Miss 29 years-old
Today, I received an e-mail from the girls at work. It was an invite to lunch, but it said, "Lunch today at Camber's, PLEASE don't tell Françoise, I don't think any of us can take any more of her!" I'm Françoise. FML
Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML
Today, I was fired from my job. Apparently getting shot is no valid reason to stay home. FML
Today, my sister told me she didn’t want me in her wedding pictures because I looked fat in my bridesmaid's dress. FML
Today, my parents woke me up by pouring a glass of freezing cold water over my head. Their reason? They were "bored". FML
Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML
Today, my dad hid the toilet paper and is charging me 50 cents a roll. FML
Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML
Today, at 2 in the morning, my water broke. I called my mom and woke her up to come watch our older kid, while my husband and I went to the hospital. After being tested at the hospital, I was told I had just peed myself. FML
Today, I realized that I frequently argue with myself and respond back. FML
Today, when I weighed myself on my scale, it broke. FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML
Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute. Twice. While in my work uniform. FML
Today, I found out my mom has notebooks with lists of everything she has bought for me ever since I was born. Apparently she is going to make me pay her back for all the money she spent on me once I'm an adult. FML
Today, my boyfriend left me for my neighbor. Her name is Hope. She'd better "hope" I don't take a dump in her yard. FML
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