Today, my wallet got stolen. I had a bunch of cash, my SS card and my license in it. Now I have to replace everything, only to have to renew my license again when I turn 21 in June. FML

by pissedandpoor / 04/15/2016 at 1:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

bella_nana347's comment : Who carries their social security card in their wallet? That's just dumb man

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Today, I tried to power through work on a construction site after a couple of sick days. I can't do anything without constantly sucking on cough drops. And it turns out that excessive consumption of cough drops can have a laxative effect. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2016 at 1:06pm / United States / Work

Today, as I was stretching, I realized my hand can reach all the way up to touch the fan, when it was on, and going full speed. FML

by numb fingers / 04/15/2016 at 1:54am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML

by Hairy Cheek / 04/15/2016 at 12:27am / United States (Missouri) / Work

wheresmymary's comment : Were you not wearing underwear?

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Today, I came to class, prepared with my notes for the debate we were having today. My teacher then told me that I would be representing the opposite side I chose, despite her saying we could choose our own sides. This happened minutes before the debate started, and my notes were useless. FML

thealtairahad's comment : Hate to say it but that was probably the point. Your teacher made everyone debate the opposite sides so that he/she could see how well you actually can debate, without pre-planning. Pure, on the spot debate, even for something you disagree with (going on the assumption you chose the side you agreed with more before she made everyone switch). Tldr it was probably on purpose.

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Today, after working like a caffeine-fuelled thunderstorm for 9 hours straight on an art project, my 2 friends informed me that it was due next week. I slept for 10 hours, and then went to my class without my project, thinking I lucked out in the long run. Clearly not, as it was due today. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 8:12pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was hauling cow shit. I had a car following me very closely, so I turned on the spreader to get them to back off. It was a cop. I got pulled over in a tractor for spraying cow shit on a cop car. FML

by farmingman / 04/14/2016 at 7:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, on a train, a little boy and girl come up to me and ask how babies are made. Already pretty uncomfortable with their question, their mother suddenly appears and says, "Go on, tell them!" FML

by Anthony / 04/14/2016 at 7:15pm / France / Intimacy

Today, I shattered my iPhone screen. Pieces of glass are chipping out and can easily slice up any idiot who slides their finger across the screen. Unfortunately, I was that idiot. There's blood in the cracks of my screen. FML

by Anon / 04/14/2016 at 6:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, we had a surprise test at school. I was totally unprepared for any of it, so I BSd the whole thing and turned it in. A few minutes later, our teacher said we were allowed to use our notes to finish the test. FML

by me / 04/14/2016 at 1:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to spend a long bus ride with my chest pressed against the window, because some mammoth of a woman decided to squeeze her double wide ass into my seat. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 1:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend told me she no longer wants an "active friendship" with me. She says she doesn't have time to see me, since she has a boyfriend and a bunch of friends she's spent years bitching to me about. We've gone from a 14 year friendship to awkwardly nodding at each other in the street. FML

by BFFN / 04/14/2016 at 11:36am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 1:13am / United States / Health