Today, I texted my boyfriend on the way to the hospital to tell him I needed stitches, after my brother's dog bit me on the breast. His response? "Pics or it didn't happen." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I collided heads at a soccer game and needed 13 stitches in my head. I texted all my contacts to let them know I was in the hospital. I got back one response that said "bitch got what you deserve" it was from my cousin. No one else ever texted me back. FML
Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML
Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut on his finger. FML
Today, I was recovering from an operation. After I felt better, I checked my phone. There were 35 missed calls and angry text messages from my boyfriend asking why I wasn't at his house to cook his dinner. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me from a payphone because he lost his phone at the airport. When I texted his phone to get a response from someone who stole it [because it was still on whenever I called], I received a message back saying, "Love the pics. Send more ;]" FML
Today, my bitch of a boss sent out a group text saying she'd had a chainsaw accident and lost the tips of 4 of her fingers and would be out indefinitely. When I told my boyfriend, his immediate response was to grab my phone and reply "I'm stumped, I don't know what to say." She hasn't responded yet. FML
Today, the dog my now ex-boyfriend and I own together bit me bad enough that I needed stitches on my face and my hand... he then broke up with me and saying it was all too much for him and has kept the dog... FML
Today, I came home to my boyfriend wearing one of my pads on his hand, because he didn't want to pay to go to the hospital for stitches. FML
Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML
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Top comments
Lilbabynid3 3
So did you send one?
pointless07 1
douche.
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Comments (241)
MoodyBlue320 11
What the hell? First.
pointless07 1
douche.
SwaggerHaver 3
Your boyfriend is going places in life :}
chocol8m 6
Yes, douche.....but still funny :)
kyarush 10
I've noticed that a lot of girls these days don't have very high standards.
Zareen 0
A better response would have been are u alright?
Zareen 0
A better response would have been 'are u ok?'
urdirtyolduncle 15
41- Yes 43- No
GoW_Chick 15
He's a guy he was just taking this opportunity to see if he could get a picture of her breast.
imaginaryvoice 18
Your boobs must come off as a threat towards dogs
puppypuncher 5
He most certainly isn't a douche. If my boyfriend got bitten in the penis by a dog, I sure as hell would want a photo.
KittySaysMoo 6
Well, at least he didn't ask to see it in person. He'd have to pray for his life if he did, I would think.
theaws0m3guy 4
Lol, "pics or gtfo"
MsSoulReaper 27
90- In this case tit(s) or GTFO.
kyarush 10
Giggity
alaskanhybrid 5
Oh come on your BF is a dude OP, what did you expect. Oh and he has some sense of humor.
poopyfacegirl 28
Definitely.
bonnie789 1
Legend
DreBeezy 9
24- Yeah, like Hell.
LolFMLnot 10
He is a keeper, atleast he doesn't pretend to be all nice and lovey dovey. He is a keeper
death_dolphin24 0
31- this is why Justin Bieber and Jersey Shore exist and Kim Kardashian is not a pornstar
Lilbabynid3 3
So did you send one?
EatnBeef 7
Still not funny 55.
biasedshooter 24
Op, pics or it didnt happen This^ meant to be funny
blackstar994 5
Mrmisfit had some pretty funny comments before.
Magic_Mushroom 7
But scissors are pretty fun to lick...
AmongstTheFaces 5
Ahhhhh. I remember getting cut with scissors. My friend and I were messing around and before u know it I was on my way to the hospital freaking out because my finger was gushing out blood................ Awesome memories
AmongstTheFaces 5
Do you want to hear it again?!?!
great_cornholio 0
We didn't exactly 'hear' it...
zakkyzebra 11
I heard it... The voices in my head read it to me....
BWindsor 0
154, do you tell that story at parties?
Funnywayz 0
I kind of agree. Every time someone posts a comment that's not even mean everyone thumbs down it.
AmongstTheFaces 5
I know! People think you have to troll because it's the Internet
im_so_ninja 0
you know her breasts could be so gross and bloody and ripped apart, that it might ruin it for him.
AmongstTheFaces 5
That thought burns my innocent eyes
kdlaws 0
Did he get the pic?
Nekogami 14
This was my question. I mean, sure, he's an asshole for his response - but, I am curious if she sent it or not. Lol.
Yodaevil 4
Doesn't make him an asshole, though true he probably is... Sometimes freaking out over a situation only makes it worse for the person involved. She obviously was fine enough to text, so no need for him to start flipping out and freak the shit out of her. A. Did she send the pic? B. Did he meet her there to assist with said breast injury?
zombicidal 11
you'd think the emergency worthy of having to go to the hospital would be cause for a phone call
blackstar994 5
I'm sure there's two sides to this...
