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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

#21369995
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25992) - you deserved it (8215)

On 03/07/2015 at 3:14pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

#21369959
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34379) - you deserved it (3202)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by greatly disturbed - United States (California)

feven's comment : Parents think they're so slick. Kids understand the dirty jokes by age 12 thank you and please stop

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Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML

#21369958
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30763) - you deserved it (3842)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

jainam's comment : Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

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Today, at an important statewide band performance, my mom stayed in her seat, silent, while everyone else gave a standing ovation. FML

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

#21369938
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32507) - you deserved it (3023)

On 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Ruthie86's comment : I made an account just for this. That was, literally, the funniest thing i have read on this site.

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Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

#21369892
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27087) - you deserved it (2712)

On 03/07/2015 at 11:59am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I watched in horror from the doorway as my brother furiously scratched at his greasy hair and ate the large flakes of dead skin that came loose from his scalp. I think our real dad might be caged in a zoo somewhere. FML

#21369858
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26984) - you deserved it (2077)

On 03/07/2015 at 10:58am - misc - by GROSS (woman) - Bangladesh

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

#21369803
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27842) - you deserved it (4837)

On 03/07/2015 at 7:14am - animals - by farksh (woman) - Australia

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

#21369784
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33515) - you deserved it (2173)

On 03/07/2015 at 5:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

#21369637
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27607) - you deserved it (5487)

On 03/06/2015 at 11:26pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I didn't get the promotion I interviewed for at work. A guy who's worked here for only two months did. My supervisor's reason: she doesn't think I'm going to amount to anything. I work at Home Depot to pay my way for college. FML

#21369624
62 comments

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

#21369589
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34656) - you deserved it (2008)

On 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my sister and I went to visit my grandma. She looked at my sister and said, "You are just so skinny! You need to eat more cookies!" She then turned to me and said, "You should lay off the cookies!" FML



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