ravenrocket

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About Ravenrocket

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Ravenrocket - Followers

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Ravenrocket's FML badges

It's in the can!

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The return of the thumb

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

The thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

YDI Master

You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.

Judgmental

You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.

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Ravenrocket's favorite FMLs

TMI

By SoggyPancakes - 11/03/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 842

You deserved it 71 953

By rebekah - 03/04/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463 831

You deserved it 77 222

Cute but… TMI

By heytherexo - 05/04/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while I was showering, my 3 year-old son came to the bathroom and put on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterwards, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 965

You deserved it 93 541

By xxxdwangelaxxx - 18/04/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 146

You deserved it 34 670

By embarrassed - 26/05/2009 04:51 - United States

Today, I went to see Terminator. Not wanting to spend an outrageous amount of money at the concession stand, I sneaked a Dr. Pepper into the theater. I thought I had gotten away with it, until I opened the bottle and it exploded all over me and four other people that I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 430

You deserved it 52 977

Camping out

By Baggabbles123 - 08/06/2009 23:24 - Canada

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 478

You deserved it 9 358

By kareed3 - 19/07/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 643

You deserved it 4 098

America! F*** yeah!

By scarredforlife - 08/08/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room, only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain, I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 251

You deserved it 7 233

By Ouch - 12/08/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 787

You deserved it 22 674

Wahey!

By no_hullabalo - 04/09/2009 14:50 - Taiwan

Today, I went parasailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. On top of that, I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 868

You deserved it 3 483

By Busted - 21/10/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 269

You deserved it 4 294

By Shawty - 03/11/2009 03:41 - United States

Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 350

You deserved it 5 849

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 085

You deserved it 7 801

By pumpkinbutt - 17/01/2010 21:08 - France

Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 152

You deserved it 4 827

By carwife - 21/08/2010 04:13 - Canada

Today, at a family dinner, my new husband compared deciding to marry me to buying a used car. Some of the similarites included looking under the hood and finding out how many previous owners there were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 676

You deserved it 7 654

By Anonymous - 02/11/2010 16:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 758

You deserved it 37 428

By Username - 23/12/2010 14:48 - Canada

Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper and began yelling at the store owners. For some reason, he then removed his shirt in protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 470

You deserved it 3 032

By Michelle - 20/02/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 125

You deserved it 4 980

Collector's items

By Username - 21/04/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines had been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 245

You deserved it 55 711

Tough shit

By c.m.g. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 618

You deserved it 3 947