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Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML

#339773
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118869) - you deserved it (7875)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by Alexa23 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML

#542382
455 comments

I agree, your life sucks (117337) - you deserved it (21641)

On 03/22/2009 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by thisreallysucks2 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went for a jog. I had stopped at an intersection to let a car go by. The car stopped and the driver waved me on, so I started jogging again. After a few steps, I feel a sharp pain in my side, then wake up in the hospital. The driver 'accidentally' hit the gas. FML

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

#4306475
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (116622) - you deserved it (4606)

On 08/05/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

#4630669
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (116381) - you deserved it (8816)

On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

#1719560
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (115858) - you deserved it (5661)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML

#555846
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (115599) - you deserved it (15608)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:38pm - love - by Rajin (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and I over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

#172507
485 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114998) - you deserved it (269463)

On 03/01/2009 at 4:58pm - love - by MrCanoe (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

#658830
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114588) - you deserved it (12621)

On 03/28/2009 at 9:34am - intimacy - by lice (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, is my 16th birthday. Thinking that my parents would be out of town for it like they had every other year, I decided it would be fun to tan nude in my backyard. Apparantly my parents set up a surprise party for my sweet 16. I was standing naked infront of half my school. FML

#385817
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114312) - you deserved it (43099)

On 03/16/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by badbirthday (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML

#570942
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114211) - you deserved it (8296)

On 03/24/2009 at 1:47am - work - by frenchy (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

#16168666
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114087) - you deserved it (16034)

On 05/14/2011 at 7:15am - intimacy - by ali grace - United States (Texas)



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