Today, I understand the finer points of the government in Star Wars better than I understand the U.S. government. FML

by nerd / 11/19/2016 at 2:52pm / Geek

Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML

by emeraldarcher74 / 11/19/2016 at 1:34pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML

by NotTHATbad / 11/19/2016 at 12:26pm / Intimacy

InfiniteSunshine's comment : I actually think she lost both here. What she did is awful and shows she's just vindictive and petty. She resorts to revenge tactics, instead of expressing her feelings and talking about them like an adult, that's incredibly unhealthy. I've met children more mature than that. This is just so gross, I'd get new pillows.

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Today, I found out that the insurance that my husband signed us up with for next year doesn't cover any of our doctors. Now we need to find 4 different doctors who take our insurance. FML

by emisara93 / 11/14/2016 at 7:38pm / United States / Health

Today, a guy I've been seeing called me really drunk again to talk about his and his cat's angst. He put me on speaker so I could have a meowing-conversation with his cat to soothe her. FML

by catastrophy / 11/19/2016 at 4:20am / Love

Today, I got rear-ended trying to move off the road because I heard a police siren. It was the radio. FML

by LifeLikeLemons / 11/14/2016 at 6:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, for the 16th day in a row, my husband slept in the guest room because he doesn't want to disturb the dogs once they've fallen asleep on our bed, so they don't hate him. FML

by Alittlebitiffy / 11/14/2016 at 7:42am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I was cleaning off my couch so my nephew could crash here for a few nights. It's been so long since we've sat on it that it is now inhabited by rats we didn't know were in the house, including newly born ones. FML

by inthesticks / 11/19/2016 at 1:21am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, and like every year, my godmother sent me a card asking me why I never call her, and why we don't go out on my birthday. Six years ago, she told me on my birthday I was going to hell for moving with my boyfriend and then sprayed me with perfume. He is now my husband, and she claims she forgot. FML

by Kml / 11/14/2016 at 7:31am / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML

by Rain / 11/14/2016 at 6:43am / Money

Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML

by avocadotoe / 11/14/2016 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Intimacy

almost_there44's comment : I hope this is not the case and hopefully I'm wrong. But, were you and your partner house sitting and about to have sex? That's just nasty and disrespectful to the people's house y'all were watching.

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Today, my daughter, whom I consigned a credit card for, told me she was in a bit of financial trouble. It turns out that she was trying to pay off her credit card with the same credit card her bill was for, and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. FML

by Oy Vay / 11/14/2016 at 1:09am / United States (New York) / Money

Dat_Class_Tho's comment : I want to vote FYL because that's a pretty big facepalm moment. But I also want to vote YDI because you helped her get a credit card without bothering to teach her how they work.

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Today, I flew 1800 km with my two small children to a remote northern village for work. Our bags were lost, leaving us without winter gear and only one change of clothes. Just to make things extra fun, we now all have uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2016 at 10:35pm / Transportation