The Top

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By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 21:44 - United States

Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 028

You deserved it 4 202

By polskibus - 31/01/2012 05:55 - Poland

Today, I’ve been living in Poland for three months now. I had the brilliant idea to take out the trash at midnight after washing my hair. A minute later, my hair was completely frozen and I even managed to break some of it off. I can confirm that it was -30 °C. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 252

By our kids will be derps - 22/06/2013 19:28 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 498

You deserved it 6 958

By the girlfriend - 26/08/2011 10:41 - United Kingdom

Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 097

You deserved it 4 172

Scammer

By shunned - 03/11/2010 13:13 - United Kingdom

Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 800

You deserved it 4 825

Hiking is fun

By Harry - 29/11/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, I went hiking with my friend. We both had to pee really bad, so we went to the edge of a cliff to relieve ourselves. He peed and it came and hit me in the face. He did it on purpose, so I decided to get him back and peed at him. The wind changed direction and hit me in the face again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 549

You deserved it 44 101

Crime scene

By veethebee - 08/05/2019 01:00

Today, I parked in the parking lot at work feeling like I had to sneeze. As I was walking in, the sneeze finally came. Apparently, my nose was bleeding so when I sneezed, blood got all over the floor and my brand new work clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 147

Mr Nice Guy

By Anonymous - 23/01/2021 08:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, it was our 12th anniversary. My husband only remembered because family members texted to wish us a happy anniversary. When he went out to the store to get groceries, he didn't even buy me flowers. He's also irritated that I "seem sad or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 210

By Kendal - 23/08/2011 18:18 - Canada

Today, I was baking cookies. I stared at them for 15 minutes and finally asked my dad, "Why are these taking so long?" He looked up at the oven and replied, "It might help if you turn the oven on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 182

You deserved it 49 839

By NickC - 28/11/2009 10:16 - Malaysia

Today, after burning all my past-papers, books and notes in celebration of finishing maths forever, I found out I have to re-take my maths exam to get the minimum grade for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 255

You deserved it 50 611

By The captain - 21/08/2011 23:09 - Canada

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 468

You deserved it 4 664

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, everyone commented on how realistic my "fat suit" was. I didn't dress up for Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 190

You deserved it 8 238

Great dad

By Anonymous - 28/06/2023 12:00

Today, I found out my son has not one, not two, but three children with various women. I confronted him about this and he truly doesn’t care. He has support payments he hasn’t paid in months, and he doesn’t even know his name of his youngest son, because he doesn’t care enough to remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 309

By anonymous - 04/07/2012 14:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 199

You deserved it 34 850

Edmund Hillary

By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, my sciatica is so bad that my feet feel like they have frostbite, I don't know what to do. Getting older sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 91

U-turn

By deweyd8855 - 03/07/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, I moved back home after unsuccessfully trying to find work in Florida, despite living there for nine months. About 45 minutes into my 18-hour drive home, a TV station called me to offer me a job interview. I applied for that job over three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 281

You deserved it 2 498

**** me, I guess

By Anonymous - 25/11/2009 07:35 - United States

Today, my roommate of seven weeks decided to kick me out. He blames me for the stains on his expensive white leather couch, even after a prof cleaner determined it was red wine. I don't drink red wine. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 777

You deserved it 2 150

WTF Grandma?

By Anonymous - 02/07/2023 10:00

Today, I spoke to my grandma on the phone. Two hours later, my cousin sends me a screenshot of my grandma inviting her and my sister out to lunch tomorrow. This is the fourth lunch in a row I have NOT been invited too. I don't know why she keeps doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 17:09 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to the store. Because we have no car, we had to walk four miles in the 115 fahrenheit weather. It didn't click until we were standing outside the door with a metric shit-tonne of ice-cream, that we'd have to tear ass back home to keep it all from melting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 272

You deserved it 30 253

Messy bitches

By princessbbee - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 056

You deserved it 7 258

A friend in need…

By anonymous - 30/06/2012 06:26 - United States - Denver

Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 223

You deserved it 2 542

My new best friend

By froggylicious - 16/08/2011 18:18 - Canada

Today, I woke up exhausted because a croaking frog had kept me awake the night before. This has happened every night for the past week, and no matter how far away I take the frog, it always ends up sitting in the same place the next morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 037

You deserved it 5 763

Foreshadowing

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 04:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, my (now ex) best friend wore funeral attire to my wedding, and instead of a speech, she gave a eulogy, making it sound like my new husband had brutally murdered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 169

By sonofaneuroticwench - 20/08/2014 20:08 - United States - Rice Lake

Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 725

You deserved it 3 404

No good deed

By mjperfetti84 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 897

You deserved it 6 240

By Anonymous - 07/05/2009 12:09 - Canada

Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 473

You deserved it 85 861

Annoying and creepy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, my coworker insisted there must be an underlying, romantic reason for why I spend so much time teaching him everything, and that I didn't mean it when I told him that's what I'm paid to do. I'm actually supposed to train this guy for three weeks. Two more weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 332

You deserved it 2 803

It's the weekend, baby!

By tealsoda - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after a friend convinced me to throw a big party, inviting everyone to come, and after fixing a ton of party food, I sat around and waited for my guests to arrive. No one came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 027

You deserved it 3 707

Share it with us

By Jay - 18/05/2022 06:00

Today, I always thought that my dad never believed in me, but hearing him say it for the first time at 30 was the catalyst for some really hard self-reflection. The fact that I usually bounce all my ideas off him is the hardest to accept. Now who do I share with? FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 150

Customer service

By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 22:00

Today, I handed a written complaint to a shop manager about an employee who had used foul language to my teenage daughter. I then watched as he took the complaint to the employee in question, they read it together, laughed, then the manager tore it in half and threw it in the bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 1 075

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The Top

Today, my boss yelled at me for leaving on time. After months of management hounding us about our overtime, I get in trouble for doing what I was supposed to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 970

You deserved it 538

Today, I joined my boyfriend at a work conference out of state. One of the other conference-goers struck up a conversation and I obliged. Apparently, I was too nice. He followed me into the hotel lobby and openly watched me go back to my hotel room, making sure to count the room numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 811

You deserved it 1 479

Today, my hormones decided to make my pimples appear symmetrically on my face around my nose and mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 722

You deserved it 2 959

Today, I parked, then opened my car door to get out, and somehow managed to practically knock myself out by banging my head on the frame, then on the car door that had slammed back into my forehead as I was still reeling from hitting the roof. A guy walking by asked if I was okay while trying not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 127

Today, I found out that I have at least stage 3 cancer. I went on my insurance's website to get information for the doctors. I also saw "Other people who have been on your plan." My ex-wife was listed, with a new last name. She got remarried. I'm just going to let the cancer take me at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 114

Today, I learned my wife has an extra level of anger. First is sarcasm, then yelling, then the silent treatment, it’s been that way for our whole marriage. Turns out the level above that is hurling a sledgehammer at me. She still won’t tell me what I did to surpass the silent treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 128