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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to my boyfriends house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

#21428963
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24372) - you deserved it (4815)

On 06/20/2015 at 6:42am - animals - by rabbitkiller - China (Nei Mongol)

Cads1's comment : No Easter for you.

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Today, I caught my mother-in-law trying to plant a GPS tracker on my car. FML

#21428876
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26596) - you deserved it (1776)

On 06/20/2015 at 1:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

flopstar's comment : Draw the line there. She has no reason to be doing that & you need to have a sit down talk with her about your privacy.

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Today, I was walking behind my mother when she was mowing the lawn. She unknowingly mowed over a wasps' nest that was in the grass. Guess who the wasps decided to seek revenge on. FML

Today, after weeks of my crazy girlfriend avoiding me because she knew I wanted to break up with her, I had no option but to do it by text. She told all my friends, who now think I'm a coward who isn't man enough to break up in person. They didn't even ask for my side of the story. FML

#21428807
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24958) - you deserved it (4415)

On 06/19/2015 at 10:36pm - love - by Ngbaheir (man) - United Kingdom

ThatOneChick856's comment : If they aren't even willing to discuss it with you, you should just text them and say: "The reason I had to break up with her by text is because she avoided me to the point where I couldn't talk it out in person. Much like you are doing to me now." Hopefully, they'll see the irony and at least listen.

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Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

#21428778
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20331) - you deserved it (12366)

On 06/19/2015 at 9:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

#21428771
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25130) - you deserved it (8167)

On 06/19/2015 at 9:06pm - misc - by jenpearl (woman) - Australia

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

#21428714
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26688) - you deserved it (3692)

On 06/19/2015 at 6:21pm - misc - by baberuth - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, while I was in the bathroom at a restaurant, my young son decided to drink the "slushie" I had ordered. We ended up at the hospital because that slushie was actually a margarita. FML

#21428647
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24854) - you deserved it (6951)

On 06/19/2015 at 4:09pm - kids - by Kidisok - United States

Today, a cute guy asked me if I was single. When I said yes, he said "Yeah, you look like the type", and walked away. FML

#21428639
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26765) - you deserved it (2004)

On 06/19/2015 at 3:51pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

#21428622
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27171) - you deserved it (3151)

On 06/19/2015 at 3:00pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the restaurant I recently got a job at, to take the introductory three hour training course. Afterwards, I was told I wasn't hired after all. Why? The girl I was replacing suddenly decided she didn't want to move away and quit after all. FML

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

#21428553
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28550) - you deserved it (11678)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to take my daughter to the ER. Her brother had bet she couldn't go the whole day without talking. So to win the bet, she tried to super-glue her lips together so she couldn't accidentally say anything. FML



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