2016/07/05
Blog

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

by Bacon0426 / 07/04/2016 at 5:03pm / United States (New York) / Holidays

Today, I got offered a free $80 salon haircut by a girl I've liked for awhile. Thinking this was my chance to get close to her, I accepted, only to find out it was for a class her boyfriend was teaching. He was the one cutting my hair. FML

by Mr_Jah / 07/04/2016 at 4:33pm / United States (Texas) / Love

CharlieKearney's comment : If you've liked her for a while, wouldn't you know she already had a boyfriend?

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Today, my parents are forcing me to take my brother with me when I hang out with my friends. This wouldn't be that weird if my brother wasn't 26. FML

by swervelol / 07/04/2016 at 3:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

zedjaleaf1's comment : You're either 13 or 48 Either way I have so many questions. Although if you're 48 and living with your parents I doubt you would be going out, just fapping and playing online games.... Like me.

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Today, I had to awkwardly sit next to my ex and her mother on a 2-hour flight. FML

by GatorBoi / 07/04/2016 at 1:59pm / United States (California) / Transportation

WCARlover's comment : Sounds like a good time to try skydiving for the first time, OP

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Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

by ugh / 07/04/2016 at 1:26pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, our e-mail server went down. When I called IT to find out what the status was, they told me they e-mailed everyone with an update. FML

by Butch / 07/04/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

by TooNoisy4Me / 07/04/2016 at 5:46am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I moved into a new apartment. While moving boxes, I ran into my supervisor from work. Guess who lives across the hall. FML

by Mnm54312 / 07/04/2016 at 3:19am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I went to my friend's little brother's birthday party. A few of the younger kids were hitting me with a pool noodle, and I didn't really care until a 9-year-old loudly exclaimed, "Hit her in the pussy!" FML

by punmessiah / 07/04/2016 at 2:09am / United States (Texas) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I declined an apartment because it didn't have a detachable shower head that I could use for my enjoyment. FML

by albinoalligator / 07/03/2016 at 8:48pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I sold my Christmas gift from my father on eBay as I'm so desperate for cash. It's also the day I got scammed by an eBay buyer. FML

by naive_girl / 07/03/2016 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Money

Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

by Xerfox / 07/03/2016 at 2:05pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Miscellaneous