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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML

#12800426
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36665) - you deserved it (15000)

On 08/29/2010 at 3:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I learned to never shave your downstairs when you have the hiccups. FML

#12797931
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19984) - you deserved it (30666)

On 08/29/2010 at 1:02am - health - by yggiz (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad walked in on me singing "Bohemian Rhapsody", while spinning in circles with the cat in my arms. I thought I was home alone. FML

#12797830
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14442) - you deserved it (28655)

On 08/29/2010 at 12:54am - animals - by Hobbsie - Canada (Ontario)

nebula748's comment : The cat was thinking "MAMA MIA MAMA MIA LET ME GO!"

See all the comments →

Today, I took my date out for dinner to a seafood restaurant and she ordered expensive prawns. Later, when we had sex, she started to complain about her stomach hurting and then had diarrhea for hours. Great job prawns. FML

#12797792
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30981) - you deserved it (4845)

On 08/29/2010 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Matt - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I wanted to go clubbing with my friends. I started drinking at home to save on the price of drinks, instead I fell asleep on my couch. FML

#12797652
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7891) - you deserved it (34562)

On 08/29/2010 at 12:47am - misc - by constantine - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because of 'creative differences', as she put it. The real reason is that we couldn't decide which cupboard the plates should have gone in. FML

#12797067
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25401) - you deserved it (4230)

On 08/29/2010 at 12:21am - love - by nottelling7012 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the girl I like sent me a Facebook message telling me how the message I left on her phone was one of the funniest drunk dials she's ever gotten. I'm debating whether or not I should tell her that I don't drink. FML

#12793954
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30694) - you deserved it (3980)

On 08/28/2010 at 9:36pm - love - by 713 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at work, I was reprimanded for not engaging with customers enough. In an effort to be more friendly, I complimented the next customer on her interesting accent. Turns out it was from a stroke she had last year. FML

#12792587
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28452) - you deserved it (5965)

On 08/28/2010 at 8:05pm - work - by Flippy - United States (Washington)

Today, it was really hot in my house so I pulled my shorts down so I was just in my boxers. My family and I were watching tv and I got a spontaneous erection. When I discreetly tried to pull my shorts back up, my penis flipped out of my boxers. FML

#12792346
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38202) - you deserved it (24899)

On 08/28/2010 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Sicko - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that my entire school differentiates me from another girl in my grade with the same name by saying "No, she's the lesbian one." I'm straight. FML

#12792184
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28850) - you deserved it (2946)

On 08/28/2010 at 7:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

#12786707
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33640) - you deserved it (5895)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:19pm - love - by doesntkissalot - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML

#12786559
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27839) - you deserved it (3913)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:04pm - health - by Firepants (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. After I left his house, I realized that my cell phone had fallen out of my pocket and onto his couch, where I had forgotten it. FML



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