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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while working the cash register at my job, a little kid was running around with products while his mom was checking out. She told him she was going to give me his PSP if he didn't stop. He responded by throwing a bag of coffee beans at my face. I didn't even get to keep his PSP. FML

#13347486
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30320) - you deserved it (4069)

On 10/06/2010 at 9:15pm - kids - by BagelShmear - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents gave me my birthday present. Two weeks ago, I ordered an xbox online. Three days ago, it came to my house, and my parents thought they could save money by putting wrapping paper on it, and giving it to me for my birthday. That's all they got me. FML

#13347078
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34158) - you deserved it (3333)

On 10/06/2010 at 8:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

#13346165
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9484) - you deserved it (35335)

On 10/06/2010 at 7:41pm - intimacy - by Remember the parking brake - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was home alone and it started to rain. It hadn't rained in days so I went out on my balcony and ran around. I felt great until I realized that my door had been swung shut because of the wind, and it had no handle. I had to wait outside in the rain for two hours. FML

#13345862
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11071) - you deserved it (26652)

On 10/06/2010 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Brazil (Distrito Federal)

Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML

#13345855
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9833) - you deserved it (36767)

On 10/06/2010 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother asked my live-in girlfriend if she's had any problems with me peeing the bed. I haven't wet the bed since I was seven and I'd hoped to take that secret to my grave. FML

#13345478
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28614) - you deserved it (2854)

On 10/06/2010 at 6:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about how self conscious I am and how I obsess about my weight. He said, "Don't be ridiculous, you don't need to lose that much weight." FML

#13344865
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17867) - you deserved it (27423)

On 10/06/2010 at 5:59pm - love - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, after bringing my dog back inside, he started whining. I thought it was because he wanted his toys, but he was really trying to say, "Help me," as a torpedo of diarrhea exploded out of him, leaving a trail down the hallway. FML

#13342166
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29688) - you deserved it (4880)

On 10/06/2010 at 12:01pm - animals - by ukfan - United States

Today, I was getting ready to load my groceries in my car when my remote wouldn't work and neither would my key to unlock it. A cute young guy came over, not to help but to ask me what the hell I was doing to his car. My car, that looked exactly like his, was on the other side of the lot. FML

#13341534
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21286) - you deserved it (13008)

On 10/06/2010 at 10:29am - misc - by ctschantz - Sent from mobile version

Today, I quit my job as a barista for one of our competitors with a couple of bucks more an hour. Two hours after I'd handed in my resignation, my boss approached me just to let me know that if I hadn't resigned, I would've been offered my own café. FML

#13341352
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17616) - you deserved it (32112)

On 10/06/2010 at 9:58am - misc - by thecasbah - Norway (Oslo)

inglouriousbitch's comment : He was probably lying about the cafe just because you quit you know...

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Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML

#13340119
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24387) - you deserved it (8044)

On 10/06/2010 at 5:31am - love - by fireman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I'm on holiday in Vietnam, and was wearing a new shirt. In a restaurant, the waitress pointed at my shirt and said something I couldn't understand, so I just smiled and nodded my head. She then gave me a weird look and walked away. Turns out there was a huge spider on it. FML

#13339977
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26538) - you deserved it (4647)

On 10/06/2010 at 4:40am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Vietnam

Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML

#13339943
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36908) - you deserved it (3520)

On 10/06/2010 at 4:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)



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