Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

#3390593
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42944) - you deserved it (5647)

On 07/01/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by Jake (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I wrote a long wall post on my teachers wall on facebook including how much of a douche I thought she was, I wasn't planning on posting it but did on accident, so I quickly deleted it. I felt pretty clever. Did you know facebook sends you emails including what was written on the post? FML

#3389905
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6209) - you deserved it (64035)

On 07/01/2009 at 6:43am - misc - by Sallyfromtheseashore (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got an email from a guy to whom I sold my old phone to over eBay. Turns out I forgot to delete the nude photos of myself and my boyfriend that I had stored up. His email asked me for "any PIN numbers needed to use the phone, and oh by the way, nice tits." FML

#3389802
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8409) - you deserved it (67389)

On 07/01/2009 at 6:31am - intimacy - by paprikarulz (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got two viruses on my laptop. One was a fake anti-spyware program that cluttered the screen with pop-ups. The other opened windows explorer repeatedly, each time to a generic porn site. This all conveniently happened at work, on a projector and during a meeting. FML

#3389497
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44535) - you deserved it (6153)

On 07/01/2009 at 5:37am - work - by Robert (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

#3386965
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5543) - you deserved it (39236)

On 07/01/2009 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

#3386815
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93882) - you deserved it (5210)

On 07/01/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by kewlio45 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out, and about to have sex, when she asked me to "do that thing we did yesterday". We haven't had sex in 6 days. FML

#3384760
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42808) - you deserved it (3053)

On 07/01/2009 at 1:18am - intimacy - by conductingfromthegrave (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on aim, I noticed one of his friends away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said "I can't believe what I stick my d... In sometimes." FML

#3383577
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40058) - you deserved it (10885)

On 07/01/2009 at 12:41am - love - by Bulldogs09 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

#3383261
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41770) - you deserved it (6606)

On 07/01/2009 at 12:31am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad was having an affair on my mom with. FML

#3382382
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54911) - you deserved it (1991)

On 07/01/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by lawoman27 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was supposed to work with this girl I really like but I had the flu really bad. I really really wanted to see her so I forced myself out of bed and went to work feeling terrible but determined to see her face. When I got to work I asked where she was. She had called in sick with the flu. FML

#3380750
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33219) - you deserved it (15393)

On 06/30/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

#3380486
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44202) - you deserved it (17321)

On 06/30/2009 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

#3376550
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36646) - you deserved it (16182)

On 06/30/2009 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by SimpleSimon (man) - United Kingdom (Herefordshire)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: