Today, a month after my 21st birthday, I received my health exam results. I don't remember the night of the birthday because I was hammered. However, I called my friend and it's now clear that the stripper they paid to have her way with me, had Chlamydia. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 12:59pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 12:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, some construction workers kept going in and out the door next to my cubicle. They decided it would be easier to just prop the door open for the next hour. It's 20 degrees outside, and I'm wearing a dress. FML

by bitty / 01/11/2011 at 9:45am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, while parallel parked, a car stopped next to me, backed up, and hit the woman behind him. When she pulled off to the side to check for damage, she slammed into me. FML

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me because he's in love with my sister, who turned him down repeatedly, and I'm the closest he can now get. FML

by Username / 01/11/2011 at 4:45am / Love

Today, as I'm pregnant, my mom came over to do some nice things for me, such as clean my kitchen and cook a large pot of my favorite soup. When she left, I took a nap, planning to eat later. I woke up to find my roommates had trashed my kitchen and eaten all my soup. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 4:43am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, some of my classmates brought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. I took the leftovers with me after class, and when my mom picked me up from school, she asked, "What are the cupcakes for?" FML

by bdayboy / 01/11/2011 at 4:17am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 2:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I discovered that just because I got my braces removed does not mean my painful mouth ulcers will stop. I now have them under my tongue. I can't even lick my lips. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 1:38am / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I went to the bathroom and my pee split into 4 different streams, none of which actually hit the toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 12:32am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my coworker thought it would be funny to throw my keys up onto the top shelf in storage. I'm 4'10. FML

by frmitalywithlove / 01/10/2011 at 11:11pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I sent a friend request on facebook to the only person I became friends with this semester at college. He denied me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 10:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, was the first day of potty training for my toddler. While watching a "How to Potty Train" video, I noticed my toddler was making a weird face on the side of the couch. I walked over to her, picked her up and a big pile of poop dropped. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids