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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML

#12343499
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43547) - you deserved it (5635)

On 08/06/2010 at 12:40am - love - by rugs - United States (Iowa)

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

#12337328
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25748) - you deserved it (40723)

On 08/05/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by JDLAX1924 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML

#12334869
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32688) - you deserved it (4357)

On 08/05/2010 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got home from work to find the door locked and dead bolted, so I used my cell to call the home phone while banging on the door. My stepmom came out of her room, looked right at me, laughed, and went back to bed. This is the fifth time she's done this. FML

#12332951
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39632) - you deserved it (3582)

On 08/05/2010 at 2:38pm - misc - by Tired (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

#12332692
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44390) - you deserved it (3737)

On 08/05/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by kiki - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I discovered how my ex-girlfriend exacted her revenge. Every item of clothing I own now has sequins. FML

#12331416
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26019) - you deserved it (11435)

On 08/05/2010 at 1:00pm - love - by Luke - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)

Today, I received a new debit card, so I cut the old one into pieces. I then picked up my remaining card, and realized I'd cut up the wrong one. FML

#12327925
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11190) - you deserved it (52918)

On 08/05/2010 at 7:14am - money - by 8to10days (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

#12326152
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9521) - you deserved it (45120)

On 08/05/2010 at 4:17am - health - by Somethingswrongwiththispic (woman) - United States

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair... with her cousin. FML

#12322753
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58472) - you deserved it (4209)

On 08/05/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Drew - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML

#12321960
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25127) - you deserved it (9345)

On 08/05/2010 at 12:38am - misc - by AmNot (woman) - United States

Today, some jerk super glued leaves and a note onto my car's front windshield. Not only is it directly in front of the driver's seat and makes it nearly impossible to drive, but it won't come off. What makes it worse? I was spending the night at a friend's house and the note was meant for her. FML

#12317472
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30331) - you deserved it (2475)

On 08/04/2010 at 9:13pm - misc - by Mustang (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

#12316575
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32338) - you deserved it (36623)

On 08/04/2010 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by kinky - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home from work to find the lock to my bike busted and my bike stolen. The worst part was a nicer bike was sitting right next to it without a lock. FML

#12316172
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29074) - you deserved it (2474)

On 08/04/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by Amandajean32 - United States



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