2016/11/21
Blog

Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML

by Anonymous1221 / 11/21/2016 at 2:12am / Love

Today, under the Northern Lights of the Arctic Circle, I presented my girlfriend with an engagement ring and asked her if she would become my wife. She said, "I can’t, I have mittens." FML

by PasFiancé / 10/09/2015 at 4:15am / Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, when my ex said he wanted to be friends, what he meant was that he wanted me to help him hook up with 18-year-olds. FML

by boyBYE / 11/16/2016 at 6:30pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML

by thisisstupid_17 / 11/16/2016 at 9:47am / Intimacy

DannyDizzle's comment : It's his loose... sorry I mean loss

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Today, my crazy downstairs neighbor was yet again fighting with her boyfriend by slamming every door. When this didn't work, she went downstairs to fight with his grill. She wheeled it to the end of the driveway and pushed it over. FML

by Murphs_Law / 11/16/2016 at 1:37am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

by broke / 11/15/2016 at 10:08pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on vacation, my brother asked a native of the area for help. Once he got it, he thanked them with "muchos gracias" in the best Spanish accent he could do. We're in Japan. FML

by thismustbewhyivestrivedtobesmart / 11/15/2016 at 1:25pm / United States (New York) / Holidays

Today, I discovered that the fire alarm in my building will go insane when I'm trying to cook chicken, but won't make a sound when my towels start actually burning on the radiator. FML

by murtato / 11/19/2016 at 7:40pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was the only sober person at a bonfire. After being hit in the eye with a snowball, taking people's keys away because they were too wasted to drive, making sure no one died and stabbing the bottom of my foot with a nail, I got to sleep in the snow. Without any blankets. FML

by Alaska fire / 11/19/2016 at 5:14pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my job in a pub, I was cleaning the pub garden ready for closedown. There was a girl crouched on the floor under a table. By the time I'd realised what she was doing and turned around, she'd already finished, apologised, and left me to clean up her piss. FML

by wtfamidoing98 / 11/19/2016 at 2:54pm / United Kingdom (Ceredigion) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I understand the finer points of the government in Star Wars better than I understand the U.S. government. FML

by nerd / 11/19/2016 at 2:52pm / Geek

Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML

by emeraldarcher74 / 11/19/2016 at 1:34pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous