Today, my mom and I had an argument about my laziness. We did this as I was eating uncooked rice because I didn't want to have to walk to the kitchen and put it into the microwave. FML

by wtfseriously / 05/09/2011 at 1:22pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

GrooveSponge's comment : I'm assuming you didn't win the argument.

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Today, I dropped my hair straightener. The good news is I caught it. The bad news is I caught it by the iron itself. FML

by moron / 05/09/2011 at 1:15pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I was sitting on my balcony reading a book. My upstairs neighbors thought that would be a good time to water their flowers. I'm now drenched in water, as is my book. FML

by Nelson / 05/09/2011 at 11:05am / Sweden / Miscellaneous

Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML

by scarlet / 05/09/2011 at 11:02am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I learned that chivalry truly is dead when a seemingly fit man pushed me into a door to get a seat on the train before me. My leg is in a cast. FML

by Username / 05/09/2011 at 3:38am / Transportation

Today, I found out that my classmates affectionately refer to me as "the kid whose eyes are really far apart." FML

by theyarefarapart / 05/09/2011 at 3:05am / Miscellaneous

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

by coldwetnose / 05/09/2011 at 2:08am / United States / Intimacy

Fish_999's comment : haha u enjoyed it really!

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Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2011 at 12:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

starwind3438's comment : Wow, what an ungrateful bitch.

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Today, after being out of the closet for over three years, I learned that some of my friends still don't believe me that I am really a lesbian. They still think I made the whole thing up because I can't get a man. FML

by Just_do_it_17 / 05/09/2011 at 12:03am / United States / Love

Today, after I moved into my college dorm three days ago, my roommate is still convinced that she is a cat. FML

by SMCHR / 05/08/2011 at 11:22pm / Ireland / Animals

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

by jackpot / 05/08/2011 at 9:53pm / Venezuela / Miscellaneous

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I realised just how grossly out of shape I am, when I started violently sweating, felt light-headed, and almost blacked out. All this from helping my sister shift a sofa from the move-in truck to her living room. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2011 at 3:08pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Health