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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

#19076647
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26019) - you deserved it (2643)

On 02/14/2012 at 5:29pm - kids - by ShylaMarie - Canada

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

#19066178
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20833) - you deserved it (4170)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:31pm - kids - by Username - India

Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on the average cell phone. My five year old son apparently overheard me talking, and decided to give my cell phone a bath. FML

#19066123
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25766) - you deserved it (5932)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:23pm - kids - by Katherine - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

#19059341
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38379) - you deserved it (2822)

On 02/12/2012 at 7:18pm - kids - by amythest - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, my friend's kid chased me with a rusty, sharp tent peg and threatened to kill me. When I finally got him to calm down he ran off to his room. Later, I found the tent peg under his pillow with a note that said my name. My friend thinks it's hilarious. I am staying here for a week. FML

#19046933
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27289) - you deserved it (2056)

On 02/11/2012 at 8:41am - kids - by FuckLife (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

#19039920
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24069) - you deserved it (3002)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:51am - kids - by ilana (woman) - United States

Today, trying to pocket a little extra cash for himself, my dad responded to multiple babysitting ads on Craigslist, accepting them all on my behalf. I despise children with all my heart. FML

#18985606
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24671) - you deserved it (8061)

On 02/03/2012 at 5:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

#18983389
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20081) - you deserved it (22180)

On 02/03/2012 at 10:49am - kids - by AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old daughter why she can't pull a duck face pose for her driver's license. She still doesn't believe me. FML

#18982251
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30170) - you deserved it (3962)

On 02/03/2012 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I finally got my stubborn toddler to take an afternoon nap after an hour and a half of wrestling with her. Ten minutes later, a UPS package arrived at my door. The UPS man decided it would be a good idea to ring my doorbell repeatedly in rapid-fire sequence as he was walking away. FML

#18974357
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24921) - you deserved it (2459)

On 02/02/2012 at 2:07am - kids - by Insomniac (woman) - United States

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

#18972583
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24327) - you deserved it (3077)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:11pm - kids - by Bruce (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

#18969036
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26115) - you deserved it (3593)

On 02/01/2012 at 2:35pm - kids - by Anonymous -

Today, my nine year old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML

#18960486
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27794) - you deserved it (4917)

On 01/31/2012 at 12:31pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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