Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, I bought myself a Crumbl cookie as a treat for losing 20lbs. Upon seeing it, my mom screamed at me for cheating on my diet and how I was going to "gain all the weight back" and insisted she eat some of it to "help me out." She left behind a tiny morsel of the cookie with a chocolate chip chunk. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML
Today, my brother had texted me, asking, "Why did you take Mom's chocolate? That's pathetic." I proceeded to swear on my own life that I didn't, but directly after that he sent me a picture of the wrapper in my room. FML
Today, I received a 7-page text message during school from my mom yelling at me because I ate her cereal. FML
Today, I got a text from an unknown number that just said, “I’m outside.” Thinking it was a prank, I wrote back, “Cool, I’m inside. Stay there forever.” Ten minutes later, the food delivery guy left, and I never got my dinner. FML
Today, my mom complained that I never do anything nice for her, so while out shopping I bought her favorite chocolate bar. When I got home, she screamed at me because she’s on a diet. FML
Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML
Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML
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Top comments
carry_on 19
At least your stalker is looking out for your health...
anabelgraceaxton_fml 15
You could do so much better, don't cheat on your diet, it's not worth it.
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Comments (134)
anabelgraceaxton_fml 15
You could do so much better, don't cheat on your diet, it's not worth it.
xStaciexLynnx 15
Actually sometimes it's okay to cheat every now and then, just not excessively.
Clioo_fml 17
Cheating with chocolate? Dude, chocolate is the jackpot!
Clioo_fml 17
That should be: not worth cheating with chocolate? Ugh..sorry.
jelly713 19
It really is. But a little bit of chocolate can actually help your diet. It suppresses hunger enough so that you end up eating less afterward. But only eat a little.
rhettandlink 4
Dark chocolate is healthier than most other junk foods... At least they weren't eating a bag of cheesy puffs with extra fat...
denbeste 3
Chocolate IS healty.
a1f0sff 25
I would love for it to still be healthy even when eaten in abundance! Just think about your goals, OP. If your intention is to get thinner, think about how happy you would be when you reached it before eating anything that will help you reach the opposite :)
andyyroxx 20
Correction - raw cacao/cocoa/carob in its unadulterated state is teeming with polyphenols and antioxidants. Along with some vitamin E and A, they are by no means unhealthy. That is, until production strips them of their fibre, which contains their fat soluble vitamins, as well as adding whey (casein counteracts antioxidating activity) and heaven knows what chocolate she's talking about.
natsaysheyyy 16
In moderation, it can be.
Sootie247 12
thats kind of creepy
v1kt4r 13
No shit!
SystemofaBlink41 27
Yes shit.
GTAmax99 12
Heh...shit...chocolate...heh...
brunbanan 12
Maybe it was her conscious texting
hellaflushfa5 6
It's ok, it was only her stalker that lives in her attic lookin' out for her.
ladylilly25 20
But convenient! She has an unknown accountablilabuddy.
carry_on 19
At least your stalker is looking out for your health...
oj101 33
Yes, so the stalker can go stalk OP for longer. What an elaborate plan! OP isn't of much use to the stalker if he's 6 feet under (or wide).
Blackcatluck 19
Maybe it was just his conscience
LolPieRofl 11
Yeah so he can rape her when she gets a smokin' hot body!
trickiestboss 10
stalker wants that body to look right when he strikes
cooldude77 10
chocolate is the substitute for sex!
UberNova 18
Sex is good for you, chocolate is usually bad, dropping the chocolate and gettin' some **** would do her 2x the good.
v1kt4r 13
Agreed.. Sex over chocolate, no calories added and you get the workout, burning calories
AwkwardPartyBear 24
I beg to differ. Bacon > Chocolate > Sex.
FMLshark 12
Why not all 3, 21?
7yzz 18
I'm sorry but if you think chocolate is actually better than sex then you need to actually go and try having sex.
SilverInGray 25
Some people don't like sex.
SilverInGray 25
69- that's not necessarily true.
RainbowDashie140 12
Sure! As long as it's not at once.
7yzz 18
If they dont like it means there is something wrong with them.
SilverInGray 25
101- people can be asexual, and that doesn't mean there's something wrong with them.
7yzz 18
I'm afraid most educated people would consider asexuality a disorder, its prevalence according a study done in 2004 is at about 1% of the population, so it isnt 'normal'. One of the prime functions and instincts of humans is to have intercourse and reproduce, so to not have this instinct is certainly not normal. Its like depression, its a lack of certain chemicals in the brain. Hopefully in the next few years research will narrow down which chemicals these are, and then after a bit longer there will be a medication that will supplement this chemical(s) as independently as possible.
SilverInGray 25
Just because something isn't normal does not make it a disorder. Many people actually consider it an orientation, like being gay, or straight. People who have it don't want to be 'cured' of it, because they don't consider it something they need to be cured of.
squideth 18
Wow that's insulting. Try telling an asexual they need to be "cured" and see how much they love that idea. What bullshit. What the hell does it matter to you if someone doesn't want to have sex? Get a ******* grip
Jordath_Fil 11
Actually 113 being abnormal is basically the definition of a disorder. What is Down's syndrome? 3 pairs of chromosome 21. What is klienfelters syndrome? 2 X chromosomes and a Y chromosome. These disorders stem from abnormality. Evolutionarily speaking, those people who are homosexual or asexual have not only an abnormality but a debilitating disorder that will remove them from the gene pool (this is equivalent to death evolutionarily). So while it may not need to be fixed (the world is becoming overcrowded as it is) it is none the less a disorder.
YepThatsMeee 23
Text back and say you're sorry. Then stop cheating.
misunderstood94 15
Yeah I agree... I want to say YDI, but I think it will be harsh because sticking to a diet is super hard
pantsman66 20
Eating ain't cheating huh?!
chriswright1888 10
Sounds like my zebra! He always text me when i eat some chocolate.
capslockisgood 19
Why wasn't he in Star Wars with you?
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
Just the diet fairy reminding you to stay on track!
XxXkyttiXxX 11
Time to start checking the windows.