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Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML

#4340185
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24880) - you deserved it (93492)

On 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm - love - by dundundadumb (woman) - United States (Texas)

bettyboo_x's comment : Wow omg, what did you say to that?

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Today, after being supportive for nearly a year, my brother finally came out of the closet and introduced the family to his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Guess I know why that didn't work out now. FML

#4338265
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42736) - you deserved it (3074)

On 08/06/2009 at 4:01pm - misc - by tryingnottocare (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I went through the car wash my boyfriend works at. When I pulled in, I explained I was Greg's girlfriend and cutely asked if I could get a free car wash. His co-worker looked at me confused and said "Greg said he didn't have a girlfriend", then he looked at me and said "Now I know why". FML

#4337553
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41824) - you deserved it (9353)

On 08/06/2009 at 3:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

#4337327
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40383) - you deserved it (2385)

On 08/06/2009 at 3:22pm - love - by DravensMommy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML

#4332975
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46825) - you deserved it (4164)

On 08/06/2009 at 11:40am - misc - by daddysboy123 (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML

#4332436
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40083) - you deserved it (6476)

On 08/06/2009 at 11:05am - misc - by Screwupify (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML

#4331370
817 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20520) - you deserved it (463185)

On 08/06/2009 at 9:35am - misc - by who_could_it_be - Canada (Ontario)

beerab's comment : That's just MEAN on your part.

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Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML

#4331157
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59875) - you deserved it (3591)

On 08/06/2009 at 9:14am - misc - by Shopgirl (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML

#4330771
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17802) - you deserved it (103269)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:27am - misc - by Cowan - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML

#4329810
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54647) - you deserved it (2524)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:10am - misc - by slamo (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

#4329775
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62833) - you deserved it (11206)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:05am - intimacy - by OhFseriously123 (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML

#4329050
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59930) - you deserved it (2407)

On 08/06/2009 at 4:45am - misc - by whatismydadthinking (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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