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Today, I told my mom that once I leave school, I want to join the clergy, and how much it meant to me. Her response: "Never knew you wanted to molest kids so much!" FML

#21270314
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29806) - you deserved it (6309)

On 10/03/2014 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML

#21270236
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28951) - you deserved it (5124)

On 10/03/2014 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, a customer was looking for some decking materials. I took her around the store and pointed out some nice plywood, noting that it's also fire-retardant, which might interest her. She got pissed off and bitched me out for supposedly calling her a retard. FML

#21270214
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31065) - you deserved it (2456)

On 10/03/2014 at 5:13pm - work - by hopeless (man) - Canada

xlord's comment : Well if she got that mad she very well might be...

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Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

#21270200
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32743) - you deserved it (2426)

On 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Hollywoodgirl79's comment : This is why we need better sex education not just "abstinence only"

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Today, my sister and her new husband invited our family and my fiancé over to look at their wedding pictures. Turns out, I caught the bouquet and flashed the world in the process. FML

#21270191
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30837) - you deserved it (3445)

On 10/03/2014 at 4:22pm - misc - by sisterofthebride (woman) - United States

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

#21270163
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41911) - you deserved it (3616)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by oncehipjr (man) - United States (Texas)

catalina16's comment : There's more than one type of condom material out there

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Today, the only reason I work 12-hour shifts and close at midnight every Saturday is because my boss doesn't like the fact that I have a boyfriend. FML

Today, my colleague and I played yet another wonderful game of 'Tapeworm or Toilet Paper?' in the homeless shelter's toilets we were asked to clean. FML

#21270023
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29074) - you deserved it (3340)

On 10/03/2014 at 7:29am - work - by whydoidothis (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

#21269981
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29625) - you deserved it (2201)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:00am - misc - by youredisgusting - United States (California)

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

#21269829
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29654) - you deserved it (10221)

On 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm - work - by stewardess - United States (Texas)

Today, it's my birthday. I've spent most of it apologizing to my parents for the "hassle" of "having" to arrange a simple birthday dinner. Sorry I was born, guys. FML

#21269752
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33124) - you deserved it (2657)

On 10/02/2014 at 7:51pm - misc - by Sorry (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

#21269654
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29859) - you deserved it (3790)

On 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm - kids - by mykodu - Canada (Ontario)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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