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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while on vacation, my parents called to inform me that my best friend had died in a car accident. Why? To trick me into tearfully confessing my love for him. It worked. FML

#21272324
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47004) - you deserved it (3858)

On 10/06/2014 at 9:14pm - love - by whywouldyoudothat - United States (Arizona)

devildog562's comment : Wow, worst parents ever.

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Today, I told my boyfriend about how I was a test tube baby. He looked at me with confusion before asking, "But if scientists made you, surely you'd be really attractive and talented and stuff?" FML

#21272259
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37892) - you deserved it (3753)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:47pm - misc - by thanks babe - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

JMichael's comment : You might want to explain to him what a test tube baby is.

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Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

#21272255
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34898) - you deserved it (3638)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

dimerneckel's comment : He doesn't want to marry you in the middle of such an amazing massage, that's all

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Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML

#21272236
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32496) - you deserved it (3261)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:05pm - misc - by thenewgirl - United States (Florida)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

#21272098
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39253) - you deserved it (3859)

On 10/06/2014 at 3:46pm - love - by kittenfish8903 (woman) - United States

Today, my laziness reached a whole new level when I caught myself skipping the longer FML stories to read the shorter ones. FML

#21272079
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29423) - you deserved it (11521)

On 10/06/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by eh - Azerbaijan (Baki)

Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML

#21271972
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35885) - you deserved it (4385)

On 10/06/2014 at 11:05am - work - by theseguysarewhipped... - Canada (Ontario)

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

#21271662
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36082) - you deserved it (7240)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm - health - by PickYourselfUp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35249) - you deserved it (15790)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

#21271461
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42263) - you deserved it (2499)

On 10/05/2014 at 7:30pm - animals - by FML - United States (Texas)

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

#21271391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34348) - you deserved it (4047)

On 10/05/2014 at 5:34pm - kids - by SmellyCloset (man) - United States (California)

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

#21271313
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22945) - you deserved it (33566)

On 10/05/2014 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom



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Friday 24 October 2014

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