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Polytrouble

By Anonymous - 07/11/2023 00:02

Today, I'm in a polyamorous relationship. My husband and my boyfriend are both aware and are okay with it. Today they met. Not only are they okay with each other, they’ve hit it off. They've drafted a schedule of which days they want, meals, and chores for me on those days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 981

Stay professionnal

By Bden - 21/03/2009 20:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, was my first serious photoshoot as a male model for a high-end clothing line. It was a nude photoshoot, with kind of an Adam and Eve theme. After the first couple of pictures with the extremly sexy female model, I got a boner. There were still 100 shots left to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 843

You deserved it 22 414

By janice - 03/06/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, my boss called me to his office, and played back a recording of me telling a co-worker that if I still worked there in a year, I would hang myself. He then bitched me out for unprofessional conduct. The taped conversation took place over a year ago, with my recently ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 691

You deserved it 7 741

Come on man, make an effort

By reallymom - 18/05/2021 02:01 - United States - Houston

Today, it's been over a month since my mom has answered my calls or texts. Why? Because I didn't write an elaborate post on her Facebook for her birthday like my sister did. I only called and messaged with her all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 103

Scraping by

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 114

You deserved it 5 011

Watch where you're going

By Marriage at it's finest.. - 22/05/2021 13:59

Today, I was riding my scooter and humming a tune while doing so. It happened to be the tune you hear at weddings. I got married to the garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 768

By Amanda - 10/03/2013 16:08 - Canada

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 199

You deserved it 6 685

By Anonymous - 01/06/2011 00:50 - Brazil

Today, my boyfriend refused to take me out on our three year anniversary because he was busy, "training to become a professional gamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 835

You deserved it 8 659

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I drove my husband's car to the mall because my car was in the shop. The bumper was being repaired because I got rear ended while stopped at a traffic light. While stopped at the same intersection I got rear ended again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 923

You deserved it 3 877

Belch monster

By gross - 23/05/2021 02:00

Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 272

By Sebastian - 17/03/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, our school had tryouts for chorus. Everybody sang a snippet of the song together until the teacher stopped us, saying it sounded awful. He singled me out and told me to sing alone. After I sang the part, he said, "Son, your gift to God will be silence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 799

You deserved it 7 782

By blueglover - 27/03/2012 07:40 - United States - Perris

Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 978

You deserved it 3 709

By adogg18 - 29/05/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 314

You deserved it 15 439

By fiery - 24/07/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, I was reaching for something in the back of the refrigerator. The bottle of hot sauce that was in front of it fell and broke. Not only did the glass cut my feet up, but the hot sauce got in the fresh wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 056

You deserved it 4 603

By highlandgirl10 - 21/07/2010 20:31 - Canada

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 152

You deserved it 6 235

Showing

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 14:01

Today, I recorded a 20-minute TED talk and told my students to watch it on the app in preparation for next terms projects. I got bombarded with messages from my students, telling me that because I was sat down on a chair while recording, certain camera angles could see straight up my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 695

By NotFunny - 24/09/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, I missed my bus by a minute. I called up my step-dad asking him if he could drive me because I had a test first period. After about calling him twenty times, and him not picking up, I saw him drive by the bus stop, pointing at me and laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 431

You deserved it 4 441

By Noname - 13/03/2009 07:27 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend that I've had a crush on him since our junior year. Since I couldn't see him I shot him a text. His response: "Yeah I know. I've tried kind of ignoring it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 626

You deserved it 7 812

By anony - 27/02/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 761

You deserved it 6 707

Jump on me, I beg you

By RachelVanLannen9 - 12/07/2010 01:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 263

You deserved it 10 732

By fatty - 23/09/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 433

You deserved it 15 702

We need to talk…

By HeatherRosure18 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Glendale Heights

Today, while at the nail salon, my boyfriend called. Since I was getting my nails done, I had to put him on speaker. The whole salon heard him break up with me. I can still hear their snickering in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 648

You deserved it 7 623

By SophieGray - 20/05/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 920

You deserved it 5 072

By robbedonCTA - 22/09/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 137

You deserved it 7 715

So, have I got the job?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Beaverton

Today, I had my first job interview after three years of unemployment. I was so happy that I broke down into tears the moment I saw the interviewer. Great first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 130

You deserved it 6 696

So, this is my mom…

By Emily - 03/07/2010 18:57 - Australia

Today, after spending a great evening with the guy I really like, he dropped me off outside my house. When he pulled into my driveway, his lights shone onto my drunken mum taking the garbage out in nothing but her black panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 347

You deserved it 3 162

By GreenScar - 11/03/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 839

You deserved it 5 641

By BadAssBandit897 - 23/02/2013 13:46 - Canada

Today, the guy who confessed his love for me also confessed that in his rage, he almost shot the last girl who broke his heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 966

You deserved it 2 925

BadAssBandit897 tells us more.

BadAssBandit897 9

Saturday 23 February 2013 23:04

Hey guys, OP here...I can't believe I forgot to log in :P anyways, I decided to be completely honest with the guy and end things. It was a little scary, seeing as he also knows where I live. He was in denial at first, but in the end he accepted that I wasn't interested. I still can't get a good night's rest though...

By Charles - 18/05/2011 17:13 - Norway

Today, I finally found out who has been hacking my email account to send dirty messages to my teacher. My dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 101

You deserved it 3 927

Hi Honey, I'm home

By seminole711 - 20/09/2009 14:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 189

You deserved it 6 994

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The Top

The Top

Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 154

You deserved it 3 249

Today, I let my 5 year-old niece walk my 3 month-old husky puppy while I watched. I didn't realize how strong my puppy actually is until she took off running while dragging my niece with her. My niece now has two busted up knees and chin and her mother is now calling my puppy "demon puppy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 268

You deserved it 26 815

Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 647

You deserved it 326

Today, I got my period and went clubbing. I had to change my tampon and stupidly I only brought one. When I unwrapped it, it fell on the floor. I had to wait in the womens' bathroom for 45 minutes for a random girl to give me a spare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 864

You deserved it 823

Today, I met up with a couple I know, who wanted to introduce me to someone. I thought they were setting me up with her, but no. They were coming out as polyamorous, and she was their new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 155

Today, my home health aide doused me with what she considered to be Holy Water. It was bottled water. Turns out she was having a meltdown. It's a freezing day in New York City. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 105