darthb0bby

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Darthb0bby's favorite FMLs

By checkup - 15/07/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 378

You deserved it 5 094

By oops - 15/07/2012 05:34 - United States

Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 883

You deserved it 44 585

Peckish

By Bontempi - 19/07/2012 18:55 - France

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 646

You deserved it 42 752

By opinaise - 02/08/2012 13:00 - France - Toulouse

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 52

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 05:16 - United States - Norfolk

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 480

You deserved it 4 931

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 15:42 - United States

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 974

You deserved it 1 775

By Anonymous - 16/08/2012 19:36 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 533

You deserved it 175 482

Who am I? Who are you?

By Maria - 20/08/2012 13:25 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a stranger came up to me with a flirty smile, greeted me by my name, and asked if I remembered him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember, so I asked him to tell me. He promptly left with a disappointed look. He was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 852

You deserved it 7 693

By ihateveganism - 22/08/2012 04:19 - United States - Barrington

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 363

You deserved it 10 034

By Anonymous - 22/08/2012 06:01 - Australia - Camberwell

Today, the man who tried to mug me sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 707

You deserved it 2 127

Wrong 'un

By TheBeautifulOne - 23/08/2012 13:42 - United Kingdom - Ayr

Today, I met a girl I used to make fun of in high school. She was taking my fingerprints after I was arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 115

You deserved it 82 230

By thekriss - 23/08/2012 20:28 - France - Paris

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 947

You deserved it 12 120

By wtf - 26/08/2012 05:03 - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by picture, during a game of Draw Something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 372

You deserved it 2 429

Ciphered

By ewww - 26/08/2012 09:21 - United States - Seattle

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substitution cipher, using literary references. As they're both literature professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 102

You deserved it 2 554

Where on Earth do you work?

By Anonymous - 26/08/2012 23:39 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 445

You deserved it 4 306

By Anonymous - 27/08/2012 02:56 - United States - Riverside

Today, my wife and I got in a 4-hour heated argument, which resulted in her begging for a divorce, and admitting that she cheated on me. This all started with us arguing about the instructions for our new IKEA table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 888

You deserved it 2 486

By masterman - 27/08/2012 06:45 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 154

You deserved it 2 956

Consent

By jon - 31/08/2012 21:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontanous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 775

You deserved it 18 144

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 17:34 - United States - Reston

Today, I found out my friend swapped my girlfriend and probation officer's numbers in my phone. My girlfriend is wondering why I asked her permission to leave the country, and my probation officer said she can't wait to see me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 052

You deserved it 4 399

By FastFoodWaiter - 03/09/2012 23:43 - United States - Saukville

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 538

You deserved it 1 966