Miss 32 years-old In a relationship
Today, I found out that I drunkenly texted my boss yesterday asking for nude pictures. He sent them. I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. FML
Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML
Today, I shat out a staple. FML
Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML
Today, my five year-old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML
Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML
Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML
Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML
Today, I actually resorted to checking the newspaper obituaries to see where the deceased were employed, just so I can find a job opening. FML
Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML
Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Today, my dog died. My parents told me to bury it out back. In the process, I managed to dig up my cat. FML
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