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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my girlfriend made me shave my chest. Afterwards, she said I looked like I was 12. She won't have sex with me until it grows back. FML

#6287629
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22408) - you deserved it (4476)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by thelistman (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

#6287406
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23448) - you deserved it (3432)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:34pm - animals - by PuppyLove2009 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML

#6287129
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10362) - you deserved it (48008)

On 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm - health - by yellowjacket_34 (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing in Dreamworld, but the laugh came out as a prolonged creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML

#6286266
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19268) - you deserved it (12111)

On 11/13/2009 at 10:53am - misc - by teepee - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML

#6285234
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24933) - you deserved it (5905)

On 11/13/2009 at 7:57am - misc - by joeheathen (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my date arrived far earlier than expected to pick me up. Apparently my mother decided to show him to my room anyway. When the door swung open, I happened to be butt naked in front of the mirror, trying to pick out an ingrown hair on my bum. FML

#6285115
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40515) - you deserved it (5240)

On 11/13/2009 at 7:17am - misc - by stubblebutt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

#6283772
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31687) - you deserved it (6402)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:14am - love - by rejectedmidair (man) - United States (California)

Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML

#6283712
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21419) - you deserved it (1884)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:04am - intimacy - by butch - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking to the parking lot from class while texting. When I looked up as I approached my parking spot, I noticed the words "F*ck you Dave" keyed into my car. Hi, my name is Clare. Who's Dave? FML

#6283457
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33332) - you deserved it (1857)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by mynameis (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to meet my mother. Being a college student, I decided I was too lazy to shave this morning. She noticed the stubble on my face, and started crying because I'm growing up. I'm 23 years old. My dad yelled at me for making my mom cry. FML

#6283375
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30899) - you deserved it (3087)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by stubble (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML

#6283221
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41760) - you deserved it (2569)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by ournhd (man) - United States (California)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a letter, turns out it was the wrong address. My panties are now somewhere in Canadian post. FML

#6282921
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7862) - you deserved it (37491)

On 11/13/2009 at 12:45am - love - by cndpost (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML

#6281731
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31052) - you deserved it (8473)

On 11/12/2009 at 11:19pm - kids - by snapped (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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