Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally stapled my finger to a piece of paper. It hurt, but I took it out and went to restaple it. I did it again. FML
Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML
Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML
Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML
Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML
Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML
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Top comments
flamegrilled123 3
How could that possibly go wrong?
Greendaycheese 12
What a genius idea!
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Comments (185)
flamegrilled123 3
How could that possibly go wrong?
xlord 27
OP can now make a sequel to Edward scissor hands. Edward staple feet!!!
BunchieRules 31
8 - Or, OP's feet could be used like Wolverine's claws. Kicking criminals with the swift foot of justice! Maybe I'm taking this too far...
xlord 27
.....and magneto can come along and instead of bending his claws he can bed OP's staples in his feet. Okay maybe i took it too far......
BunchieRules 31
Actually, I think this is getting rather interesting. I'd keep going, but I'm running out of ideas... anything I say at this point would probably sound completely retarded :/
BunchieRules 31
How about this: Stapleman, who shoots staples out of his hands instead of webs! Then, he pushes the easy button every time his mission is complete? Yeah, I should probably stop now.
KM96 24
Too many cartoons when you were young?
Zomg_Okay 27
There is no such thing as "too many cartoons".
onlychildFTW 34
Why would OP even think this is a good idea. "I'm going to scratch with something that can shoot sharp objects" common sense where art thou.
AliceLockehart 18
Heheheheh.. Edward Staple Feet. I giggled so much my boyfriend woke up & looked at me funny.
AliceLockehart 18
Goddammit I edited the last comment & it didn't show up
AliceLockehart 18
But now it is -.- I feel silly.
YoTengoTomatoes 7
^ cool story bro.
AliceLockehart 18
I'm not your ******* bro (:
henry214365 4
When you say that it goes wrong
TheStoryOfWazza 9
You couldn't find a drill?
Peachy2392 26
Whenever I have an itch, I too grab my stapler.
YaboyVinnie 21
Running around in circles now?
x_KL_x 7
I imagine rolling around on the floor would be more appropriate given the situation.
xFluttershy 7
I hope you didn't try to take out the stapler with a knife OP
Narttu 20
78 - I don't think he had the whole stapler stuck in his foot...
MichellinMan 20
if he wants to triple the pain, yes.
MichellinMan 20
if he wants to triple the pain, yes.
MichellinMan 20
if he wants to triple the pain, yes.
Ch0sen 13
Your triple post tripled my pain.
flugiboogee 9
I hope you did it absent minded cos if you did that thinking it was going to end well, then you're pretty fookin' stupid.
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
well, obviously.
Inheritance 10
You don't say? *insert that meme face*
Rowdey 10
Fookin' stupid huh?
AbbyAbyss 5
What? "Fookin' stupid"? Huh? I'm confused.
onlychildFTW 34
Yes they spelt fookin. Big deal. Why doesn't everyone point it out! *sarcasm*
therealslim 15
They did it deliberately 99, we are pointing out how completely shit it sounds
vocaloidtiger 12
Fookin'? Is that the new thing now?
Greendaycheese 12
What a genius idea!
BunchieRules 31
STAPLES: That was NOT easy.
VIPwhenever 15
Greendaycheese you are the second kpop fan I've seen on here do you have a tumblr?
Nutty4Muffs 3
I don't think this site is appropriate for you, VIP.
VIPwhenever 15
What are you talking about isnt it for everyone ? Just because I'm also on another site doesn't mean I can't be on another one
Dr0reos 8
Still better then the time i used a broken glass bottle too scratch my bal...nevermind. I miss righty *sighs*
MichellinMan 20
122- I feel so bad for you.
MichellinMan 20
122- I feel so bad for you.
MichellinMan 20
122- I feel so bad for you.
BunchieRules 31
It's okay, 140. We all have our triple-posts every now and then... Seriously though, that must hurt!
vocaloidtiger 12
And why, may I ask, did you choose the stapler to scratch your foot?
GogoTheGreat 12
Unless stapling is a stapler ever the right idea?
1poohbear5 7
That made no sense . . .
jtthegr8 26
I think "unless stapling" wasn't supposed to be there
boog_fml 7
Forget some punctuation?
Bladian 5
It makes perfect sense aside from a missing comma. Don't be so obtuse.
ItsTheKing 10
"Unless you're stapling, when is a stapler ever the right idea?" You're Welcome.
BunchieRules 31
I think if Doc were here, he would use his translator. But I'll give it a shot: "Is a stapler ever the right idea?" But I believe a better translation would be: "A stapler should never be misused on the feet or any other body parts. Its appropriate purpose is for organizing papers only." Yes, my translator is that complex.
11wanda11 6
Hate when that happens
x_KL_x 7
Scratching with a stapler is always the solution the sharp pain helps to forget the itch!
awagh666 14
Or, using a paring knife...
newgiaw 3
Why wouldn't you use the end of the stapler instead of the front?
Pentium_4 27
either you're a masochist or just plain retarded
KM96 24
Don't be sad to people who are disabled
MizzErikaHart 8
Being retarded doesn't make you disabled... There is a difference
StoryOfTheYear 15
Disabled is a very broad statement. There is such a thing as being mentally disabled.
theneatoburrito 8
56- Yes it does? Like 59 said, disabled is a very broad statement. It can mean physically disabled, as well as mentally disabled. And mental retardation is an example of being mentally disabled. Just because you don't have a physical handicap doesn't mean you're not disabled.
heyyhowsitgoing 9
Go to Thailand and get someone to ped-egg your foot there.
BunchieRules 31
Thailand? They sell PedEggs in most stores. I think it's an "As Seen On TV" product... unless you're making a reference to something.
heyyhowsitgoing 9
If you go to Thailand they ped-egg your foot for you, and your foot is practically raw. I know that sounds painful and it is for the first few days but you don't have serious foot itches like OP here.
BunchieRules 31
Well I think the OP is in enough pain as it is, and it probably will hurt for the next few days. :/