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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got a yeast infection, caused by the antibiotics for my UTI. I got the UTI after having sex for the first time in a year. A couple of minutes of sex have ruined my health. FML

#21334755
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26483) - you deserved it (3836)

On 01/10/2015 at 10:21pm - health - by so much for romance - United States (New York)

itsnicole96's comment : "Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die."- Coach Carr

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Today, I was fired for "blatant, inexcusable racism". My boss had asked me which website background I preferred for our company, and I said that white backgrounds are usually best. He thinks that I believe in white supremacy, and that's bad for the company's image. FML

#21334747
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31661) - you deserved it (2191)

On 01/10/2015 at 10:02pm - work - by Jem (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

AnnaDeWitt's comment : Does your boss think "a stab in the dark" is insulting gay people as well?

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Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

#21334677
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28741) - you deserved it (2435)

On 01/10/2015 at 7:15pm - kids - by SadSister:( - United States

feven's comment : It's scary how she already knows what will hurt you.

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Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML

#21334630
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28383) - you deserved it (2074)

On 01/10/2015 at 5:46pm - work - by sadlrana121 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

#21334608
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34512) - you deserved it (2349)

On 01/10/2015 at 5:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind: "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

#21334531
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24088) - you deserved it (4258)

On 01/10/2015 at 3:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML

#21334513
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28659) - you deserved it (2874)

On 01/10/2015 at 2:22pm - misc - by gotta_respond (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found three of my sister's dildos as I helped her unpack boxes for her new house. Jokingly, I said, "Why would you even need three?!" She actually explained. FML

#21334501
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30109) - you deserved it (9969)

On 01/10/2015 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by sisterlylove - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to go back to the restaurant I had just eaten at and beg for my tip back so I could afford my bus home. FML

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

#21334385
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24621) - you deserved it (18740)

On 01/10/2015 at 9:35am - misc - by kb (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

#21334376
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42546) - you deserved it (2731)

On 01/10/2015 at 8:45am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, three weeks after my sister took in a wounded porcupine from our backyard and let it roam about the house, I learned that it sheds quills from time to time. How did I learn this? By stepping on three of said quills hidden in the carpet. I still have only managed to pull one out. FML

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

#21334215
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26089) - you deserved it (1907)

On 01/09/2015 at 10:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

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