Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

by Albert06 / 03/14/2011 at 5:26pm / France / Love

sweet_candy_'s comment : Wtf that is so sad and embarrassing. It's just disgusting when people cheat.

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Today, I spent almost two hours cleaning my fish tank, only to find out that my cat had secretly eaten all of my fish while I was cleaning the tank. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2011 at 3:52pm / United States / Animals

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2011 at 3:16pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was so lonely that I pretended I wanted to buy something from a telemarketer so that they would keep talking to me. FML

by lonelynessinCA / 03/14/2011 at 2:31pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2011 at 1:22pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML

by alex / 03/14/2011 at 10:44am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

by kb10 / 03/14/2011 at 3:32am / Money

Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home, she even took the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML

by Username / 03/14/2011 at 2:53am / Love

Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2011 at 12:49am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I came back to my boyfriend's house where I've been staying to find all my things thrown outside, ruined, including my entire CD collection, textbooks and clothes cut up. All because I had left my cell phone there and had got a text from a guy saying "Hi, how have you been?" FML

by wtf / 03/14/2011 at 12:07am / Love

mariet's comment : Make him pay to replace everything, then dump him. Take legal action if needed.

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Today, my dog started barking very aggressively. Thinking she'd started another gruesome fight with my older dog, I jumped up from the couch, spilling my coffee all over my laptop and dress, and knocked over a vase my grandmother gave me. She was barking at her own shadow. FML

by spaz / 03/13/2011 at 9:49pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying to relive my childhood via a pogo stick was not a good combination. My new shoes are now a different color. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2011 at 8:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

by aldfgadfklbg / 03/13/2011 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Health