Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my son told me he needed a haircut. I was thrilled that he actually requested it, since he normally throws a fit over getting them. He described the cut he wants. It's a mullet. FML

#19523693
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25319) - you deserved it (3020)

On 04/24/2012 at 7:59pm - kids - by DaveAlmighty (man) - United States

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

#19517989
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30207) - you deserved it (5505)

On 04/23/2012 at 6:51pm - kids - by sadmommy - United States (Texas)

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

#19511225
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22604) - you deserved it (2420)

On 04/22/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a fat girl's bike. FML

#19510185
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23898) - you deserved it (6091)

On 04/22/2012 at 8:09am - kids - by Mary Kathryn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML

#19506511
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24238) - you deserved it (2815)

On 04/21/2012 at 3:26pm - kids - by Lorena - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

#19488464
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24331) - you deserved it (2426)

On 04/18/2012 at 2:57am - kids - by ChampionshipVinyl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML

#19479496
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21873) - you deserved it (5389)

On 04/16/2012 at 6:00pm - kids - by orangechicken (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

#19475890
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22282) - you deserved it (3072)

On 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm - kids - by sigh (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, despite the fact that I'm really sick, my mom insisted that I come home and help babysit my cousins this weekend. When I got there, everyone else took off to do "errands," leaving me with three hyperactive, howler monkey-like children to deal with. FML

#19467974
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21852) - you deserved it (2456)

On 04/14/2012 at 6:19pm - kids - by Rory - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I surprised my daughter by telling her that I'm going to treat the family to a trip to the Himalayas in a few months. She promptly threw a tantrum and listed her main reasons for not wanting us to go: "It's a freaking desert there," and, "I'll miss the new Spiderman movie." FML

#19463259
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25053) - you deserved it (3937)

On 04/13/2012 at 9:01pm - kids - by neverakid (man) - United States

Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "sex". My son is 16. FML

#19453519
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24132) - you deserved it (3664)

On 04/12/2012 at 12:18am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML

#19447542
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18281) - you deserved it (20509)

On 04/11/2012 at 1:04am - kids - by vanessax (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my daughter sat me down for a long talk. It turns out that she thinks she is the Chosen One. FML



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: