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Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

#5248876
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23856) - you deserved it (4577)

On 09/14/2009 at 8:58am - intimacy - by Humiliated (woman) - United States

Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML

#5247865
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37402) - you deserved it (8608)

On 09/14/2009 at 6:05am - money - by JhKhS (man) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML

#5247807
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39783) - you deserved it (5958)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:56am - misc - by alphabetman (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML

#5247721
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45860) - you deserved it (3875)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with a cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML

#5247555
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12675) - you deserved it (30807)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by nickname (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I was taking my morning pills. There had been a lot of fruit flies in my house lately. I grabbed a cup of water beside to sink to wash the pills down. As soon as I tasted the drink, I realized it was vinegar and dish soap used to trap the flies. I washed my pills down with dead flies. FML

#5244786
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28223) - you deserved it (24558)

On 09/14/2009 at 1:07am - animals - by Maggie123 (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was prioritizing my extreme amount of homework. I read over the front page of my psychology paper seeing that it was pretty easy questions, I decided to do it last. Little did I know there was a 8 page essay on the back of the page. It's 12:19 am. FML

#5243729
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31113) - you deserved it (18870)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:20am - work - by _philliesfan (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

#5243722
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30942) - you deserved it (4676)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:20am - animals - by catpeecathy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had dinner with my family at a fancy restaurant. They kept commenting about how cold it was and asked the waitress to turn off the air conditioning. When I got home, I realized the embroidered daisies on my undershirt made it look like I have giant protruding nipples. FML

#5243719
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19632) - you deserved it (5101)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after finishing a three-page essay for my spanish class, I went to rip up my brainstorming paper in an act of triumph. After I finished ripping it up, I looked on my desk to see my brainstorming paper fully intact, and my essay torn into bits. FML

#5238031
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9930) - you deserved it (60751)

On 09/13/2009 at 9:00pm - work - by thissucks (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my friend and I were at the mall and saw a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" toy. I remarked that I already had one of those, and she freaked out, very loudly and openly, about me "finally having a boyfriend". I had to embarrassingly explain I meant I had the toy... not an actual boyfriend. FML

#5235407
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31175) - you deserved it (5629)

On 09/13/2009 at 7:10pm - love - by CaeliLady (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found some charges on my credit card for two round trip tickets to Las Vegas. Turns out my daughter and her stoner, unemployed boyfriend stole my credit card and flew to Vegas over the weekend to get married. I paid for my daughter's elopement. FML

#5235406
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38655) - you deserved it (3710)

On 09/13/2009 at 7:10pm - kids - by Broeman (man) - United States (New York)



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