by Anonymous / 06/18/2011 at 6:00pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by Stormy / 06/18/2011 at 5:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up with a high fever and hallucinations. I called for my mother, who after checking me, swore that I was just hungover from a night of partying, called me a "f*cking hedonist", and refused to help. FML
by Anna / 06/18/2011 at 12:54pm / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Health
by Barney / 06/18/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/18/2011 at 11:43am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
iAmScrubs's comment : That sounds like the plot of all the twilight books put together.
by Ben / 06/18/2011 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Kids
tinytimmy2's comment : Jerry Jerry!!!
by princev / 06/18/2011 at 6:32am / United States / Health
Aaraeus's comment : Catastrophic.
Today, I explained to my 5 year old daughter that her older sister from my husband's first marriage lives with her mommy, and my daughter lives with us. She exclaimed, "It's not fair! I want two mommies like she has! Can we swap, I like her mommy better than you anyway!" FML
by stepmom / 06/18/2011 at 5:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
by screwed / 06/18/2011 at 4:51am / United States / Love
by Khrixas_069 / 06/18/2011 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML
by callie / 06/18/2011 at 2:08am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
by Inconnu / 06/18/2011 at 1:13am / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I got in my sister's car outside the movie theater and started talking about the movie. When I realized she wasn't saying anything, I looked up to see my ex-boyfriend sitting in the drivers seat. I got in the wrong car. FML
by sucks4me / 06/18/2011 at 12:45am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, things were getting steamy with my boyfriend. For once, I tried to be more vocal to turn him…