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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, during a series of violent sneezes due to a cold, I bit my tongue. My tongue is now so swollen I cannot close my mouth and am drooling profusely. I have to get ready to go to my job as a cashier. FML

#20704938
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37506) - you deserved it (2876)

On 06/04/2013 at 2:47am - health - by samaram (woman) - United States

Today, I received a death threat from some nutball accusing me of being part of some big government conspiracy called "Haarp." According to this psycho, I'm responsible for causing the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. I'm just a small-time weatherman. FML

#20703997
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42192) - you deserved it (2852)

On 06/03/2013 at 7:13pm - misc - by fuck wannabe knowitalls (man) - United States

↑ newburton13's comment : I thought the stereotype was the weatherman is never right.

See all the comments →

Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML

#20703790
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52833) - you deserved it (6376)

On 06/03/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by VDM (man) - Sent from mobile version

↑ EdwardC777's comment : That beyond blows. Airport security isn't fun when you're NOT being accused of smuggling firearms

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Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML

#20703976
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39681) - you deserved it (4362) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/03/2013 at 4:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - France (Aquitaine)

↑ BimmerDriver's comment : Isn't the feeling of knowing you have more time to sleep one of the best feelings ever though?!?

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Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

#20703677
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43279) - you deserved it (3478)

On 06/03/2013 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Poland (Kujawsko-Pomorskie)

Today, my parents blew my entire college fund in their quest to finish building their replica Hobbit house in our back yard. FML

#20703566
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51721) - you deserved it (4713)

On 06/03/2013 at 3:22pm - money - by future burger flipper (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML

#20703298
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37598) - you deserved it (4141)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:48pm - misc - by moreliketurdmart (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I started seeing a therapist for my depression. While I was looking through the magazines in the waiting room, I found an article accusing people who see therapists of being selfish with no real problems. FML

#20703027
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39138) - you deserved it (4567)

On 06/03/2013 at 7:56am - health - by Selfish Whiner (woman) - United Kingdom (North Lincolnshire)

Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid witnessing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML

#20702750
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57191) - you deserved it (4209)

On 06/03/2013 at 1:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML

#20702720
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70307) - you deserved it (2671)

On 06/03/2013 at 1:32am - misc - by Me - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was invited to a party. Since I rarely get invited to any, I was super pumped. Both my parents work late, so I texted a couple of people to see if I could catch a ride. It turned out everyone's cars were full. I ended up missing one of the only parties I've ever been invited to. FML

#20702631
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47039) - you deserved it (5944)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by my_only_friend (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

#20702628
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43500) - you deserved it (12688)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:41am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not remembering our anniversary. Our three week anniversary. FML

#20702606
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51062) - you deserved it (5749)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:31am - love - by BadBoyfriend - United States (Texas)



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