GrammarNazzzzzi 6
Yeah, the right boob and the left boob
dav3800 7
I'm pretty sure nobody took picyures of the dog biting her... If the dog didn't, OP could fake it and bite her own ****. Although that'd be... creepy.
NuTrees 9
No one said nothing about a nipple.. Weirdo
fallensnow143 6
unless she beileves in self-harm and wanted pity...... but thts probably an incorrect assumption.
LlamaMcSoulMamma 2
kick his a**
WCARlover 35
I read this as "lick" at first lol
waswashere 0
5- the word you are looking for is ASS
boydeee01 7
I'm going to lick my professor's ass.
shift_love 13
#38 Wtf does your professor have to do with any of this? Nice pic btw
graham11 14
58- chill man.. It's a joke!
mfazi456 7
5- This is the internet, not middle school. People don't give a shit if you use language or not.
graham11 14
119- I agree. I can use all the ******* language I want to on the Internet and I still don't give a shit! No bleeping or censoring for me;)
BayleeWasHere 1
58- Back at you.
whyarepeopledumb 2
119- I don't know if you should be comparing it to middle school. At my middle school kids swore like there was no tomorrow.
efemel94 7
I find language very useful
cdogLuvs2golf 0
36- I thought it was APP
YtotsDI 0
Well he was just thirsty! Plus you shouldn't have taken his puppy's and shoved them In the Dungeon of your castle with you 17 stuffed unicorns as guards!! Sorry but imma have to say YDI
Nekogami 14
What are you smoking and where pray tell can I get some??
YtotsDI 0
I Don't smoke smokings bad. Instead I snort 5 ground up unicorn horns, 3 teaspoons of pixie dust and a coin from a leprechauns pot o' gold. Very easy ingredients that take you to a world better than Narnia and Oz combined!
coolrandomjuju 9
Wtf you must of smoke a good one there?!?
p3mguin 7
Stfu^
unitedfan11 0
What a vivid imagination...
Yodaevil 4
5 unicorn horns? I find that more than 4 give me a severe hangover. Know any remedies for this?
zombicidal 11
^more unicorn horns
YourBuddyElmo 5
Please tell me that you don't pluralize words with an apostrophe very often...it would bring tear's to my eye's.
badluckattack238 0
Idiot.
Yodaevil 4
Have you seen the price of horns lately? Makes the price of magical reindeer flying juice seem cheep!
graham11 14
34- can you please explain in normal English?
YtotsDI 0
#97. I realize horns are expensive but it's easy just go take a sled dog in Canada up to the north pole and talk to an elf named frankey. Say Jessie sent you #68 smear unicorn pee on your head and vag/dick. That should help. Be sure the pee doesn't contain HIV
mfazi456 7
^wrong FML there buddy
YtotsDI 0
No wrong thread. Mine got burried so I accidentally put it here
ICATiger 13
Can I have pic??
ilikeapplejuice 7
perv
notsorandomguy 18
No. Normal, healthy male would be the right term
coolrandomjuju 9
Pig
flockz 20
bacon
ICATiger 13
I love bacon..........
Isaac_The_Man 0
Bacon's my drug..
xSonic 9
Bacon's My dog
XxHoPPoxX 8
Unless your dog is a kelpy......Ruined it
graham11 14
26- I can't think of one guy who wouldn't want a picture.
coolrandomjuju 9
Da because dudes are pervs
Arxikist 3
JB wouldn't.
coolrandomjuju 9
:(
Justforlolz 14
He has confused real life with the Internet. He need to get his priorities straight.
blackstar994 5
I'm sure there's two sides to this.
CoachBangWhore 5
You sir, have said the same thing twice which has angered me
BayleeWasHere 1
You too.
xoxomariahkxoxo 6
WTF are you talking about?!
Kuqito 0
Oh damn
qwertsarecool122 23
Jeez.. What a duche..
boydeee01 7
What's a duche? Please explain.
eyeIoveyou 4
i could use it as a sentence for you to refresh your memory? :] "40, stop acting like a douche because you know what he means."
DocBastard 40
Boydeee- it's called a simple typo. I'm as big a Grammar Nazi as anyone else here, but you have to let typos go. Instead of worrying about typos, why not try submitting another FML of your own? I'm sure your first 44 rejected submissions were very close to being published.
Skywalka911 0
Which FML was yours, Doc? You have 1 of 1 posted.
FUUUandyourmom 16
The one where he rocked his daughter to sleep after two hours and stubbed his toe on the way out of the room. His daughter's first word was "****."