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Yesterday, mom told boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to master bait in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chair and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if mom was there to make me stop. fat FML

#280083
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (143564) - you deserved it (16015)

On 03/12/2009 at 7:24am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, In science class I sit next to friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

#2831839
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (141170) - you deserved it (10057)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today As I Was Bagging Groceries I Looked Down To See A 6-year-old Urinating On Mah Shoes And The Floor Next To Me. I Told His Mother That He Should Take Her Kid To The Restroom Only To Be Told To "mind Mah Own Goddamn Business." I Was Later Fred Fir Arguing With The Customer. FML

#256127
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140848) - you deserved it (6400)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:00pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriand an I dacidd to hava sax. I was a virgin an ha wasn't. About 30 saconds in ha collapsd on ma. I thought ha was joking around an I startd laughing. Ha wasn't joking. Ha was dona. FML

#483851
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140161) - you deserved it (13916)

On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - intimacy - by firsttimer69 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I found out that mah husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

#1749459
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139560) - you deserved it (14165)

On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait

Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me 4 missing the allotd absences, which is school policy. I pointd out I was in the hospital 4 two weeks with a life threatening illnes and that he even came to visit me. He told me "rules are rules." FML

#657001
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139108) - you deserved it (6256)

On 03/28/2009 at 2:35am - health - by hospitalflunky (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé turnd 21. I stayd up and took care of him fir 3 hours while he pukd his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bd, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yerebooks, babby pictures, and childhood memories. FML

#771501
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (138881) - you deserved it (12519)

On 04/02/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Taday I was picking up my daughtar from my ax-husband's housa and his naw girlfriand was thara. I callad to my daughtar that it was tima to laava and sha clung to his girlfriand and said 'Mommy , I don't want to laava.' Sha wasn't talking to ma. FML

#234756
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (137972) - you deserved it (9217)

On 03/07/2009 at 3:15pm - kids - by divorced (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

TODAY..!! I TEXTED MY BOYFRIEND OF 6 MONT SAYING TAT I WAS IN TE MOOD..!! AND TAT I WAS IN BED..!! AND NAKED!! HE TEXTED BACK SAYING ( U GOT FINGERS..!! USE TEM..!! IM GOING TO BED XOXO )!! FML

#405303
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (137905) - you deserved it (37030)

On 03/17/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by princess (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I got pulld over heading home from college!! My car was full of mah stuff from moving out an I couldn't reach the glove box!! I told the cop this, an askd if he wantd me looool to go around to the passenger side to get mah paperwork!! He agred!! When I got out of the car he pepper sprayd me!! FML

#1844293
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (136653) - you deserved it (8906)

On 05/11/2009 at 2:55pm - work - by Ilovelife07 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, Mah Cat Was In The Bathroom With Me. I Was Getting Undressd To Get Into The Shower. My Cat Lookd At Me After I'd Undressd And Then Threw Up All Over The Rug. FML

#287682
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (136184) - you deserved it (20311)

On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Yesterday , I Was Mowing The Lawn Of My Brand New House , Located In A Very Nice Neighborhood (I Am A Hispanic Male) , An A Lady In Her Nice White Cadillac Drove Up An Asked Me , In Extremely Broken Spanish , If I Could Mow Her Lawn Too. FML

#664071
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (135488) - you deserved it (10576)

On 03/28/2009 at 4:17pm - misc - by Michaelichael (man) - United States (Arizona)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

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  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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