Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39135) - you deserved it (9425)
On 05/04/2013 at 4:11am - health - by thatonesilentkidinclass (man) - Philippines (Batangas)
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (53571) - you deserved it (10876)
On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -
↑ ComoEsJuan's comment : I guess things could be worse?
Today, I was checking out a customer who seemed quite friendly. As I finished, he reached slightly over the counter and I impulsively reached out and shook his hand. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I have my change please?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (21227) - you deserved it (27790)
On 05/04/2013 at 1:17am - work - by charishard - United States (Texas)
Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I then found myself starting to like him, until he shot me in the forehead with a stapler gun. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41929) - you deserved it (3563)
On 05/03/2013 at 9:30pm - work - by annoyedgirl - United States (Washington)
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52338) - you deserved it (2700)
On 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands
↑ Offspring's comment : Good luck in court, it sucks when officers assume people are together.
Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34439) - you deserved it (4589)
On 05/03/2013 at 8:39pm - misc - by DeActivated (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML
I agree, your life sucks (44054) - you deserved it (4022)
On 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany
Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications for "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38200) - you deserved it (2214)
On 05/03/2013 at 4:52pm - health - by SSeizeTheDay (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38503) - you deserved it (2725)
On 05/03/2013 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56802) - you deserved it (6577)
On 05/03/2013 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was hitting on a cute girl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opened Safari on my phone. It opened to my video from Pornhub I watched yesterday and started playing, on full volume, through the entire bus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22609) - you deserved it (60246)
On 05/03/2013 at 9:23am - misc - by acnecream - Finland (Eastern Finland)
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43877) - you deserved it (5711)
On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43038) - you deserved it (4411)
On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 20 May 2013
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