Today, my apartment got robbed. My 'book-in-progress' should keep them company. FML

by brokenhome / 01/24/2011 at 10:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at the urinal doing my business, my trousers fell all the way to the ground. As I bent down to pull them back up, my boss walked in the bathroom and thought I was mooning him. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML

by Fucked / 01/24/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML

by Limalia / 01/24/2011 at 4:00pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Intimacy

Today, while at school, I slipped on a wet patch in the hall and fell over, smacking my head against the floor. I laid there for a good five minutes in agonizing pain while people literally walked over me. Not a single person bothered to help me up or ask if I was okay. FML

by damnbananas / 01/24/2011 at 3:38pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 2:43pm / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, was my first day at a new job. I was really pleased with how much positive attention I was getting in a mainly male office. Guess whose shirt was see-through. FML

by oooops / 01/24/2011 at 2:18pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I was backing out of my snowy drive way on my way to work. I thought I hit a lump of snow. I'd run over my white cat. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, I realised that my husband's vows were actually the love speech from 'When Harry Met Sally'. This was made even more humiliating when I discovered that he hadn't even come up with the idea himself, he had seen it in an episode of Scrubs. FML

by tina247 / 01/24/2011 at 10:50am / Love

Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a floating spec of dust and was pretending I was in space. FML

by moxy / 01/24/2011 at 10:00am / Transportation

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

by Llaurin / 01/24/2011 at 9:43am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Transportation

Today, I was driving to a blind date my friend set me up on. Feeling pretty excited, I started singing to Katy Perry. I look over to see a man laughing at me, I flipped him the bird and drove off. Little did I know, he was my date. FML

by unknown / 01/24/2011 at 3:08am / United States (California) / Love