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Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

#21441958
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25261) - you deserved it (3440)

On 07/15/2015 at 7:15am - animals - by gassy - United States (Florida)

menja's comment : Well, how about you stop eating dairy products then?

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Today, I passed by a cute girl who was staring intensely at me. When I glanced in her direction, she smiled. Taking this as a positive sign, I approached her. Before I could say anything, she handed me a flyer explaining the benefits of STD testing. Apparently, I look like I need it. FML

#21441952
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25717) - you deserved it (2725)

On 07/15/2015 at 6:25am - intimacy - by Teste (man) - Spain

Soloman212's comment : Maybe she was actually hitting on you and she's very paranoid about STDs.

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Today, I was having a dinner party. My guests were getting along really well. I mean, really well; it turns out they all went to the same high school. For the next five hours, I hosted a high school reunion for a school I didn't even go to, in my own home. FML

#21441771
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25722) - you deserved it (2414)

On 07/14/2015 at 10:11pm - misc - by trappedinmyownhome (woman) -

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

#21441743
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26860) - you deserved it (1929)

On 07/14/2015 at 9:04pm - work - by ineedaraise (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

DevilsMetsGiants's comment : Report her to her boss or to HR. Just make sure you have hard evidence and not just your coworker's word

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Today, after working a double shift, I got home to total pandemonium. My dogs had crapped all over the house, my kitchen was soaking wet, etc. My mother, who just moved in with me, was sitting on the couch, saying she had no idea what happened. FML

Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

#21441553
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21764) - you deserved it (2266)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm - kids - by Andrew - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a woman left our first date just because I didn't like the same character as her on a TV show. FML

#21441535
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22200) - you deserved it (2198)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:28pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I had to listen to Lou Bega's 'Mambo Number 5' on constant replay for 3 hours, because my little sister was trying to learn a dance for a recital. It would have been even longer than 3 hours, but she then realized that she was dancing to the wrong song. FML

#21441519
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22021) - you deserved it (1449)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, the waste disposal truck managed to tip over a portapotty on our work site, causing the contents to overflow and run down the bank towards my portakabin office, where someone had left the door open. All my money, ID and my car keys are now shut off to me by a river of shit. FML

#21441443
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24332) - you deserved it (1644)

On 07/14/2015 at 8:00am - work - by mississpissi (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

#21441433
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27705) - you deserved it (1563)

On 07/14/2015 at 6:33am - misc - by ow my kidneys (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 weeks showed up at my house at 7 AM. I was about to give him a kiss when he said, "Good morning, is Sarah here?" I was confused until I realized he didn't recognize me because I had no make up on. FML

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

#21441357
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23871) - you deserved it (19611)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:03am - intimacy - by EternalBlossom (woman) - United States



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