Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

Thanks mom

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML

The struggle

Today, my son came to complain that all he and his girlfriend do is have sex, yet never talk to each other. As his dad, I tried to give him good advice, but as his mom makes me miserable every time she opens her mouth, it was a struggle to think what to say. In fact, he’s living my idea of paradise. FML

You what?

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML