Today, some of my classmates brought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. I took the leftovers with me after class, and when my mom picked me up from school, she asked, "What are the cupcakes for?" FML

by bdayboy / 01/11/2011 at 4:17am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 2:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I discovered that just because I got my braces removed does not mean my painful mouth ulcers will stop. I now have them under my tongue. I can't even lick my lips. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 1:38am / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I went to the bathroom and my pee split into 4 different streams, none of which actually hit the toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 12:32am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my coworker thought it would be funny to throw my keys up onto the top shelf in storage. I'm 4'10. FML

by frmitalywithlove / 01/10/2011 at 11:11pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I sent a friend request on facebook to the only person I became friends with this semester at college. He denied me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 10:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, was the first day of potty training for my toddler. While watching a "How to Potty Train" video, I noticed my toddler was making a weird face on the side of the couch. I walked over to her, picked her up and a big pile of poop dropped. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I got snowed in. At work. FML

by snowbunny / 01/10/2011 at 9:03pm / United States / Work

Today, I tried to email my Dad a picture of someone we knew that I'd found on the Internet. He called me later to inform me that I had actually sent him a picture of myself in a naughty school girl outfit that I'd taken for my husband. My mom was laughing her ass off. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 3:55pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was lying on the sofa when the phone rang. I jumped up to answer in time. I knocked over my laptop, and kicked my guitar into a glass causing it to smash. It was a wrong number. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 3:43pm / Isle of Man / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized the birthmark I have on my chest isn't a birthmark at all; it's a third nipple. FML

by triplenipple / 01/10/2011 at 3:35pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Health

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 2:14pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 2:06pm / Denmark (Midtjyllen) / Health