Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I wouldn't make my senior quote, "I love my girlfriend more than anything." FML

by larouche362 / 06/07/2016 at 11:01pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Love

singer0421's comment : Honestly, she was probably just using that as an excuse, and wanted to break up with you anyway. If it wasn't, then I'm sorry that you were with someone so self-centered. Either way, sorry your life sucks OP

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Today, I was eating breakfast when my little brother goes, "Mommy, what do you do for a living?" and my mom says "I'm a headmaster", and my dad goes, "Oh yeah she is." FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2016 at 10:09pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Dave_Davington's comment : Can you really blame him? It's not often that such a perfect opportunity comes along.

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Today, after finally applying myself and busting my butt all semester, I found out the school is accusing me of cheating because they couldn't believe I could have gotten near-perfect grades considering my grade history. If this is how society rewards academic turnarounds, why do I even bother? FML

by CantWin / 06/07/2016 at 6:38pm / United States (Utah) / Geek

MetalxSoldier's comment : Just let them know that you are just trying harder and that you worked your ass off to EARN those grades. If they don't believe you, ask them to try to prove you wrong. I'm sure that won't be a problem with your near perfect grades. Good luck op.

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Today, I looked at the revenue from my Etsy shop. After hours and hours of hard work, I was ecstatic to find that I made about $560 so far. That is, until I remembered that it all went to my mom's bank account and I paid all the fees out of my own pocket. And yes, she won't give it back. FML

by shecrieseverytimeIremindher / 06/07/2016 at 6:29pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my coworker cornered me in the office bathroom and insisted that, because she's been watching me, I use the bathroom too quickly and must not be washing my hands, and that I have to wash them from now on. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2016 at 3:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, for the first day in our bakery, our intern brought croissants and rolls from our biggest competitor. FML

by croissant / 08/23/2015 at 11:42pm / France

Today, a violent attack of diarrhea send me running to the bathroom moments after I put my dinner in the oven. I made it out just in time to enjoy a lovely bowl of coal. FML

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

by PerfectBoyfriend / 06/07/2016 at 12:38pm / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Intimacy

Today, I loaded up a cart at work with all the things that take me the longest to stock, figuring I'd just get it over with. My manager decided to use that cart to time me and measure my efficiency. FML

by UnboundA / 06/07/2016 at 12:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my boyfriend has always been a huge fan of war video games. After training for weeks, I challenged him at Battlefield 4. He lost. I lost him. FML

by monjii / 12/11/2013 at 7:22pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

by thedancingtit / 06/07/2016 at 1:11am / United States (Alaska) / Kids

Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML

by ginya / 06/06/2016 at 9:58pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I’m on vacation in Ecuador in a small youth hostel. My Skype interview for a prestigious marketing Masters would have been perfect if a hippie hadn’t come near me to play the ukulele while smoking a joint. FML

by jevoulaisfaireserieux / 05/26/2014 at 9:21pm / Republic of Ecuador (Manabi)