Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet. The vet asked me to hold him still and keep him chill while he took his temperature rectally. My dog freaked out, jumped, and the thermometer hit me in the face. The vet just said, “That’s a first.” FML
Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML
Today, my boyfriend took our dog to the vet because he heard him whining in pain this morning. It was actually me singing in the shower. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML
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Top comments
tangerine_12 0
ewww thats sicckkk. but i woulda laaughed too ahaha.
xkat356 0
hahahaa, you should have just stuck the thermometer in your armpit, not your mouth, but FYL.
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Comments (79)
tangerine_12 0
ewww thats sicckkk. but i woulda laaughed too ahaha.
ryguy997 0
YDI for not washing the thermometer first even if you didn't know if it was dirty. and you noticed no shit stains?
Kamon97 23
Why so many YDI's all you people are sick...
allmidnighteyes 11
This should be in intimacy.
egaonogenki 0
No, you dork.
vendris 5
Yes it should!
Star9919 0
Doggy breath.
sicpupyz122 0
@3 it means the dog got it up the butt, not through the mouth.
xkat356 0
hahahaa, you should have just stuck the thermometer in your armpit, not your mouth, but FYL.
maggiewalters 17
thats cultural right? i dont know one single person that sticks it in their mouth.
Leviyah 0
Well...as far as I know the only people who use thermometers rectally are babies...and you use the armpit when they are too big for that but too little to hold it in their mouths. Around here temperature is always taken by mouth. Doctor's office, at home, in the ER. It's just normal. To the OP...that might be grounds for leaving the relationship...not that he used a thermometer in the dog's bottom, but that he LAUGHED AT YOU for using it. Jerk. FYL
allie2590 31
Putting it in your mouth is very common here. Armpit isn't as accurate.
walrys 0
To #40: Are you kidding? I would have laughed my ass off if I was the boyfriend. I'm sure he felt horrible for her, it's just that it's funny to hear that someone you know well accidentally put a thermometer that had been up a dog's ass in her mouth. The FML here isn't the boyfriend, it's where the thermometer was.
Evilphatpandah 5
Where I live doctors and health professionals never take temperature orally but instead they scan your forehead with a little handheld machine.
some1hones 0
it can be worse...what if you have swine flu!?!?
drzhottie148 0
LOL Did you like your dog shit?
NumberZine 0
In the 20 plus years I've had dogs, I have never once taken their temp. You deserve it for having a weird ass boyfriend.
Lithiette 9
What if they have some kind of immunity condition? Be a little more open-minded when you comment things like this. Downvote.
actorkidrox 0
So, I guess that gives a new meaning to the term "doggy style", eh?
Egotistical 0
First comment in a while to make me laugh. Congrats.
Rach_star 0
LOL
plexico 4
I guess he really stepped in it.
AFewScrewsLoose 0
luls. :3
mister_moops 0
i wish my profile pic was as cool as both of yours'.
ladysandry 0
Do you not wash the thermometer before you use it?