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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got in trouble for missing my shift. According to my idiot boss, "Crashes don't just happen." FML

#21442988
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25954) - you deserved it (1683)

On 07/17/2015 at 10:59am - work - by yeah - United States (Oregon)

Wer3Wolf3's comment : Wreck his car. When he asks, say the exact same thing.

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Today, I was standing on a step ladder to reach the batteries on top of my fridge so I could change the ones in my TV remote. My sister thought it would be funny to shake the ladder and see what would happen. I now have a broken leg and a TV remote with dead batteries in it. FML

#21442946
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25085) - you deserved it (1751)

On 07/17/2015 at 8:40am - misc - by damnnn - Australia

Kurby14's comment : throw the remote at her every chance you get

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Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

#21442921
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25140) - you deserved it (3274)

On 07/17/2015 at 7:00am - intimacy - by battle1 - United States (Georgia)

thevelociraptor's comment : I'm thinking your best friend may want to be a little more than just buddies.

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Today, I sent my long-distance boyfriend a heartfelt message about how much I missed him. He sent me back a picture of a Minion. FML

#21442865
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25243) - you deserved it (3211)

On 07/17/2015 at 3:04am - love - by anon - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I witnessed the most awful park job ever. Without thinking, I found a piece of paper and wrote on the back, "Nice park, asshole". Turns out it was an old airline boarding pass, and my name, address and phone number were neatly displayed with the message. FML

Today, it's got to the point where my parents have to force me to plan social outings. FML

#21442703
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21532) - you deserved it (5009)

On 07/16/2015 at 6:47pm - misc - by TheDarth (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML

#21442690
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31891) - you deserved it (4203)

On 07/16/2015 at 6:21pm - kids - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend didn't break up with me, but his mom did. FML

Today, after having to spend over an hour yesterday giving the man I'm in love with advice on how to impress his date yesterday evening, I got to spend another hour listening to how great their sex was last night. FML

#21442664
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24152) - you deserved it (6181)

On 07/16/2015 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by jealousgirl - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

#21442630
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24293) - you deserved it (4290)

On 07/16/2015 at 3:22pm - misc - by Boneo and Juliet - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I saw my friend at the mall. He didn't see me, so I called him to say "Turn around." He took one look at his phone, snorted loudly enough for me to hear from way off, and put it back in his pocket. FML

#21442628
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24206) - you deserved it (2052)

On 07/16/2015 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked nice in my profile picture. I began to reply "Aww, thank you!" until he sent another message saying "Mostly because your face isn't in it." FML

#21442569
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22607) - you deserved it (2463)

On 07/16/2015 at 1:03pm - love - by hayleediaz - United States (California)

Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML

#21442530
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26542) - you deserved it (1512)

On 07/16/2015 at 10:47am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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