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Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

#21406274
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28518) - you deserved it (2497)

On 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by Random737193 - United States (New Jersey)

fifi125's comment : "I found ham between some bread once"

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Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31597) - you deserved it (5293)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Welshite's comment : Definitely not the type of head he was expecting.

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Today, I was out with my youngest cousin and we had to stop for gas. Since he just got his license, I asked if he wanted to pump the gas while I went into the station to get snacks and pay. He pumped my car full of diesel. FML

#21406178
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28388) - you deserved it (6261)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Welshite's comment : What a pain in the gas.

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Today, my grandmother came to visit and asked me, "Did you change your hair, or are you just fatter now?" FML

#21406084
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27144) - you deserved it (2559)

On 05/07/2015 at 7:01am - misc - by Chubby (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I called one of my old coworkers to see how she was doing. My boyfriend answered the phone. FML

#21406043
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32665) - you deserved it (2105)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:27am - love - by that one anon - United States (California)

Today, my main source of income is finding money on the ground. FML

#21406019
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27414) - you deserved it (4827)

On 05/07/2015 at 1:12am - work - by CASH_NoMOMEY - United States (California)

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

#21405973
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31460) - you deserved it (4289)

On 05/06/2015 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by dadoftheyear (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend complained that I only respond to his flirtations with exasperation and annoyance. Apparently, grunting and humping my leg like an ill-mannered dog while I'm trying to wash dishes is his way of flirting. FML

#21405919
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29287) - you deserved it (3152)

On 05/06/2015 at 10:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while out shopping with friends, I was apphrehended by two bounty hunters because they recognized my purple-dyed hair. Too bad my name isn't Natalie, who apparently shares the same hair color. They didn't believe me, even after I showed my ID. FML

Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

#21405647
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18187) - you deserved it (31238)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

#21405584
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10749) - you deserved it (39800)

On 05/06/2015 at 10:34am - work - by Freelman - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML

#21405568
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27616) - you deserved it (2793)

On 05/06/2015 at 9:36am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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