Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML
Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while still giving me oral sex. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
Today, I was having really great sex with my boyfriend. I was on top and he seemed like he was really enjoying it. Then, I realized he'd fallen asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML
Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML
Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML
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Top comments
SassyGoblin1198 9
On the other hand: "today, my girlfriend fell asleep on me during sex. She was having a good dream though. Of me? Oh no. She was dreaming of chopping lettuce. FML" ?
DishnobFruitCum 5
The real FML is that you fell asleep during sex. It would seem you need to straighten some things out with your boyfriend.
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Comments (51)
Malahkaa 19
That's one one to toss the salad....
coming back in the future 30
Wow the first thing that came to my mind.
Mightyrif 23
Guess that was the first first thing to come to your head!
MisterEx 28
I am guessing it was also the only thing that came that day :/
mrmcleod 29
#12 I see what you did there. Well played.
yeti37 16
He wanted head...of lettuce...
angelofmusic1895 16
'Lettuce' say that must have been very awkward
Classy_Sassy_15 15
I think she might need to take time off from work a little........
angelofmusic1895 16
She sure does
sturschaedel 27
I hope he isn't offended and just laughs about it. Because this is hilarious!
GEFStryker 29
Lettuce dwell on mediocrity of this comment and come to understand why one should not FML before the first coffee of the day. Edit: Dammit, my pre coffee sluggishness lost me my first first comment ever :(
Wakachulak 22
Nah, trick with those is to put just one letter in then edit to something sensible. It's how I got my first first.
DishnobFruitCum 5
The real FML is that you fell asleep during sex. It would seem you need to straighten some things out with your boyfriend.
Wakachulak 22
Or rather teach him a few things.
sturschaedel 27
If you are really, really tired and overworked it can happen, no matter how good the sex usually is!
Tthug 34
Or if you are starting out a new job (that changes your routine) it can take a couple weeks for your body to catch up.
alliewillie 22
I'm with you - I could never imagine falling asleep during. Yawning? Yes. Drifting? Maybe. But falling asleep? He's not doing it right.
ChristinePi 36
If you're exhausted enough, passing out during anything is possible.
nitrog100 21
Believe it or not, ladies, you're not supposed to just lie there. You're supposed to be active participants too.
mfmylifesrsly 30
I know guys who have fallen asleep during sex too. It doesnt mean they were just lying there.
kimm_xD 7
oh thank god I wasn't the only one thinking this
WarriorOmen 25
It's possible for any number of reasons tbh. I've done it a couple of times; BuT Iv'e also got a life long disease that yes, randomly shuts my body down for a few moments. I exhaust extremely fast and next thing I know it's ZZZZ land.
Jasim 17
Lettuce pretend this never happened.
Queensland 27
Well that's forgivable. What would be really awkward is the other way around, telling your supervisor you're having sex with a lettuce.
SassyGoblin1198 9
On the other hand: "today, my girlfriend fell asleep on me during sex. She was having a good dream though. Of me? Oh no. She was dreaming of chopping lettuce. FML" ?
RobinGoodfellow 47
The fact that you or some unoriginal reader submitted this, word for word as it's typed here, makes me want to ban you from the internet for being unimaginably boring. Why do I even bother moderating....
SassyGoblin1198 9
I think you're saying I just copied a comment for the likes. I did not copy word for word, I assure you, but yes, the concept of a reverse FML has been used before
averageguy14 7
Damn, must have been one long day. To fall asleep like that, that lettuce must have been worth it!