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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we're planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, "Well, we're almost 30." Dad replied, "Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!" So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML

#9150929
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22692) - you deserved it (3096)

On 03/17/2010 at 1:09am - misc - by rainonmyparade (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got into a fight with the dryer over a plastic toy car. My hand is bleeding and numb, three of my nails are broken and I have a bruise on my chin. The plastic car is still stuck in the now broken dryer. FML

#9150166
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12377) - you deserved it (24087)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:41am - misc - by Loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that I will be spending my spring break alone because my family is going to France. I can't go with them nor go with any of my friends because I have to take care of the cat. FML

#9149422
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35276) - you deserved it (3850)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:18am - animals - by LG (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML

#9148913
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9747) - you deserved it (27274)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:01am - misc - by rawrrrr (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing noise to my right. I looked over only to see a woman not squatting but bending over, spreading her cheeks, peeing a horse-sized amount of pee. I can't un-see this. FML

#9143571
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38135) - you deserved it (3030)

On 03/16/2010 at 9:34pm - misc - by disturbed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at a debate tournament based on domestic abuse, my partner yells out, "Has anyone considered that maybe the women DESERVED to be beaten?" FML

#9141842
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39161) - you deserved it (6005)

On 03/16/2010 at 8:46pm - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

#9139236
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35249) - you deserved it (2895)

On 03/16/2010 at 7:17pm - love - by latenightbite - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me. In my opinion, the relationship was going so well and I really thought we loved each other. When I asked why, he told me he never loved me. He just wanted to get in my pants which after a year of refusing, he finally did. FML

#9138993
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28947) - you deserved it (5566)

On 03/16/2010 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, as I was pulling out of the school parking lot I was blasting my music and feeling pretty awesome, I got a few honks and felt even cooler. Until some lady pulled up next to me and told me I had left my binder on the roof and all my papers were all over the road behind me. FML

#9138869
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8227) - you deserved it (41127)

On 03/16/2010 at 7:03pm - misc - by Midge (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

#9135717
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34673) - you deserved it (4901)

On 03/16/2010 at 4:51pm - animals - by Adam (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my fiancé is in a long distance relationship with his ex. Not only do we live on the same island, he's also my neighbor and my co-worker. FML

#9134899
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27571) - you deserved it (3093)

On 03/16/2010 at 4:14pm - love - by KMAC (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML

#9134827
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9928) - you deserved it (38127)

On 03/16/2010 at 4:12pm - love - by splitzville (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

#9133208
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27135) - you deserved it (6975)

On 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm - health - by liu_kang - United States



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