wasn't talking to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (111670) - you deserved it (7035)
On 03/07/2009 at 3:15pm - kids - by divorced (woman) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
I agree, your life sucks (110000) - you deserved it (14730)
On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (109340) - you deserved it (5097)
On 06/02/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by wtf. (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car he pepper sprayed me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (108968) - you deserved it (6844)
On 05/11/2009 at 2:55pm - work - by Ilovelife07 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Friday 24 May 2013
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