Today, my mom called me for dinner by saying, "We're going to eat Steph! I mean we're going to eat COMMA Steph! We're not going to eat you! Ha ha!" She thinks this joke is hilarious and has been doing it to both my dad and me every night since early June. FML
by Anonymous / 07/11/2016 at 5:02pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
jesterinperil's comment : You know, one of these days she's just going to say, "We're going to eat Steph!" You'll sigh, relieved that the pun tirade is over. But, your mother, in all her grammar wisdom, knows she didn't finish the joke. You'll walk downstairs and she's actually going to eat you. Enjoy the pun while it lasts, or it could cost you your life.
Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML
by unemployed / 07/11/2016 at 3:09pm / United States (California) / Work
FarFromHome's comment : You know you can still say no, right? Just because you're married doesn't mean you're forced to have sex every time he wants to. If you aren't feeling it say no. If you want him to put some effort in tell him so.
Today, my husband told me I couldn't go to my morning yoga class, because he needed to leave for work at 7:30 am sharp, and I wouldn't be back in time to watch our son. It's 8:05 am and he still hasn't left for work. FML
by NoTypeOfExercise / 07/11/2016 at 11:05am / United States (California) / Love
by nightjay / 07/11/2016 at 10:32am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
DarkLink9001's comment : Do your parents understand... well.. anything?
Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy and unfriended me from Facebook. FML
by Anonymous / 07/11/2016 at 3:58am / Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya) / Kids
by polemania / 07/11/2016 at 1:23am / United States / Work
by Seeyounarabish / 07/10/2016 at 11:06pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I found out my mom has been telling my entire family I need surgery on my "Labia" instead of my "Labrum". I went from needing shoulder surgery to needing vagina surgery with one group text. Thanks, mom. FML
by me / 07/10/2016 at 11:00pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health
Today, I reassured a close friend that he could tell me anything. Now all our conversations are almost exclusively about his kinks. Did you know a well-stretched human anus can hold an entire bag of jumbo marshmallows? FML
by faily_tales / 07/10/2016 at 8:37pm / United States / Intimacy
by Not his SunShine anymore / 07/10/2016 at 7:04pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Love
by abygalee / 07/10/2016 at 4:42pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous