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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML

#8142277
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8385) - you deserved it (15348)

On 02/11/2010 at 8:25pm - health - by unknown002 (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML

#8140774
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6459) - you deserved it (29699)

On 02/11/2010 at 7:47pm - misc - by SummersEve (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went in to a job interview with 6 other girls my age. I tried to sit down on a chair exactly like the ones every other girl was sitting on. Then, one of the interviewers offered to get me a more "sturdy" chair. For the entire interview, I got to sit in the "fat girl chair". FML

#8132975
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24952) - you deserved it (8262)

On 02/11/2010 at 3:15pm - misc - by HellaBomber91 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I found out my broker invested my $6000 in the wrong stock. How did I find out? He called me to let me know the stock crashed. FML

#8132919
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25072) - you deserved it (3153)

On 02/11/2010 at 3:13pm - money - by extants - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was looking through my computer's history to find a website I had visited. I found an online forum where my son was discussing how to inject Oxycontin. FML

#8132477
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28787) - you deserved it (3414)

On 02/11/2010 at 2:58pm - kids - by Rehab (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

#8131977
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22157) - you deserved it (2036)

On 02/11/2010 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by yourstruly - United States (Georgia)

Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML

#8130787
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24092) - you deserved it (5820)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:42pm - misc - by tammyg - United States

Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML

#8130658
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23410) - you deserved it (4898)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:35pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I read my mom's Facebook status. It said, "So sick of kids, can't wait for Vegas this week!" My dad, along with 12 others, liked it. I didn't even know she was going to Vegas. FML

#8129133
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25847) - you deserved it (4335)

On 02/11/2010 at 12:09pm - kids - by kbeavv - United States (Maryland)

Today, I ran into a former college classmate at Subway. He gushed on and on about how I was the only one in our class with true potential. Then I asked him what kind of sandwich he wanted, because 3 years out of college, Subway is still the only place that will hire a music major. FML

#8125796
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27480) - you deserved it (7045)

On 02/11/2010 at 9:07am - work - by Prodigy (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was babysitting. The kid said he had to use the bathroom. When I told him to go ahead, he said he just did. He was on my lap. He wasn't wearing pants. FML

#8125309
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23327) - you deserved it (7258)

On 02/11/2010 at 8:33am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML

#8124338
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45724) - you deserved it (3167)

On 02/11/2010 at 7:22am - misc - by Biological (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating in the food court at the mall by myself but then a cute guy from my school offers to sit by me, I say yes of course, he then asks me for a french fry. Later on I realize he has eaten half my meal. He only wanted to sit by me for my food. FML

#8122444
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24821) - you deserved it (6198)

On 02/11/2010 at 4:12am - love - by purpledp12 - United States



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