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Hello guys! OP here. Did not think it would get posted. So, to add onto the story, my friend's wedding was postponed a week because we had a little rain and he wanted an outdoor wedding. My mom usually is a pretty wonderful woman, but she is still used to cleaning up after myself and my siblings, probably because my youngest has muscular dystrophy and can't walk. We ended up sorting it out with the company, who informed us they could send us a new one. To be honest, repairing the suit would have cost less than just renting another one. Anyway, thanks for listening to the rant. Bye.

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 22:52 - United States

Today, thanks to Grand Theft Auto, I found myself seriously thinking about holding up an armored bank truck when I saw it in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 699

You deserved it 38 604

Free labor

By mannnnn - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff

Today, I went into work to change a shift I was unable to work. I phoned the first person on the employee sheet and they promptly answer by saying, "You still work here? I thought the manager fired you." I was fired last week and have been showing up for shifts without anybody noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 276

You deserved it 6 222

By notthebesttime - 13/10/2012 12:04

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 871

You deserved it 3 739

By GogurtBadass - 18/09/2013 16:55 - United States - Olympia

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the mouth while eating a Go-Gurt. I was eating it because I'd just had my wisdom teeth removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 681

You deserved it 5 382

By lababy - 15/11/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 810

You deserved it 21 202

By ash - 14/01/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 197

You deserved it 16 147

Performative

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 07:02 - United States - Fort Bragg

Today, I fucking hate Veterans Day. It's just an outpouring of artificial gratitude, because tomorrow when all the parades and free meals are all gone, my back will still hurt, my knees will still hurt, and my soul will still be tainted. No one fucking gives a shit anymore, not like yesterday, not even close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 306

By TaraBURGER - 17/09/2013 07:57 - United States

Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 374

You deserved it 4 347

TaraBURGER tells us more.

TaraBURGER 18

Wednesday 18 September 2013 0:11

My parents still think that I'm trying to replace them. I don't think they understand that this woman is only technically my mother. She isn't my mommy and never could be. I also found out I have a little sister, which is kinda cool. I haven't even told them about her. I'd get booted out of the family tree. I tried to talk to my parents about it, but they just shut me down every time and pulled the whole, "Are we not good enough for you?" bullshit on me. I went on Facebook and found her right away. She's a very nice lady, but I still just call her by her first name. Like I said, she isn't my momma. Also, I saw something on here about the real mom vs. biological mom debate. Personally, I think saying "real mom" is a bit weird. My real mom is the one that changed my diapers, read to me at night, and comforted me when I came home from school crying. I think biological mom is less offensive to adoptive mothers. I have and will never use the term "real mom" to describe my biological mother.

Red scare

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I introduced my Chinese-born girlfriend to the rest of the family. My uncle immediately blurted out, "He's dating a communist." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 073

You deserved it 4 848

By Johnnogood - 09/10/2012 13:57 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 844

You deserved it 2 259

By Sam - 18/01/2010 17:05 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my freshly dry-cleaned $200 suit not on my bed. Instead I found my drunk ex-girlfriend. Not only did she break into my house, she decided that she wanted to sleep in my bed and threw my suit into the trash. I have a job interview today and the garbage men already came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 457

You deserved it 3 014

Unattack dog

By woofwoof - 30/12/2014 04:17 - Turkey - Izmir

Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 068

You deserved it 3 019

By S…… - 09/01/2011 10:18 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 422

You deserved it 5 771

Prank gone wrong

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 18:00

Today, my prank-loving girlfriend pushed hot sauce up my penis hole with her tongue by pretending she was going to give me oral sex. It’s been an hour of burning, it’s worse when I pee, and I think I may need a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 974

You deserved it 264

By Lisa - 16/12/2014 03:38 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 276

You deserved it 4 384

By hateskool888581 - 12/01/2010 00:28 - Mexico

Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 941

You deserved it 2 350

By NotGabe - 01/09/2013 14:25 - United States - Houston

Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 597

You deserved it 3 537

NotGabe tells us more.

NotGabe 28

Tuesday 3 September 2013 1:53

OP here. Looks like I caused some confusion, so let me clear it up. In the US, the changeable tops of a bottle are called nipples. Basically, a female customer gave my **** a twist.

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 16:02 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out first-hand that the most horrifying sight you can ever witness is two morbidly obese people getting nasty with each other in a dance club's run-down, public restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 096

You deserved it 5 583