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Today, a guy tried to pick me up with the line, "You're ugly. Just kidding. You're my date." FML

andyeatsworld's comment : Then say "your dick is small, jk it's big, no it's tiny".

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Today, I got more pleasure from itching the bed bug bites from sleeping over at my boyfriend's house than I got from actually sleeping with him. FML

#21255435
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35075) - you deserved it (4752)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:38pm - love - by Itchy Missy (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Kalipczo's comment : erm, if hes actually got bed bugs, you should really have him take care of that...unless you want to bring them home with you :S jussayin. they're tough little bastards.

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Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41561) - you deserved it (11623)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

xSLEEPYxHEADx's comment : If her parents don't approve of that store, why were they in it?

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Today, I received a package in the mail. It was a workout and weight-loss plan that I ordered last week. I finished an entire pizza and pint of ice-cream as I read the guidelines. FML

Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML

Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

#21255144
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35792) - you deserved it (6759)

On 09/09/2014 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML

Today, I invited my deadbeat dad over for dinner, hoping we could resolve our issues and build a proper relationship. Just minutes after he arrived, I caught him stealing money from my purse. He actually said I owe him for raising me. He ditched my mom and me when I was 5. FML

#21255044
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43241) - you deserved it (3384)

On 09/09/2014 at 12:47pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I chatted to a nice guy and gave him my number. I told him I was going to sleep because I had a headache, and then put my phone on silent. He rang multiple times, and when I obviously didn't pick up, he sent several texts insulting me and calling me gutless for not responding. FML

#21255032
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34282) - you deserved it (3306)

On 09/09/2014 at 12:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

#21255023
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31891) - you deserved it (2612)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:53am - health - by nomfuck - United States (Ohio)

Today, my horrible boss sent me a Facebook friend request for the fifth time, in her attempt to not only bother me at work, but also through social media. FML

#21254692
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32526) - you deserved it (2867)

On 09/08/2014 at 9:26pm - work - by notyourfriend (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

#21254463
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38837) - you deserved it (3375)

On 09/08/2014 at 1:56pm - health - by jkim - United States (California)

Today, I was told by my teacher that she had 'given up' teaching me because someone had told her I have a mental illness, and that I don't understand what she says. FML

#21254331
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37732) - you deserved it (3323)

On 09/08/2014 at 6:55am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)



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