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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my college charged me for tuition for next semester. I graduated 2 years ago. I have a degree from a place too stupid to only charge current students. FML

#21407028
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27192) - you deserved it (1958)

On 05/08/2015 at 11:31pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

meatloaf11's comment : Like they didn't already charge you enough money.

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Today, I found out the reason why my car has smelled so bad for the past two weeks. It turns out when my sister was bringing in groceries from my car she forgot to grab the raw chicken. FML

Today, and for the first time in months, I woke up feeling well rested and ready to face the day. At 7pm. FML

#21406879
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25054) - you deserved it (3125)

On 05/08/2015 at 5:32pm - health - by better late than never -

Today, I found my 15-year-old son sleeping on the couch. I asked why, and he said he'd rented his room out to someone on Craigslist to make extra money, so he was getting used to sleeping in the living room instead. FML

#21406874
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29054) - you deserved it (2356)

On 05/08/2015 at 5:19pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

skippydoda's comment : I like the entrepreneurial spirit! Business mind like that, he'll go places.

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Today, I found out that maggots can live inside of a saxophone. FML

#21406781
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27260) - you deserved it (3712)

On 05/08/2015 at 1:40pm - misc - by McWhopper - United States (Massachusetts)

jesterinperil's comment : Rule number one: NEVER leave your reed on your mouthpiece.

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Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

#21406764
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18181) - you deserved it (34317)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

#21406759
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25635) - you deserved it (3231)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:46pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML

#21406740
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23941) - you deserved it (6734)

On 05/08/2015 at 11:44am - work - by pop, pop (man) - United States (California)

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

#21406695
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13108) - you deserved it (34696)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

#21406694
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30388) - you deserved it (2788)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:44am - misc - by brittrus - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML

#21406668
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27419) - you deserved it (1808)

On 05/08/2015 at 8:46am - misc - by MedChew (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

#21406510
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28724) - you deserved it (2629)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:23pm - animals - by MyNameIsNotJeff (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

#21406460
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29249) - you deserved it (7361)

On 05/07/2015 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by Bonnie and Clyde - United States (Texas)



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