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By snow - 17/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 852

You deserved it 3 993

Smile!

By Anonymous - 21/11/2017 15:00

Today, some official photographs went live on our company website. As I took a closer look, I realised I was in the background of one photo unloading boxes from a van. My trousers were halfway down my ass, flashing my butt crack for the whole internet to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 905

You deserved it 1 462

By Rover - 11/07/2016 19:03

Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 712

You deserved it 3 415

By öKANEö - 02/02/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, during class, a student began arguing with my Algebra II teacher about whether or not water is wet. The student became so frustrated he threw a stapler across the room. Guess who got hit in the head and is currently bleeding pints in the nurse's office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 840

You deserved it 273

By pissedoff - 28/06/2016 11:53 - United States - Benton

Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 904

You deserved it 1 354

Dumpster diving

By rummaging - 18/05/2016 13:46 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my boyfriend found the box of photos I've been saving for my daughter. He was convinced I was pining over her father and emptied the box into the dumpster behind our apartment. I'm still not done digging through the garbage to find the photos from the day my daughter was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 053

You deserved it 1 311

By Anonymous - 13/08/2018 18:30

Today, I was in school when a guy grabbed my breast, so I swore at him and shoved him away. I got detention and he walked away unpunished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 894

You deserved it 244

Suspicious messaging

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 04:46 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating after she read some of my messages I sent to an old female friend. Apparently I'm very flirty with her. I showed her the same kind of messages that I sent to my guy friends as well. Now I'm apparently gay and cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 858

You deserved it 2 758

For what occasion

By Single Sally - 01/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend of five years finally gave me a ring. Oh no, not an engagement ring. He gave me a ring "to apologize for sleeping with his married coworker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 189

By Coaldust - 03/01/2017 02:02

Today, my niece stole a bottle of whiskey from me to mix with Monster and get drunk with her boyfriend. It was a bottle of 23-year-old Pappy Van Winkle's that cost over $2000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 645

You deserved it 2 010

By fartz - 31/08/2013 06:04 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 537

You deserved it 8 112

By bald baby - 02/12/2018 05:00

Today, despite my protests and warnings, my mother-in-law decided to chemically straighten my bi-racial daughter’s very curly hair. Hours later, not only is her scalp is raw and red, her hair is stringy completely fried and coming out in huge noticeable clumps. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 4 062

You deserved it 350

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 15:14 - United States - Dalton

Today, this beautiful girl that I've known for a long time told me that she just can't date me anymore because I remind her too much of her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 444

You deserved it 1 916

Side dick

By Joanna - 27/12/2018 18:00

Today, during sex I said my side dick's name instead of my boyfriend. He isn't speaking to me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 13 054

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 13:34 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 710

You deserved it 7 242

Another Tinder Swindler

By stormblade27 - 28/01/2019 02:00

Today, my friend told me to try dating apps, saying, “What's the worst that could happen?” I just finished paying some girl $100 to not send a dick pic to all my Facebook friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 7 477

By ICallBullshxt - 18/03/2017 20:00

Today, I added my boss to the "ew" list on Skype. I then realized it sends her a notification. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 053

You deserved it 6 818

By pizzagurl - 09/05/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 209

You deserved it 274 629

By Kevin - 21/05/2019 16:02

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 317

You deserved it 424

By Alessan - 26/05/2017 21:00 - Italy

Today, I was checking out a cute guy who finally approached me. He says to me, "Hi excuse me, I've been watching you for a little while, and I finally got the courage to ask you this question...who is your esthetician? I want to get my eyebrows done like yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 137

You deserved it 440

No uggos

By confiancedecrise - 22/05/2017 16:00

Today, I was texting a girl I was interested in and we exchanged Instagram names. She ghosted me right after. She's the fourth girl to have done this to me in the past month. I guess I'm unattractive, but at least I'm good at texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 833

You deserved it 422

By sisisathief - 28/05/2017 14:00 - United States - Concord

Today, I caught my sister taking money from my wallet. When I confronted her, she claimed that she was actually putting back money that she had stolen earlier. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 265

You deserved it 302

By 90 up I-95 - 08/07/2017 02:00 - United States - State College

Today, I was wrapping up my move in a 16-foot truck with my car in tow. Google rerouted me to avoid traffic... through a state park. The road had only one lane. I can still hear the phalanx of cars honking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 505

You deserved it 862

By sick and lonely - 27/08/2016 03:19 - United States - Rockford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 341

You deserved it 1 155

Classic

By rejected - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said, "Well, you could always ask me." I then said, "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was, "Nope… now that's 8!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 668

You deserved it 28 982

Pug gets taste of his own medicine!

By FML Approved - 25/10/2017 03:00

The little guy kinda had it coming.

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 05/01/2018 19:00

Today, I got my period during my dance solo. My costume was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 610

You deserved it 427

By Anonymous - 19/01/2018 15:00

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but when I took out the ring it flew out of the box and disappeared. She's been crying for 3 hours and I'm down 2 grand. I still don't know what her answer is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 718

You deserved it 554

By Anonymous - 25/06/2016 09:02 - United States - Allen

Today, I got screamed and honked at by a driver who felt I was in the way of his turn. I was on foot, and on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 940

You deserved it 951

Please do it

By Anonymous - 25/01/2020 18:00

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 422

You deserved it 387

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The Top

Today, I was detained for trying to "illegally enter" my house, all because my parents forgot to tell me they were being evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 989

You deserved it 1 686

Today, I was bitten by a therapy dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 048

You deserved it 3 797

Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 984

You deserved it 4 190

Today, I found out through Instagram that the guy I'm dating has a wife and two kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 433

You deserved it 4 306

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 221

You deserved it 6 707

Today, I hit a parked car. It happened to be my driving instructor's car. While he was instructing me, sitting in the passenger seat. I don't think I'll pass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 735

You deserved it 14 629