by notmyfam / 09/09/2016 at 3:47am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time in months. Afterwards, when he thought I was asleep, I caught him jacking off to porn. His defense: "Why should you be the only one to get off multiple times?" I got off once, from the toy he used, pre-sex. He then got mad at me for catching him. FML
by kaijen / 09/09/2016 at 1:11am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
booman342's comment : Communication is the most important part of any relationship. How can you hope for a problem to be solved if your other half isn't aware of it in the first place? I'm not criticizing you or your husband, I just want you to remember that healthy conversation about these issues is the healthiest way of resolving them.
Today, I got a call from my panicking grandmother. I asked her what was going on, and she explained that, “Godzilla doesn’t work.” Not really understanding, I asked her to clarify. “Yes, you know, Godzilla, to use the internet.” FML
by Grandzilla / 09/09/2016 at 12:10am / France (Champagne-Ardenne) / Geek
KaylaRox1908's comment : Gonna start calling Mozilla Firefox 'Godzilla Firelizard' instead, thank you
Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML
by subtweetqueen / 09/09/2016 at 12:18am / United States (California) / Kids
by Gottabekidding / 09/08/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
sohigh10's comment : log entry 5123: writing down log entry log entry 5124: writing down log entry log entry 5125: writing down log entry...
Today, my boyfriend told me he only loves me sometimes. He explained what days he chooses to love me and what days he doesn't want to. I told him that's not how it works. He disagreed. He's 27. He still doesn't understand why this is a problem. FML
by Now What / 09/08/2016 at 1:04pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of a bra he claimed I left at his house. I know every single bra I own, and it wasn't one of them, or so I thought. Only after I broke up with him did I remember I lost that bra two months ago. FML
by Anonymous / 09/08/2016 at 11:31am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Needlongerarms / 09/08/2016 at 8:56am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Geek
Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML
Today, after attending lectures for months, studying for weeks, and spending hours writing a 15-page research paper, I was informed that due to technological issues during registration, I was not enrolled in the class. FML
by mermaidkeels / 09/08/2016 at 12:54am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML
by Thatgirl112 / 09/07/2016 at 11:59pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I just got my windshield fixed due to a rock hitting it off the highway. Just one hour later on my way home, a large stick flew off the back of a landscaping truck. My windshield is cracked again. FML.
by Anonymous / 09/07/2016 at 11:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation