Today, my parents found several drawings of a dinosaur girl in various bondage equipment posing seductively in my purse. The drawings weren't mine, nor do I have any idea where they came from, but my parents now think I'm a freak. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2010 at 9:03am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I had to make up a boyfriend to stop my lesbian roommate coming onto me. FML

by katelouise2102 / 11/29/2010 at 7:39am / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Intimacy

Today, I was lying in bed listening to my neighbors have loud, and what sounded like, enjoyable sex. My boyfriend rolled over and said, "she sounds like fun" before rolling back over and going to sleep. It's been four months. FML

by unsatisfied / 11/29/2010 at 7:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I was working in a deli when I cut more meat than I intended; I basically removed my fingerprint via the deli slicer. FML

by figgy / 11/29/2010 at 5:46am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

by unknown951 / 11/29/2010 at 2:11am / Health

Today, there are rumors flying around my office that I hooked up with the guy who picks his nose and leaves boogers under tables. I didn't. Last night I took a shower at my boyfriend's place, who happens to use the exact same body wash and shampoo as the office outcast. FML

by AntiAxe / 11/29/2010 at 1:23am / Intimacy

Today, I told my mom that I wanted professional head-shots done for Christmas. When asked why, I said "I want to submit them to a modeling agency." My mom exchanged looks with my sister before laughing so hard that she wet herself. FML

by brandiboobarry / 11/29/2010 at 1:01am / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

by caliibbyy / 11/29/2010 at 12:03am / Health

Today, I realized I've been driving for almost two years and still get excited when I park between the lines on my first try. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 11:05pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, we were practicing figure drawing in art class. Our regular model didn't show up, so our teacher pulled someone out of study hall. And who did she pick? My ex-boyfriend, who stalked me after our breakup, which resulted in a nervous breakdown that put me in therapy. It was a long class. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 10:16pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I went in to work to check my new schedule for the week. I searched up and down and didn't see my name listed. After talking to my manager, he decided it would be easier to "release" me than remake a new schedule. FML

by moshgra / 11/28/2010 at 7:41pm / Work

Today, I discovered my boyfriend prays before and after sex, because he thinks he'll keep his abstinence by doing so. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 6:49pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 6:08pm / United States (California) / Kids