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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up at a strangers house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

#7036487
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5732) - you deserved it (41654)

On 12/30/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by jagerbombs (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML

#7036461
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39130) - you deserved it (4436)

On 12/30/2009 at 2:07pm - love - by hatelife (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to guys hitting on me are the ones who ask to be my friend on Call of Duty because I have the word "girl" in my name. FML

#7035210
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27058) - you deserved it (6497)

On 12/30/2009 at 12:47pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I realized that the cute freckle I noticed a few weeks ago is actually a giant blackhead. FML

#7034832
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11097) - you deserved it (23865)

On 12/30/2009 at 12:26pm - health - by baybuh (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting ready to go out when I noticed that after several months of annoyance, the faucet stopped dripping. I started to dance around my bathroom when all of a sudden I slipped and hit my head on the sink. The faucet is dripping again. FML

#7034153
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20478) - you deserved it (12608)

On 12/30/2009 at 11:34am - misc - by dripping sink - United States

Today, my cat was yowling and meowing pathetically outside my door, I checked she had food, water, and she followed me back up to my room. She nestled down on the radiator behind my desk, then threw up all over it. The cat sick is stuck inside the radiator, and it smells just lovely. FML

Today, I decided to have a midnight snack. I figured I knew my own house well enough to leave the lights off so my mom wouldn't wake up. Chuckling at the brilliance of my plan, I walked straight into a doorframe and bust up my nose. FML

#7031630
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7746) - you deserved it (27373)

On 12/30/2009 at 6:30am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

#7031264
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19857) - you deserved it (2143)

On 12/30/2009 at 5:36am - intimacy - by kte (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received a $105 parking ticket for being in a handicapped space. The lines were covered by snow, and the sign was on the building twenty feet away. FML

#7029804
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29788) - you deserved it (4947)

On 12/30/2009 at 3:23am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while taking a shower, I noticed that I had forgotten to shave my pits. I went to a party last night, and there are now several Facebook pictures of me dancing, with my arms up and my hairy pits showing for the world to see. FML

#7029782
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11986) - you deserved it (34620)

On 12/30/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my husband left me for one of the college students I was tutoring in Spanish. We have two kids and are expecting a third. He left a note that said he would "stay in touch." FML

#7028465
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40926) - you deserved it (2379)

On 12/30/2009 at 2:03am - love - by Leslie (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML

#7027797
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31420) - you deserved it (2184)

On 12/30/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by planes - United States (Oregon)

Today, at the office, after a heavy night of drinking, I had to hear my boss walk around with bells attached to her shoes. She circled the office a total of 34 times today. FML

#7027247
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10204) - you deserved it (24338)

On 12/30/2009 at 1:08am - work - by bells - United States (Oregon)



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