Today, is the anniversary of my cat's death, so I went to visit her grave in the pet cemetery. Someone had spray-painted "Your cat sucks" on her grave. FML

by nrelavender / 05/25/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

thedevilwithin's comment : Wow, people are so heartless these days.

See all the comments

Today, at work, there was a police officer waiting for me. Bewildered, I asked what the problem was. Someone had shot fireworks at cars in the parking lot and I was a suspect. Why? Ponytails on men apparently look suspicious. FML

by wtffireworks! / 05/25/2011 at 10:10pm / United States / Work

marinus's comment : Damn right they do.

See all the comments

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from my biological father, who I have never met in my life. As I was scrolling through his hobbies and interests, I saw "Drinking," "Black women with big asses," and "Getting laid, lol." FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2011 at 4:33pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Intimacy

EvilDoll's comment : well as long as you're not a black woman with a large bottom, I don't think you need to worry

See all the comments

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

by Brilliant... / 05/25/2011 at 1:44pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

by Username / 05/25/2011 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

by anonymous / 05/25/2011 at 10:33am / Singapore / Transportation

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

by art_major / 05/25/2011 at 10:06am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss and I were preparing a lunch order for a nearby real-estate agency. I noticed that the order was riddled with spelling mistakes, so I laughed and mocked the realtors calling them stupid and incompetent. My boss then pointed out that the order was written in his handwriting. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2011 at 9:55am / Australia (Tasmania) / Work

Today, I turned in an essay after staying up late to work on it. I was away when the teacher assigned it, so I'd asked my friend what the subject was. It transpires that she'd given me the wrong one, all because she was mad at me for not returning her pencil. FML

by oh dang /: / 05/25/2011 at 7:34am / Work

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML

by katie / 05/25/2011 at 4:23am / Intimacy

Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview, and that it was a waste of her time to drive me to it; I just quit my job, moved away from my boyfriend and the coast to help take care of her in Idaho. FML

by kylie b / 05/25/2011 at 2:41am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML

by Anon / 05/25/2011 at 1:28am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he is at a suicide risk from depression. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2011 at 1:21am / Canada / Work