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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I cut myself deeply with an expensive razor that advertised it's impossible to cut yourself with. Twice. Guess I always was an overachiever. FML

#7571238
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26021) - you deserved it (6064)

On 01/25/2010 at 4:46pm - health - by Thorin (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I got a call from my younger brother's school to pick him up immediately. He had a test today and had the brilliant idea that by telling everyone he had head lice, he could go home. I had to leave work to pick him up, and now I have to take him to a doctor so they can verify he can go back. FML

#7570908
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24332) - you deserved it (2200)

On 01/25/2010 at 4:24pm - kids - by joshua (man) - United States (California)

Today, while vainly running a comb through my balding hair, I noticed a hair sticking out of my nose. I yanked it out, and the pain made me tear up a little. It was an inch long. I'm 24 and beginning to have more hair in my nose than on my head. FML

#7570028
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26274) - you deserved it (2407)

On 01/25/2010 at 3:10pm - health - by ptwm (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML

#7568710
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7740) - you deserved it (28054)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML

#7568614
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6958) - you deserved it (30356)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:13pm - misc - by kodijack (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I used the Print Screen button to take a picture of a really cute bag that I want for my birthday. After emailing it to my mom, I noticed I'd forgotten to close another tab in the browser. The tab had a very suggestive title, for an even more suggestive website. FML

#7568071
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5585) - you deserved it (28886)

On 01/25/2010 at 12:21pm - misc - by lala (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

#7566820
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34633) - you deserved it (2908)

On 01/25/2010 at 10:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML

#7565931
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11642) - you deserved it (34003)

On 01/25/2010 at 8:32am - love - by CivE (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

#7565920
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18031) - you deserved it (2250)

On 01/25/2010 at 8:32am - intimacy - by emergency (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my fiancée texts me while out at a restaurant. She told me that she saw one of my high school friends there, and that he asked "How's Douglas doing?". She then asked me who Douglas is. Douglas is my legal name. We've been together for over three years and she didn't know. FML

#7564897
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25500) - you deserved it (9622)

On 01/25/2010 at 6:06am - love - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to my step-sister's for family dinner. Her husband was really drunk and openly hit on me in front of most of my family. I nonchalantly ignored his advances. Later, my step-mom said it would not have happened if I didn't dress like a skank. FML

#7564709
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29135) - you deserved it (5516)

On 01/25/2010 at 5:27am - misc - by irishbabycakes (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

#7564644
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29893) - you deserved it (3091)

On 01/25/2010 at 5:18am - kids - by shitface (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found the Christmas 'newsletter' my mom sends out every year to our extended family and friends that details our activities and achievements of the past year. I wasn't mentioned once. FML

#7564302
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22788) - you deserved it (3252)

On 01/25/2010 at 4:32am - misc - by notworthy (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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