Miss 29 years-old In a relationship
Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, "I wish you liked anal." FML
Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML
Today, I shadowed an ultrasound technician for my future career. She did an ultrasound on me to show me how to do the job. I found out I was pregnant. FML
Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML
Today, whilst driving to the store, an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow. As he passed my car, I angrily gave him the finger. And then I realized I was wearing mittens. FML
Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist, and ran. FML
Today, I was cleaning one of my elderly patient's teeth. After finishing and reminding her to floss, I realised she had died. Supposedly she was dead for a good 20 minutes. FML
Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML
Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML
Today, my grandparents came to visit. So far, they have called me fat, bragged about how my cousin is better than me, and told me how I'm not good enough for them. It's OK though, they gave me a pretzel from the airline and a textbook on physics. In another language. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML
Today, my gynecologist told me that the ecosystem in my vagina is unbalanced, and that I have to do some reconstruction. Uhm what? FML
Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML
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