Today, I wanted to believe that people couldn't possibly be this stupid, but prior to surgery my brother's wife was put on an all-liquid diet. The idiot didn’t realize that putting cake and ice cream in a blender didn’t make it a fucking clear liquid. She argued, “I’m not eating it, I’m drinking it!” FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife keeps bitching at me that she hasn’t lost any weight on her liquid diet, even though I’ve told her dozens of times that sticking all her normal large portion meals in a blender isn’t exactly a proper liquid diet, it’s just a very unhealthy soup with lumps. FML
Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML
Today, as revenge for a prank I played on him last week, my brother took things way too far and loaded my milkshake with so many chocolate laxatives, I’m now in hospital. I’ve had so much diarrhoea in the past few hours, I’m dangerously dehydrated and had to be put on a saline drip. FML
Today, I wanted to pretend to have a seizure so my baby sister could know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she decided to drink my soda instead of helping me. FML
Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
Today, I caught my mother-in-law filling my one-year-old's cup with Dr. Pepper. When I flipped out, she told me I was overreacting since "all her kids turned out fine." Save for my husband, all her kids are morbidly obese diabetics who’ve struggled with poor diets. She herself is almost 450 lbs. FML
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, I pretended to have a heart attack so my baby sister would know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she drank my soda instead of helping me. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
She's not stupid -- she's engaging in willful ignorance. She's trying to create a loophole by thinking she's following the "liquid" requirement literally.
Marcella1016 32
Exactly. And willfully ignorant people piss me off the most. Like, you obviously know what you’re doing. Do you think pretending it’s fine means the universe will erase all potential consequences from happening to you? OP’s SIL could throw up and die on the operating table from this stupid shit. But... At least she’ll have had her cake and eaten it two?
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
She's not stupid -- she's engaging in willful ignorance. She's trying to create a loophole by thinking she's following the "liquid" requirement literally.
poopface82 25
That’s a lot of words for “she’s being a shit.”
Marcella1016 32
Exactly. And willfully ignorant people piss me off the most. Like, you obviously know what you’re doing. Do you think pretending it’s fine means the universe will erase all potential consequences from happening to you? OP’s SIL could throw up and die on the operating table from this stupid shit. But... At least she’ll have had her cake and eaten it two?
Jon Tessler 14
I blame the doctor or his nurse for not explaining exactly what a clear liquid diet entails.
Charlie Given 28
Why blame the medical staff, it's not their fault for her ignorance and coming from a medical background it's policy everywhere too thoroughly explain exactly what a clear liquid diet is this woman's just being a stupid ass.
diraven 15
I've had a colonoscopy too. If the doctor gets in there and finds out she didn't do the cleanse right they'll send her home to start the whole thing all over again. So she'll learn the hard way.
jpaylay 15
I’d do the same tbh