Today, I went in the one-person bathroom at work to pee. Next thing I know, a woman forced the locked door open and walked in on me, because she didn't believe another person who said, "I think someone is in there." I'm reluctant to use that bathroom in the future. FML

by please knock / 09/13/2016 at 7:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

momogal's comment : Happened to me once. They knocked a bunch even after I said that the bathroom was occupied. The next thing I knew, a woman and her kid had forced the lock and walked in on me. Luckily, I had just pulled up my pants.

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was, "trying to change her." A week ago I asked her to stop talking to the 6 guys that have all previously asked her for nudes. FML

by eggman 583 / 09/13/2016 at 5:12pm / United States (New York) / Love

StormfrontX33's comment : You want someone that respects you and that is loyal anyway. Think of it as evolution weeding her out of your life. You can do better.

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Today, for the first time in months, a potential employer was willing to give me a job. On my way out of the interview, I tripped over and broke a 1000 dollar glass table. FML

by Nic / 09/13/2016 at 4:16pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML

by hahatofunny / 09/13/2016 at 3:54pm / United States (Florida) / Love

WCARlover's comment : Well you're going to the gym for a reason...I'm sure the bigger biceps will come with time. A better personality for her probably will never come.

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Today, following a 6-hour roundtrip after having lost both games from a baseball doubleheader, I was pleasantly surprised to see that my 4-year-old son was still up. After updating him on the day's results, he went off to bed with the words, "Good night, loser." FML

by Loser / 09/13/2016 at 8:10am / Germany (Bayern) / Kids

Today, after days of working with a client on plans for a project, I received a message half way through completion saying the deal was off because "my prices were so low it seemed like a scam". FML

by JPlays / 09/12/2016 at 11:31pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that my 12 yr old daughter had to get in the driver's seat to order from the drive-thru. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2016 at 10:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my extremely racist coworker was doing his usual thing. Since it was 9/11 he went absolutely hardcore on his "jokes" so I reported it to my supervisor. She asked what did he say specifically and I recited it to her. She decided to write me up for "making inappropriate comments at work". FML

by epicgamer / 09/12/2016 at 10:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2016 at 10:51pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to take some local college courses to improve my résumé. I got into the physics room and a large, multi-colored sign in large print stated, "NO THROWING OR STABBING." FML

by Evjoel / 09/12/2016 at 6:52am / Bermuda (Hamilton) / Work

Today, my dandruff got so bad that when I sneezed on the bus, it created a "blizzard" of dandruff, covering me, and two others in it. I'm now known as "Winter Wonderland". FML

by Walking in a Winter Wonderland / 09/12/2016 at 6:51am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I accidentally mooed during sex. FML

by harambae / 09/11/2016 at 1:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

by BadKitty / 09/11/2016 at 9:37am / Australia (Tasmania) / Animals