The Top

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Water, water, everywhere

By Anonymous - 18/05/2020 05:00

Today, I learned that taking a shower right before your house starts flooding is the human equivalent to washing your car right before it starts raining. Only much worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 161

By holy sleet - 29/11/2013 21:49 - United States - Rochester

Today, while ice-skating with my girlfriend, I tried to do what they do in the movies and make her gently fall into my arms. Instead she slipped, fell, and hit her head on the ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 779

You deserved it 41 792

By lions214 - 11/01/2012 01:40 - United States

Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 422

You deserved it 2 945

By Dxx - 06/03/2011 07:18 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my usual parents. After putting the baby to sleep I put some popcorn in the microwave and went to the bathroom. When I came out the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. One of the neighbors saw and called 911. I'm out of a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 248

You deserved it 34 927

By synn - 24/02/2010 05:19 - Singapore

Today, I went for a job briefing, and after that was told to do some editing for them. When I asked the person whether I was paid for the day, she laughed and said no. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 589

You deserved it 3 126

By anonymous - 05/03/2011 05:34 - France

Today, I found out the hard way that if you think a waiter is hot, you probably shouldn't tell your parents. They could react by screaming at him across the room to tell him you think he's a hottie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 910

You deserved it 16 367

By jeesh - 31/01/2009 11:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 995

You deserved it 89 391

Life is unfair

By Anonymous - 23/11/2022 22:00

Today, my husband asked me if it was alright if he went on a riverboat trip on the Rhine River without me. The scoliosis and osteoarthritis in my back has gotten so bad with age, I have become seriously disabled and unable to travel. I used to be that we were too poor or too busy with work, but now that we have the money and time, I'm too sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 461

You deserved it 113

By condiments - 22/02/2010 21:13 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 177

You deserved it 3 067

By Ren - 30/01/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 499

You deserved it 2 200

By Anna - 06/01/2012 11:25 - United States

Today, my dad decided that he shouldn't have to wear clothes in the privacy of his own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 306

You deserved it 3 388

By Ivan - 02/03/2011 10:10

Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door for him. He flipped me off because I was wearing a Kansas State University shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 528

You deserved it 9 278

Good guy

By notsomuchinlove - 07/08/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, I had a seizure at my boyfriend's. The second I began to seize, he cursed and picked me up, dropping me on the floor complaining, "Now I have to clean the damn couch." I had urinated because I had no control over my body. The couch is still stained. He dumped me for ruining his furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 189

You deserved it 7 690

By cazorp - 05/01/2012 11:43 - United States

Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 463

You deserved it 2 469

STOP. IT. NOW.

By Anonymous - 01/09/2021 22:01

Today, it's been four days since I told my husband how much I dislike the term "baby mama". It's also been four days since he started calling me "my baby mama". We don't even have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 154

By jack - 28/02/2011 05:43

Today, my shoulder was pulled out of its socket when I was helping a customer load a desk into his vehicle and he decided to answer his cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 821

You deserved it 2 527

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 19:11 - United States - Ontario

Today, I found myself admiring my eyelids for being the only parts of my face not covered in acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 455

You deserved it 4 501

By Nick - 03/12/2012 04:03 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home from the hospital diagnosed with high blood pressure. It's caused by stress. My wife had a very long talk with my son about it. All the kid has been doing for the past 2 hours is scream at his Playstation. I'd rather be at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 264

You deserved it 3 436

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 725

You deserved it 2 522

Sorry Nana

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 02:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I skipped out on my grandmother's 70th birthday party. I'm autistic, and I have a hearing disorder that significantly enhances my hearing to a painful extent, so I couldn't tolerate how noisy it was. Now, my grandmother thinks I hate her because I put my mental health first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 281

By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 17:21 - United States - Latrobe

Today, while refereeing a soccer game, I was accused of being racist, blind, and a fascist by spectators. The game was played by a group of third graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 966

You deserved it 3 074

By hinowdie - 01/12/2012 10:00 - United States

Today, my mom found her CD of cats and dogs singing Christmas songs. That is what I'll be listening to until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 794

You deserved it 2 020

By long day - 12/11/2013 20:29 - United States - Bay City

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 793

You deserved it 3 897

By Randiluck - 30/11/2012 01:00 - Canada

Today, I met up with a few old friends for some wine and munchies. The main topics of conversation were colonoscopies, lactose intolerance and specific symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. I'm sleeping over at one of their houses. Only 20 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 100

You deserved it 2 713

Sweet Sixteen

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 13:59 - Netherlands

Today, it's my 16th birthday. My parents forgot about it, and planned a weekend out of town. I was alone on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 108

By kippis05 - 17/02/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were waiting for the bus. The weather had been cold and snowy recently, and I realized I'd forgotten my transit card. She nonetheless got on the bus without me. I had to walk it alone in the snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 376

You deserved it 9 024

By fmylyfe - 09/11/2013 14:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while I was working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 929

You deserved it 3 973

I wish!

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 11:00

Today, my sister saw an empty bottle of squirty cream in my bedroom, and now her and my siblings keep teasing me about how I must have a really kinky sex life. Truth is, I ate the cream by myself with cake, chocolate and biscuits, because I was depressed about it actually being 2 years since I had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 284

By Trapped. - 06/11/2013 02:53 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I had planned to break up with my overbearing girlfriend. She went into complete denial mode, bought me a pair of oversized sunglasses and tomorrow we're going ice-skating. Kill me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 981

You deserved it 11 624

By sad face - 24/11/2012 11:54 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I told my boss that I quit, and handed in my two week's notice. A couple of hours later, I found my letter of resignation had been photocopied and copies hung all around the office with "Best day ever" written on the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 047

You deserved it 5 307

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend of more than two years told me in front of all of our friends that he'd trade me for some Playstation 3 games. I laughed it off because I thought he was kidding. He made it clear that he was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 702

You deserved it 5 142

Today, I kissed my 3.5 GPA goodbye because my English teacher was too caught up planning her parrot's birthday party to put in the credit I deserve for three different essays I completed for her class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 317

You deserved it 384

Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 246

You deserved it 1 647

Today, I noticed that my mom had left the house without her cell phone. I called her phone to let her know she forgot it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 1 752

Today, the guy I’ve been hanging out with and crushing on told me we now know each other well enough to be completely open with each other. I was excited, thinking our mild flirtations would finally go further. He just wanted me to know he’s gay, and asked me if I knew any single guys for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 199

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending a GIF. Not a sad one either. It was a GIF of some dude disappearing into thin air. Ten out of ten for originality, but come on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 85