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Today, three weeks after my sister took in a wounded porcupine from our backyard and let it roam about the house, I learned that it sheds quills from time to time. How did I learn this? By stepping on three of said quills hidden in the carpet. I still have only managed to pull one out. FML

prostar9993's comment : Their quills are barbed. Be careful pulling them out, you could do some serious dmg to your foot.

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Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

#21334215
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26093) - you deserved it (1907)

On 01/09/2015 at 10:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML

#21334154
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27301) - you deserved it (7996)

On 01/09/2015 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

clumsylobster's comment : If it makes you feel better, he probably gave up and just watched porn

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Today, my boyfriend gave me my first ever orgasm. Then he bitched me out for insulting his intelligence, saying it was "blatantly fake" and that "women don't orgasm like that". FML

#21334061
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32493) - you deserved it (2695)

On 01/09/2015 at 6:09pm - intimacy - by good2know (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Astrum14's comment : Dude needs to watch less porn and have sex with women more.

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Today, I went to work and said hi to my boss. He reached towards me. I thought he was trying to give me a hug, so I awkwardly hugged him back. Turned out he was just trying to fix my shirt collar. FML

#21334002
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26428) - you deserved it (3764)

On 01/09/2015 at 4:17pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

#21333974
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38577) - you deserved it (3041)

On 01/09/2015 at 3:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML

#21333944
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39332) - you deserved it (2452)

On 01/09/2015 at 2:04pm - love - by je suis christy - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, after paying a job coach a load of money for his services, pretty much the only advice he gave me was "Send out more résumés." FML

#21333885
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24547) - you deserved it (4193)

On 01/09/2015 at 11:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend bought a new toaster. It not only pops up the bread when done, it also beeps loudly. It makes me scream in terror every single time. My boyfriend has now vowed to "Toast 'til the end of time." It's going to be a long year. FML

Today, I found out my boyfriend was on a dating website. He came up as an ideal match for my sister. FML

#21333814
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31723) - you deserved it (2494)

On 01/09/2015 at 7:06am - love - by ohdearyme - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML

#21333809
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33132) - you deserved it (2156)

On 01/09/2015 at 6:43am - love - by swimfaned - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML

#21333775
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29689) - you deserved it (6085)

On 01/09/2015 at 4:11am - love - by pitytitty (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

#21333736
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27253) - you deserved it (3672)

On 01/09/2015 at 1:44am - animals - by Crazy Cat Guy (man) - United States (California)



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