Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML
by Anon / 05/07/2011 at 2:08am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Intimacy
YacL's comment : You should've been like "I want that for my b-day, too".
Today, at 2 in the morning, my water broke. I called my mom and woke her up to come watch our older kid, while my husband and I went to the hospital. After being tested at the hospital, I was told I had just peed myself. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2011 at 1:58am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
barlessprison's comment : you're pregnant. stuff like this is bound to happen. don't beat yourself up over it.
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
by littlegirl / 05/07/2011 at 12:46am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML
by Anonymous / 05/06/2011 at 8:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
fatalkiss's comment : My parents were all, "orgasms are natural & beautiful things, after all, thats how we created you."
Today, my doctor called and asked me when I could have my broken hand x-rayed again. I said the ER staff had told me it was a bad sprain over two weeks ago. I'm now in a full cast, and have to have my partially healed bones re-broken. There goes my summer. FML
by in_pain / 05/06/2011 at 7:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by msjustine / 05/06/2011 at 3:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/06/2011 at 3:16pm / United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead) / Holidays
Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML
by Anonymous / 05/06/2011 at 2:09pm / Saudi Arabia / Intimacy
Today, I took a 40 minute bus ride home from work. The first 20 minutes were spent listening to the drunk man behind me moan uncontrollably and belch. The last 20 minutes were spent trying to ignore the vomit he left on my back as he got up to leave. FML
by eewww / 05/06/2011 at 11:47am / United Kingdom / Transportation
Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML
by eringoBRA / 05/06/2011 at 10:07am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by goinginsane / 05/06/2011 at 3:25am / Miscellaneous
by Tyler / 05/06/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Ohio) / Work
- Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, it’s been a week since I arrived in Cuba. Gustav came to visit us. Now it’s Hannah’s turn.…