Today, my roommate told me that she was studying in the library. Turns out, she didn't feel like going to the library and just spent all afternoon studying in a friend's room because she didn't think I was capable of shutting up for long enough to get any work done. Our other friends agreed. FML

by shutup shutup shutup don't wanna hear it / 11/07/2016 at 7:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, after the collapse of the Empire, some Stormtroopers were able to retrain and have successful new careers. Not us, we can't even hit the right notes. FML

On 11/13/2016 at 12:59pm
© DR

Today, I went to the store to buy new blankets and a comforter. A cute guy started chatting with me and asked about the new bedroom decor. I lied and said I just had a major break up and needed new things, instead of admitting I was too lazy to dig out and wash my winter blankets from last year. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2016 at 3:13pm / Miscellaneous

Wizardo's comment : I hope you sleep well in your blanket of lies. Lies I say.

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Today, I helped my hoarder grandfather clean out his garage. Not only did I step on a nail, I also slipped in a puddle of used oil that's been sitting out for two years, and broke my nose. He didn't pay me since I wasn't able to finish the job. FML

by megamonster99 / 11/07/2016 at 10:06am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé asked me how soon I wanted him to move out. FML

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out a girl I've had a crush on for months now. She told me I was very cute and then walked off. I still don't have an answer. FML

by hoppgrasser / 11/12/2016 at 10:17am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Lucyyy123's comment : I think she was trying to say no, but in a nicer way. I'm sorry OP, at least she wasn't an asshole about it!

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Today, at work, I had to explain to a customer that she can't connect her tablet to her home WiFi while she's at work. I went to MIT for this. FML

by Z / 11/06/2016 at 6:33pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, I was given a building key that students aren't supposed to have because they'll lose it. I told my coach I wouldn't lose the key. The same key disappeared not even 20 minutes later without a trace. I still can't find it, and it's been an hour. FML

by rosecolas / 11/12/2016 at 8:36am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my boss at my new job yelled at me for being 15 minutes early to work. Last week he yelled at me for being late for my shift when I arrived 5 minutes early. He's considering this my final warning before I'm fired. FML

by Late / 11/12/2016 at 2:45am / Work

soullyfe's comment : 5 minutes before work time, you're late. 15 minutes before work time, you're early. You OBVIOUSLY need to come in 10 minutes before work time to be right on time. Logic and all. But seriously, if your boss is like that, I'd just start job searching now.

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Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed because hers is ,"reserved for sleeping only". FML

by Arizonagirl / 11/06/2016 at 2:31am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

by Redhairchick / 11/06/2016 at 2:08am / Health

Today, I went hiking in China. I knew I was unfit, I didn't know I was "being overtaken by an old lady leading a donkey" unfit. FML

by Earl_KarmasBitch / 11/05/2016 at 9:02am / China (Yunnan) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my cat used his expensive new bed for the first time since he got it last month. He used it as a litter box. FML

by All The Best People Are Crazy~ / 11/03/2016 at 11:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals