Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dog was run over. The man who ran over my dog was taking his own dog to the emergency vet. As the man awkwardly tried to apologise to me, he said, "Think of the irony". FML
Today, I took my 17 year-old dog, who had been my best friend my entire life right from when I was born, to be euthanised. I had booked in advance. The vet ambled in all spritely and cheerfully asked, "Just here for a checkup, aye?" FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML
Today, I had to put my 12 year-old dog down because he had dementia. I was told I got to lay on the floor with him, and say when I was ready. The vet brought my dog out on a stretcher, had the vet tech put him in a choke-hold, and administered the drugs before I could speak. Now, I have PTSD and she has to undergo sensitivity training. FML
Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet. Wanting to seem like a responsible owner, I lifted him onto the exam table. My back then cracked loudly, I dropped him, and he ran straight into a trash can. The vet sighed and asked, “Rough day for both of you?” FML
Today, my 12 year-old dog died. My boyfriend's attempts to comfort me involved him muttering, "At least she knows how to play dead now." FML
Today, I knew it was going to be a fun day when I woke up to find that my kids' new puppy had died in the night. FML
Today, my dog of 10 years died suddenly. My husband’s response? “At least you don’t have to buy dog food anymore." FML
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Top comments
irollup 4
This was wonderfully written. I've never read an FML so descriptive.
gunmania0 12
That was a good hard metaphor.
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Comments (282)
dancefan0220 0
Hats sad D:
TipsfromSips 3
if the dog was very old/in pain you did the right thing OP
futtbuck101 1
Rape is a serious crime. Don't be afraid to tell someone.
genesisnirvana 11
Definitely loving OP's way of describing the irony.
fanceh 10
that wasn't the only hard shaft going up your ass that day, was it?
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
It's kinda like rapists who feel the cold, hard shaft of irony up the ass in prison. Metaphorically speaking of course.
lilmisslovely13 15
This is very poetic. I was a little surprised, but pleased :)
emmaa3451 11
Damn those raping shafts of irony!! Hahaha
FFPulley 9
Did you go take a scalding hot shower afterwards to wash away the shame of this visit to the vet that you were apparently raped at?
nadyy14 8
I know how it feels to have your pet put asleep...its sad :'( you know what makes me feel better, hanging around with people you love!
sciencekidster1 8
The Sorting Hat is the nicest hat of all. It somehow finds something nice to say about Slytherin.
xcarxcrashx 9
176 LMAO!!!
Winnerz4life 0
lm
Iheartfunny 1
If I had stoped reading at "cold hard shaft of irony slid up my ass" I still would have laughfed like helk but the ending really didit for me (thats what she said) But seriously OP sorry about your dog
ChucklesTheClown 4
There's a national dog day? Why?
JoHire 0
Because dogs are awesome^
Friaza 29
@9 You don't kill living creatures because they're old...
captn_fml 0
******* win.
abbey321 8
My cat shadow died on my lap. I miss him so much! He wasn't in pain but he was old he died healthy and in my arms. ;(
lancer3044 0
:/
snowdrift 6
Ahah what a metaphor....:// sorry about yo dawgi op
irollup 4
This was wonderfully written. I've never read an FML so descriptive.
sovietkiwi 0
Hahaha I know right
sovietkiwi 0
Hahaha I know right
Laurenlou 24
OP must have a ton of great analogies like this!
gunmania0 12
15 - analogy is such a dirty word, and it correctly matches the FML... You get a +1.
Laurenlou 24
24- Analogy is not a dirty word. But thanks!
mazochyst 10
30, ANALogy is what I think they were getting at.
ollierobs 0
Ow. I could feel it. So cold... So cold...
Laurenlou 24
39- Oh I see that now! Sorry I don't keep my mind in the gutter. Haha
KiddNYC1O 22
45- You should. It's this new trend...
rawrface22 10
'twas beautifully composed
tj4234 36
If OP managed to write like this in 200 characters or less, I'd love to have a conversation with him/her in real life.
ihasbrains 10
This reminds me of the FML about Satan's ass gas. Wonderful descriptions, eh?
xX_LilSammie_Xx 4
It's like I was actually there.
mgon93 0
Very true
itouchuser77 8
Poetry my good man
aftertheriot 0
this gives a whole new meaning to f your life
jdawg2010 0
i know right!
geoffnel10 0
sucks if it's a guy...
FML102938 8
I am so turned on by this
HelloHolaBonjour_fml 11
1,000 likes thanks to me
FunnyGuy5051 7
sorry to hear that op, I never knew there was a national dog day tho
ugottaluvme 0
Ahh, your a funny guy ehh?
xNephilim 19
There is a national day for everything.
gunmania0 12
That was a good hard metaphor.
Midnightpearls 13
Oh god lmao
cre8or99 0
That's ruff
santasadiekins 0
that, my friend, was so bad I giggled
gunmania0 12
I see what you did there! For those that don't get it, dogs go 'ruff'.
minnymouse20 13
Aha that's smart
gunmania0 12
Are you not going to thank me for point that out 17? :(
AdriTheCutie 0
Lol "ruff" dog!! Haha
KiddNYC1O 22
13- OMFG! How in the hell did you figure that out, champ?
gunmania0 12
62 - are you a dick in real life or just whilst behind your computer in your mums basement?
KiddNYC1O 22
81- Thanks for playing, kid.
KiddNYC1O 22
I may have insulted you but make no mistake about it, I'm sure you insulted everyone on FML with comment #13.
gunmania0 12
90 - Did you read 60's comment...?
gunmania0 12
93*
KiddNYC1O 22
Okay, don't take it personal. I saw your comment first.
I_Hate_Tpyos 0
13- he may be on his iPod instead of a computer.
ugottaluvme 0
Lol 17 in gonba text you k?
ichikibobivopula 0
Oh I get it now.
mylifesucks12345_fml 0
The guy just lost his dog man. Really?
sariannacanna 6
I almost cried at the crude beauty of your metaphor *claps* bravo my friend, bravo. Sorry about your dog.
False_Stupidity 42
Do you mean "cruel" beauty? 'cause I don't think the beauty was crude at all.
Btreasure 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yeah this isn't English class but you sure used a whole lot of figurative language. Sorry about your dog.
aichd13 4
You win the game.
ironwords 8
I lost it
wilsontws 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Ouch, iron up YO ass!
lidsthesquid 4
Not the time -_-
ripjohnlennon 5
Asian power!!!!!
HomeAl0ne 20
Irony - possessing the quality of ironness, made of iron.