Miss California, USA 42 years-old Single
Today, the guy I like asked me out for the first time. It's a good thing he did it over Facebook, because I started shaking and almost threw up. I don't know how I'm going to function on our date next week. FML
Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML
Today, my little sister figured out how to use the printer. I came home to pictures of Nicolas Cage all over my room. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. Three people showed up. My mom, my dad, and the priest. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML
Today, I found out that me having a boyfriend is an on-going family joke. FML
Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML
Today, I purposely set my phone off in class to make it seem like I had friends. FML
Today, I got a ticket for speeding in a school zone. The school hasn't even been built yet. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML
Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML
Today, I repeatedly had to ask people to please stop groping the mannequins. FML
Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML
Today, my car keys are in my house and my house keys are in my car, and I'm in neither. FML
Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML
Today, I discovered that the guy I've been seeing is a firm supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church. FML
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