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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my 82-year-old great grandfather informed me that his "peeter" still works, and that most guys his age can't say the same. FML

#21454592
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20935) - you deserved it (1568)

On 08/11/2015 at 12:20am - intimacy - by yamaha_313 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my football practice ended early due to severe weather. Not only had I misplaced my phone earlier in the day, both my parents thought the other had picked me up. I was in the rain for an hour and a half. FML

#21454560
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21192) - you deserved it (2450)

On 08/10/2015 at 11:25pm - misc - by pi_power_15 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friends told me that I'm not invited to the next trip because I'm a party pooper for not getting drunk and staying out late during our last vacation. I guess they forgot that I spent each night taking care of their drunk asses and stayed sober to be the designated driver. FML

#21454553
79 comments

Capteen's comment : Sounds like it's time to ditch them and find more appreciative friends - or at least ones that'll take turns being designated driver

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Today, I'm lying awake at 2 in the morning listening to the police helicopter circle my house yet again. I recently moved near quiet woodland to escape the traffic noise that disturbed my sleep. Quiet woodland where apparently the local criminals play midnight hide-and-seek with the police. FML

alex_gen's comment : You should really consider moving again. It only takes a few minutes for 'criminals in the woodlands' to become 'criminals in your house'.

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Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML

#21454460
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22542) - you deserved it (1983)

On 08/10/2015 at 8:32pm - misc - by Mrs. W. (woman) - United States (Nevada)

shepardkinz's comment : Like father, like son. FYL.

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Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML

#21454360
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22080) - you deserved it (1988)

On 08/10/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was involved in a debate. Things got out of control, insults were hurled, and by the end friends were lost. The subject of the debate? Whether snot has enough calories in it to be nutritional. FML

#21454286
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19676) - you deserved it (5411)

On 08/10/2015 at 1:04pm - misc - by imma ture (man) -

Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML

#21454264
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19797) - you deserved it (8355)

On 08/10/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by monster1109 (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I got a text from the guy I've been in love with for 3 years, saying: "So um, I've been wondering. Did you used to be a man?" FML

#21454260
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23851) - you deserved it (1982)

On 08/10/2015 at 11:35am - love - by butchapparently (woman) -

Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML

#21454240
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21106) - you deserved it (1798)

On 08/10/2015 at 10:32am - misc - by lvegadelgado_6 - United States (Illinois)

Today, at my job working retail, I had just finished cleaning and straightening a whole aisle. This kid watched me do the whole thing. When I was done, he stuck his arm out, and ran it down the whole shelf, knocking everything off it. His mother just grabbed his hand and walked away. FML

#21454203
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28124) - you deserved it (1555)

On 08/10/2015 at 8:23am - work - by RetailRage (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a gig. The drummer threw his drumsticks out at the end and I managed to catch one. With my face. Not only did I get a black eye, but the person next to me snatched the drumstick from my hands. FML

#21454163
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22949) - you deserved it (1558)

On 08/10/2015 at 4:32am - misc - by mildlyconcussed - Italy (Campania)

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

#21454009
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22849) - you deserved it (2083)

On 08/09/2015 at 8:37pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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