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Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

#405303
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (136355) - you deserved it (36802)

On 03/17/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by princess (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait til marriage. Four hours later he walked in on us having sex in my bedroom. FML

#400298
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45562) - you deserved it (238874)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by thiswouldhappen. - United States (Florida)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (173622) - you deserved it (34122)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML

#381498
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (155168) - you deserved it (21679)

On 03/16/2009 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by gfg (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

#379230
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124827) - you deserved it (36465)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by asleepinclass (woman) - Poland (Warszawa)

Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

#364382
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (180258) - you deserved it (28482)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm - intimacy - by illequipt - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

#360907
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71440) - you deserved it (16532)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by hala (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

#350139
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72571) - you deserved it (27181)

On 03/15/2009 at 6:45pm - intimacy - by Moanie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

#346119
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (111687) - you deserved it (15758)

On 03/15/2009 at 4:47pm - intimacy - by MarMar (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

#343744
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17857) - you deserved it (72775)

On 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

#333787
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76091) - you deserved it (39378)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:45am - intimacy - by 12incher (man) - United States (Georgia)



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