All the FMLs

By da man - 11/02/2009 11:38 - Canada

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friend's stomach. It was my Principal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 553

You deserved it 17 417

By J - 11/02/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, at lunch I ordered a Coke. The waiter replied, "Diet Coke?" and I corrected him saying, "No, regular Coke." He shook his head and said again, "Diet Coke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 211

You deserved it 8 861

By tylerlove361 - 11/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 087

You deserved it 34 048

By C. Kronick - 11/02/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 941

You deserved it 5 465

By thunder thighs - 11/02/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was tapping on my thigh to the beat of the music when we were driving to dinner. When I asked him what he was doing he replied, "Just watching the ripples." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 517

You deserved it 6 300

By Noname - 11/02/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 364

You deserved it 5 505

By herpderp - 11/02/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 418

You deserved it 3 628

By melissa - 10/02/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my sister teased me about being a mistake baby. When I told my mom what my sister said, her response was "I still love you anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 517

You deserved it 3 801

By NoWedding - 10/02/2009 22:30 - United States

Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 909

You deserved it 3 553

By greattt - 10/02/2009 21:15 - United States

Today, I went to get my school picture taken, when the photographer looked at me, saying, "You look like you need a mirror." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 199

You deserved it 3 864

By Flavorite - 10/02/2009 19:35 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 597

You deserved it 2 853

By nj - 10/02/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, in basketball practice my coach was putting is in teams to run drills. He points to me and says, "You, go babysit my son by the stage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 176

You deserved it 3 040

By EOJ - 10/02/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 931

You deserved it 55 315

By imalilangel05 - 10/02/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 221

You deserved it 5 794

By imwrong - 10/02/2009 11:59 - Philippines

Today, I met a guy who said he thinks he's in love with my sister. As a joke, I told him that my sister cheats on everyone. I get home to find my sister crying, because some 'person' told her boyfriend that she's cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 266

You deserved it 66 681

By touched - 10/02/2009 11:30 - Philippines

Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 416

You deserved it 5 715

By Tennisplayer - 10/02/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 198

You deserved it 44 219

By maxthndr - 10/02/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324 814

You deserved it 38 990

By prettyinpurple - 10/02/2009 04:54 - United States

Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear-ending the person in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 952

You deserved it 56 365

By annoyed - 10/02/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, I got a ticket. From my dad the cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 723

You deserved it 18 388

By p00p_m0nsta - 10/02/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I finally reunited with a lot of old friends from school. It was great to see everyone grown up and hear the stories. At the end we decided to have a group photo for old times sake. They asked me to take the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 888

You deserved it 2 693

By Dulieu - 10/02/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn't pick up hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 238

You deserved it 168 468

By TGIkaty - 10/02/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 714

You deserved it 3 487

By a manly woman? - 09/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 157

You deserved it 4 981

We just don't see you in that way

By Noname - 09/02/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I was talking with some of my friends who are girls. They were all complaining about how there was no good boys left to ask to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Hoping for an invite I mentioned I was still available. They just laughed at me and invited me to come dress shopping with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 723

You deserved it 4 842

By feenix89 - 09/02/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and said I was not 'Christian enough' for her. Later I found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 634

You deserved it 2 546

feenix89 tells us more.

feenix89 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 6:03

yeah, she goes through phases where she says she's Christian. We dated for about a year, we started dating and she sat me down to ask if I was a Christian too. We had sex 3 weeks into our relationship, and then for another 9 months, and we stopped to 'get closer to God' And I also think it was around that time she started nailing my friend. And she still has yet to understand why I don't want to talk to her

By BearMan - 09/02/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I decided to come out to a co-worker. She looked at me, then laughed, and said, "You can't be gay, you're fat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 101

You deserved it 4 888