Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML
by nicknick2 / 05/18/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous
Today, after fifth block, I decided to go for a little walk. Apparently so did my boyfriend and best friend. I found them together under the stairs with her head in his crotch. She said she was looking for her contacts. His pants were pulled down. FML
by levi69 / 05/18/2011 at 12:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
amrik's comment : you should have took his dick and shoved it up her nose!
Today, at work, somebody stole my sunglasses. Fed up with the constant theft in my office, I stormed up to my boss, as he had long ago promised to catch the thief. He listened patiently to my rant before pointing out that my sunglasses were on my head. FML
Today, we got a new dry-erase board, and I drew the Gotham City skyline complete with the Bat Signal. Later, I went downstairs, only to find my mom had written "BATMAN'S GAY" over the top of the picture. FML
by Anon / 05/18/2011 at 7:47am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
iAmScrubs's comment : One day, your mom is going to be abducted by an evil octopus and batman isn't going to save her because she called him gay.
by JCC / 05/18/2011 at 6:57am / United States (Maryland) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
by Jackedup / 05/18/2011 at 3:57am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Mehness's comment : She pulled a Mary on you.
by Anonymous / 05/18/2011 at 3:26am / United States (California) / Health
by thoughtitwasspecial / 05/18/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2011 at 12:38am / Australia / Health
by unrequited / 05/17/2011 at 10:36pm / United States / Love
Today, I took a final for my law class. As I was taking the test, I noticed the girl on my left copying off me. I wrote all the wrong answers on my sheet while writing the correct answers on my desk hoping she would copy the wrong answers down. I forgot to write the correct answers on my test. FML
by markymark / 05/17/2011 at 1:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…