Mr abbotsford, canada 35 years-old
Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML
Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML
Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
Today, I got tased, with the same TASER I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML
Today, I found out I sleepwalk. How you might ask? By awakening the moment just before I fell from the stairs. I was better off sleeping. FML
Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML
Today, I found out the "small termite problem" the inspector told me about wasn't so small when a box from the attic fell through the floor and hit me in the head. FML
Today, I was driving home with my dad after buying a new truck. We were on the freeway and the engine wasn't revving up very much. My dad thought that something was wrong with my transmission, so he reached over to change gears. Most cars won't go into reverse at high speeds. Mine does. FML
Today, I realized that I hadn't seen my video camera in a while. After searching for several minutes in my room, I remembered that I had given it to my dad to hide before our month long trip (so even if someone broke into the house the video camera would be safe). He's forgotten where he hid it. FML
Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because I need to "watch my weight." FML
Today, I went to a school football game alone. I sat next to these hot girls. To seem cool, I picked up my phone and had a fake conversation with the coolest guy in the grade. Halfway through, he came over and talked to the girls. FML
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